Nanny Wants to socialize on weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her around the clock to essentially be a prisoner in your home?

Are you paying her 24 hours, 7 days a week to essentially work for you nonstop over the next 6-8 weeks?

It is doubtful that you can employ someone and forbid them from seeing a family member or boyfriend for 3 months or more.

If this is unacceptable to her, lay her off, Maryland unemployment is big money now.

We are paying her fairly, generously and in compliance with all laws.
She’s not working or even on call 24x7
She got a check from the government last week and she’s told us that she wants to get a job that pays cash while collecting unemployment. This is what her friends are doing apparently

That's not really your business. You don't sound very empathetic to how incredibly hard it would be to have to quarantine in your employer's home. If you need her, make this situation worth it to her. Otherwise, why wouldn't she want to crash with friends and collect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny has lived with us for years, she usually leaves on weekends to stay with friends but hasn’t left for the last six weeks. On recent weekends she either works with us and gets paid over time, or does her own thing. She has her own private space within our home, with a separate entrance and free access to our car.
This week she told us that she now wants to leave on weekends to stay with her friends, she misses socializing and she believes that they’ve also been social distancing so it will be ok for her to spend the weekends with them. They are all young and her friends rent apartments and have room mates.
We told her that obviously she’s welcome to leave any time, but she won’t be able to come back this time as we’re taking the shelter in place directive seriously.
Do you think we’re being unreasonable?
We both work and need the help, and we won’t replace her given the current dynamic, but she’s been here and knows that we literally haven’t left our property for two months so we’re not going to be ok with her leaving

It is unreasonable if you are not paying her around the clock to be in your house on the weekends. No pay, no stay.

She does her own thing on the weekends
If she works she gets paid
She’s lived with us for years and often relaxes here on weekends
Her own personal safety is at risk is she socializes

Once again, her safety is not your business. If you need her to behave in a certain way on the weekends in order to keep your household safe, then give her a bonus for each weekend.

[Anonymous]

She’s clearly not going to leave and risk loosing her income

But I think she’s just expressing herself and needs a pick me up

Maybe schedule a drive by to her friends house where they can wave to one another


Something that says you appreciate her not just view her as the nanny


Or mauve give her a day or two off

I mean being somewhere for six weeks is one thing


But for her, she’s legit at her job for SIX weeks
And no days off without socializing

That’s tough





But no you aren’t being unreasonable,
If she leaves then she needs to leave and understand she’s not only putting your family at risk but herself

[Anonymous]

I think you are certainly within your rights to tell her she can't return if she goes to hang out with friends. Of course, given the situation, if I were her I would seriously consider moving out this weekend with all my stuff and collecting unemployment instead. It would be really hard to be captive at your employer's house for months on end. If we knew it would be over at the end of May that would be one thing, but it sounds like you won't be comfortable interacting with the outside world until fall or later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her around the clock to essentially be a prisoner in your home?

Are you paying her 24 hours, 7 days a week to essentially work for you nonstop over the next 6-8 weeks?

It is doubtful that you can employ someone and forbid them from seeing a family member or boyfriend for 3 months or more.

If this is unacceptable to her, lay her off, Maryland unemployment is big money now.

We are paying her fairly, generously and in compliance with all laws.
She’s not working or even on call 24x7
She got a check from the government last week and she’s told us that she wants to get a job that pays cash while collecting unemployment. This is what her friends are doing apparently

That's not really your business. You don't sound very empathetic to how incredibly hard it would be to have to quarantine in your employer's home. If you need her, make this situation worth it to her. Otherwise, why wouldn't she want to crash with friends and collect?

As a taxpayer, I find this offensive. Someone getting paid, and also collecting money that is meant for everyone who isn't getting paid??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s clearly not going to leave and risk loosing her income

But I think she’s just expressing herself and needs a pick me up

Maybe schedule a drive by to her friends house where they can wave to one another


Something that says you appreciate her not just view her as the nanny


Or mauve give her a day or two off

I mean being somewhere for six weeks is one thing


But for her, she’s legit at her job for SIX weeks
And no days off without socializing

That’s tough





But no you aren’t being unreasonable,
If she leaves then she needs to leave and understand she’s not only putting your family at risk but herself

Thanks she has the use of our car and has her own entrance. She goes running in the mornings and goes for drives on the weekends so she can go hiking.
We pay for all her meals and get all the treats and everything she likes including alcohol each time we get a delivery

I think that she definitely plans to give up her home and income. Her friends are hanging out, collecting unemployment and she seems to want to do the same

This whole situation is miserable for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying her around the clock to essentially be a prisoner in your home?

