Nanny Wants to socialize on weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

You didn't have much of a life before this did you? If you didn't have friends and you weren't dating or going out then you have given up nothing. I know that sounds very harsh but you need to understand that most domestic workers do, in fact, have a personal life outside of their employer's home. It is not reasonable for an employer to insist that their domestic employees completely give up any chance of having a personal life outside of work.

I think that you are selling yourself very short. Do you have social anxiety by any chance? Do you not hope to fall in love and have children of your own? Or have you accepted that this is all you deserve?

[Anonymous]

You have to pay her for the weekend if you want to control what she does over the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she resigned instead of being fired. I'd get clarification of that in an email. I'm not sure that she qualifies for unemployment.

False. OP wanted her to essentially work 7 days/week and not pay her for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you legally prevent someone from returning to their own home. Wouldn't that be an illegal eviction?

I think tenancy laws are different when the housing is provided as a benefit of employment, but I imagine any covid-related stay on evictions would probably apply to employment-related housing as well, so OP very well may not be able to bar the nanny from he house without significant legal consequences.

OP she’s packing up and excited to leave. This is totally her decision

Not completely. You had told her that if she leaves she can not return so her options are either to never leave the house or to leave and not return. She is choosing option 2 but her options were very limited.

She leaves twice a day
she goes running in the mornings and she goes for a drive in the evenings

And how many discussions/guilt trips did you try to lay on her about her leaving the property to run? I think you are both better off just parting ways.

Op is looking for an indentured servant who will do as told. The nanny didn't cut it - so out on the street she goes. Op's "safety" above ALL else.

I don't see that at all. I see a young woman who's terribly bored and wants to go party with her group of friends on the weekends.

There is nothing in this to say she wants to go and party. I know a lot of young adults in their early twenties and I don't know a single one that hasn't seen anyone except their employer for the last 6 weeks. They either live with with family or with roommates or have been seeing a boyfriend / girlfriend or have been interacting with a small number of friends (1-3). None that I know are partying at all but they are interacting with people outside their employer.

That’s not following stay-in-place orders.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're paying for someone's time, you can't dictate what they do off the clock. It's absurd to suggest otherwise. She's an employee, not an indentured servant. If the nanny wants to be isolated for months, that's different. It's already been 6 weeks. Do you genuinely expect her to not see friends for another 6+ weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you legally prevent someone from returning to their own home. Wouldn't that be an illegal eviction?

I think tenancy laws are different when the housing is provided as a benefit of employment, but I imagine any covid-related stay on evictions would probably apply to employment-related housing as well, so OP very well may not be able to bar the nanny from he house without significant legal consequences.

OP she’s packing up and excited to leave. This is totally her decision

Not completely. You had told her that if she leaves she can not return so her options are either to never leave the house or to leave and not return. She is choosing option 2 but her options were very limited.

She leaves twice a day
she goes running in the mornings and she goes for a drive in the evenings

And how many discussions/guilt trips did you try to lay on her about her leaving the property to run? I think you are both better off just parting ways.

Op is looking for an indentured servant who will do as told. The nanny didn't cut it - so out on the street she goes. Op's "safety" above ALL else.

I don't see that at all. I see a young woman who's terribly bored and wants to go party with her group of friends on the weekends.

There is nothing in this to say she wants to go and party. I know a lot of young adults in their early twenties and I don't know a single one that hasn't seen anyone except their employer for the last 6 weeks. They either live with with family or with roommates or have been seeing a boyfriend / girlfriend or have been interacting with a small number of friends (1-3). None that I know are partying at all but they are interacting with people outside their employer.

Nanny wants to go crash with friends. It doesn't matter what she does there. Per OP, the various friends are also young people who live with roommates. Those roommates could also be out seeing multiple people. They could be essential medical personnel exposed to COVID patients on a daily basis. There's no way for OP to know how many people her family is potentially being exposed to - I wouldn't be ok with this either.

So clearly this arrangement isn't working out for either the nanny or OP. It's the nanny's right to leave and it's the OP's right to control who comes and goes in her home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

You didn't have much of a life before this did you? If you didn't have friends and you weren't dating or going out then you have given up nothing. I know that sounds very harsh but you need to understand that most domestic workers do, in fact, have a personal life outside of their employer's home. It is not reasonable for an employer to insist that their domestic employees completely give up any chance of having a personal life outside of work.