Are you paying her 24 hours, 7 days a week to essentially work for you nonstop over the next 6-8 weeks?

It is doubtful that you can employ someone and forbid them from seeing a family member or boyfriend for 3 months or more.

If this is unacceptable to her, lay her off, Maryland unemployment is big money now.

We are paying her fairly, generously and in compliance with all laws.
She’s not working or even on call 24x7
She got a check from the government last week and she’s told us that she wants to get a job that pays cash while collecting unemployment. This is what her friends are doing apparently

That's not really your business. You don't sound very empathetic to how incredibly hard it would be to have to quarantine in your employer's home. If you need her, make this situation worth it to her. Otherwise, why wouldn't she want to crash with friends and collect?

Honestly it’s not great for us either!
The deal was that she wouldn’t be here on weekends
Now she’s around, we’re sharing our space and car too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are certainly within your rights to tell her she can't return if she goes to hang out with friends. Of course, given the situation, if I were her I would seriously consider moving out this weekend with all my stuff and collecting unemployment instead. It would be really hard to be captive at your employer's house for months on end. If we knew it would be over at the end of May that would be one thing, but it sounds like you won't be comfortable interacting with the outside world until fall or later.

Yes I’m not sure when we’ll be comfortable
We’re in a hot spot and people all around us are sick
It’s disappointing that she’s going to leave as there’s no safe way for us to replace her either

[Anonymous]

Everyone is champing at the bit to get out. I see it even in NYC where it is the worst. It is all too easy to think the risk isn't out there anymore, or overblown, and as a result, we're seeing more and more people out and about.

As to your nanny, unfortunately I think you have to pay her for every minute she is there sequestered with you, or you have to let her go. I would be uncomfortable with her leaving and hanging out with friends, then coming back on Monday to work.

I think you also need to think about the reality that you probably aren't going to find anyone who will want to stay captive in your home, even with their own space, by themselves for long periods of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny has lived with us for years, she usually leaves on weekends to stay with friends but hasn’t left for the last six weeks. On recent weekends she either works with us and gets paid over time, or does her own thing. She has her own private space within our home, with a separate entrance and free access to our car.
This week she told us that she now wants to leave on weekends to stay with her friends, she misses socializing and she believes that they’ve also been social distancing so it will be ok for her to spend the weekends with them. They are all young and her friends rent apartments and have room mates.
We told her that obviously she’s welcome to leave any time, but she won’t be able to come back this time as we’re taking the shelter in place directive seriously.
Do you think we’re being unreasonable?
We both work and need the help, and we won’t replace her given the current dynamic, but she’s been here and knows that we literally haven’t left our property for two months so we’re not going to be ok with her leaving

Six weeks on house arrest? Poor thing is probably ready to go batty. Emotional health can be an emergency situation.

[Anonymous]

Her priorities differ from yours in the area of safety. Time to part ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is champing at the bit to get out. I see it even in NYC where it is the worst. It is all too easy to think the risk isn't out there anymore, or overblown, and as a result, we're seeing more and more people out and about.

As to your nanny, unfortunately I think you have to pay her for every minute she is there sequestered with you, or you have to let her go. I would be uncomfortable with her leaving and hanging out with friends, then coming back on Monday to work.

I think you also need to think about the reality that you probably aren't going to find anyone who will want to stay captive in your home, even with their own space, by themselves for long periods of time.

Yes I agree, especially with all the government handouts
We offer a generous compensation package which includes no living or auto expenses
Also there’s lots of freedom on the weekends, but not beyond what our family is comfortable doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her priorities differ from yours in the area of safety. Time to part ways.

Yes that’s a good synopsis!
Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is champing at the bit to get out. I see it even in NYC where it is the worst. It is all too easy to think the risk isn't out there anymore, or overblown, and as a result, we're seeing more and more people out and about.

As to your nanny, unfortunately I think you have to pay her for every minute she is there sequestered with you, or you have to let her go. I would be uncomfortable with her leaving and hanging out with friends, then coming back on Monday to work.

I think you also need to think about the reality that you probably aren't going to find anyone who will want to stay captive in your home, even with their own space, by themselves for long periods of time.

Others are hungry with no income and the threat of eviction

[Anonymous]

OP, two of my adult kids share an apartment about 20 minutes from our home. When all this started, we told the girls that they needed to make a choice. They could stay here with us if they wanted to. But they couldn’t go back and forth. These are my own kids, and they aren’t allowed to visit right now. It sucks for all of us. I totally understand them wanting to stay in their own space. And they understand why they can’t come here right now.

You are doing the right thing. It’s not a quarantine if everyone isn’t staying at home.