I think that you are selling yourself very short. Do you have social anxiety by any chance? Do you not hope to fall in love and have children of your own? Or have you accepted that this is all you deserve?

You don’t get it. Some of us understand what sip means, and we are making sure to not spread covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

You didn't have much of a life before this did you? If you didn't have friends and you weren't dating or going out then you have given up nothing. I know that sounds very harsh but you need to understand that most domestic workers do, in fact, have a personal life outside of their employer's home. It is not reasonable for an employer to insist that their domestic employees completely give up any chance of having a personal life outside of work.

I think that you are selling yourself very short. Do you have social anxiety by any chance? Do you not hope to fall in love and have children of your own? Or have you accepted that this is all you deserve?

You don’t get it. Some of us understand what sip means, and we are making sure to not spread covid.

So if the governor orders you back to your office building, you would be cool with living in your office and never seeing your family, friends and children again. Never having sex again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you legally prevent someone from returning to their own home. Wouldn't that be an illegal eviction?

I think tenancy laws are different when the housing is provided as a benefit of employment, but I imagine any covid-related stay on evictions would probably apply to employment-related housing as well, so OP very well may not be able to bar the nanny from he house without significant legal consequences.

OP she’s packing up and excited to leave. This is totally her decision

Not completely. You had told her that if she leaves she can not return so her options are either to never leave the house or to leave and not return. She is choosing option 2 but her options were very limited.

She leaves twice a day
she goes running in the mornings and she goes for a drive in the evenings

And how many discussions/guilt trips did you try to lay on her about her leaving the property to run? I think you are both better off just parting ways.

Op is looking for an indentured servant who will do as told. The nanny didn't cut it - so out on the street she goes. Op's "safety" above ALL else.

I don't see that at all. I see a young woman who's terribly bored and wants to go party with her group of friends on the weekends.

There is nothing in this to say she wants to go and party. I know a lot of young adults in their early twenties and I don't know a single one that hasn't seen anyone except their employer for the last 6 weeks. They either live with with family or with roommates or have been seeing a boyfriend / girlfriend or have been interacting with a small number of friends (1-3). None that I know are partying at all but they are interacting with people outside their employer.

That’s not following stay-in-place orders.

She is not on house arrest and she can leave the house and visit with friends if she deems that necessary. Which she clearly does. And I can not blame her even one tiny bit for needing to get away from Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

If you truly think that it’s selfish to want to have a life and relationships outside of your job, I think that’s deeply disturbing and sad. I get why the OP wants what she wants, and I get why an employee might agree to it, but being quarantined with your boss for an indefinite span of months is neither healthy nor humane. It’s also not a sign of braininess to believe that having social relationships is selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she resigned instead of being fired. I'd get clarification of that in an email. I'm not sure that she qualifies for unemployment.

False. OP wanted her to essentially work 7 days/week and not pay her for it.

OP has explained many times that she’s paying the nanny for 7 days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to pay her for the weekend if you want to control what she does over the weekend.

Yes OP has said several times that she’s paying this over time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

You didn't have much of a life before this did you? If you didn't have friends and you weren't dating or going out then you have given up nothing. I know that sounds very harsh but you need to understand that most domestic workers do, in fact, have a personal life outside of their employer's home. It is not reasonable for an employer to insist that their domestic employees completely give up any chance of having a personal life outside of work.

I think that you are selling yourself very short. Do you have social anxiety by any chance? Do you not hope to fall in love and have children of your own? Or have you accepted that this is all you deserve?

This is a smart nanny who prioritizes her life and health over some short term socializing

[Anonymous]

nanny need to put up or get out. our nanny hasn't left the house. its the law, if i left i'd be quarantined for 14 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

You didn't have much of a life before this did you? If you didn't have friends and you weren't dating or going out then you have given up nothing. I know that sounds very harsh but you need to understand that most domestic workers do, in fact, have a personal life outside of their employer's home. It is not reasonable for an employer to insist that their domestic employees completely give up any chance of having a personal life outside of work.

I think that you are selling yourself very short. Do you have social anxiety by any chance? Do you not hope to fall in love and have children of your own? Or have you accepted that this is all you deserve?

This is a smart nanny who prioritizes her life and health over some short term socializing

I’d argue exactly the opposite. Having meaningful social relationships is one of the hallmarks of a healthy life. Believing that subsuming your life to the needs of your employer is not. It’s also not particularly “smart”. It’s a choice that some might make - but it’s not smart and it’s not healthy.