Nanny Wants to socialize on weekends

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Can you legally prevent someone from returning to their own home. Wouldn't that be an illegal eviction?

I think tenancy laws are different when the housing is provided as a benefit of employment, but I imagine any covid-related stay on evictions would probably apply to employment-related housing as well, so OP very well may not be able to bar the nanny from he house without significant legal consequences.

OP she’s packing up and excited to leave. This is totally her decision

Not completely. You had told her that if she leaves she can not return so her options are either to never leave the house or to leave and not return. She is choosing option 2 but her options were very limited.

She leaves twice a day
she goes running in the mornings and she goes for a drive in the evenings

And how many discussions/guilt trips did you try to lay on her about her leaving the property to run? I think you are both better off just parting ways.

Op is looking for an indentured servant who will do as told. The nanny didn't cut it - so out on the street she goes. Op's "safety" above ALL else.

I don't see that at all. I see a young woman who's terribly bored and wants to go party with her group of friends on the weekends.

There is nothing in this to say she wants to go and party. I know a lot of young adults in their early twenties and I don't know a single one that hasn't seen anyone except their employer for the last 6 weeks. They either live with with family or with roommates or have been seeing a boyfriend / girlfriend or have been interacting with a small number of friends (1-3). None that I know are partying at all but they are interacting with people outside their employer.

That’s not following stay-in-place orders.

She is not on house arrest and she can leave the house and visit with friends if she deems that necessary. Which she clearly does. And I can not blame her even one tiny bit for needing to get away from Op.

M
Groceries and outside (solo) exercise, yes. Visiting friends, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

You didn't have much of a life before this did you? If you didn't have friends and you weren't dating or going out then you have given up nothing. I know that sounds very harsh but you need to understand that most domestic workers do, in fact, have a personal life outside of their employer's home. It is not reasonable for an employer to insist that their domestic employees completely give up any chance of having a personal life outside of work.

I think that you are selling yourself very short. Do you have social anxiety by any chance? Do you not hope to fall in love and have children of your own? Or have you accepted that this is all you deserve?

This is a smart nanny who prioritizes her life and health over some short term socializing

I’d argue exactly the opposite. Having meaningful social relationships is one of the hallmarks of a healthy life. Believing that subsuming your life to the needs of your employer is not. It’s also not particularly “smart”. It’s a choice that some might make - but it’s not smart and it’s not healthy.

Nobody is limiting phone calls or FaceTime. I’ve walked on the opposite side of the street from friends while talking on the phone. I’ve made food and dropped it off on the porch for housebound seniors and others who shouldn’t even grocery shop. It’s not difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has nothing to do with her living with OP. Nanny is not following the state mandate to shelter in place. This would be true whether she had her own apartment or not. If she's hanging out with friends, she's not sheltering in place.

She's young, she's bored, we get it. WE ARE ALL BORED AND WE ALL WANT TO BREAK SIP. But we don't because we understand that public health is more important than our own boredom and loneliness.

Again, the fact that she lives with OP is a red herring. The important fact here is that nanny isn't taking SIP seriously. That's poor judgment that warrants firing, IMO.

This!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys - nanny is not paying rent, OP buys all her food, OP lets her use her car whenever she wants. She has a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

Sweet! As long as she remains completely isolated from anyone who cares about her well-being for an indefinite amount of time until Boss Lady says she can. It’s such a sweet sweet deal that you’re going to be first in line for the job opening! Right? I mean, sure, you might miss your loved ones, but you can drive the car wherever you want - as long as you don’t get out of it. Sweet indeed.

I’m a live-in nanny. If the job details were fine, sure.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this! Unfortunately, your nanny is a dud who doesn’t understand the concept of social distancing and shelter-in-place. And a fraudulent dud who wants to collect unemployment and get a cash job! I hope nobody will hire her. You have every right to deny her unemployment without feeling bad about it. She has a safe home, a steady job, and a car to go out in, and she wants to mess it up for a few extra dollars. Whatever.

I'm curious: Is that enough for you? A "safe" home in somebody else's house -- where they make the rules about who you can and cannot interact with on your ow time? A job -- that has gone from having defined hours to meaning that your supposedly "free" time is now restricted to meet the needs of your boss - 24/? A car to go out in -- except that she can't go anywhere that isn't pre-approved by her boss? You're harping on money - which, as I read it, is less of an issue than being able to have social interaction with people she knows who genuinely care about her well-being. As you say: Whatever. I'm sure that your life is absolutely nothing like what you're pushing for this young woman. I truly hope that things work out well for her.

It would be a completely different story if OP weren't in a Covid hotspot with stay at home orders. I don't know why you don't understand this.

It would be a completely different story if OP evidenced some shred of compassion and understanding for her isolated employee. I don’t know why you don’t understand this.

You make it sound like OP has the nanny locked in the basement and doesn't let her leave. She does let her leave, as she's mentioned several times. Presumably nanny has a phone or other device that she can use to communicate with her friends. My BFF is stuck at home with her cats and hasn't seen any friends or family in the past month. We FaceTime once a week so she can say hi to me and the kids, she talks to her parents and her siblings several times a week. She's not thrilled, but she's doing fine. At least the nanny's not at home ALONE.

No, she's "not at home ALONE". She's at work. At work in her boss's home. Like your BFF, she hasn't seen any friends or family in the past month. But instead of having her own cats she has her boss, her boss's family and her job. And while her nanny can leave -- what does she get to do when she leaves? She can hike alone. It's hard enough doing this on your own. I can't imagine the stress of having to do this while living with your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bottom line is this: it is unsafe for the children, the parents and the nanny to socialize on weekends. Make sure zero difference if she’s live-in or live-out. No unnecessary contact with other people. Period. It has nothing to do with “owning” an employee. These are unprecedented times and it sucks for all of us.

This nanny is being stupid and childish. She is safe where she is no matter how hard it is to not be able to get away. But buck-the-F-up!
- a nanny

And you call yourself a nanny? For shame
You sound like a terrible influence on young, impressionable minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sorry so many people, or one really bitter person, is bashing you. Under normal conditions, YES, of course it would be crazy to not allow someone out of the house to hang out with friends and then to return. But these aren't normal conditions.

Thank you
Yes it feels like one person just keeps repeating themselves

Actually, it doesn't.
But do keep repeating that you think it's only one person, maybe someone will actually believe you if you say it a few hundred more times.

[Anonymous]

I read thins thread and in my head I’m cheering on this nanny.

I hope she breaks free of OP in the same way I feel happy when I hear about an abused wife escaping her husband.

Good luck nanny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read thins thread and in my head I’m cheering on this nanny.

I hope she breaks free of OP in the same way I feel happy when I hear about an abused wife escaping her husband.

Good luck nanny!

Breaks free so she can defraud the US govt and taxpayers. Sweet!

[Anonymous]

^^ OP, do document everything so you can deny this nanny’s unemployment claim. Get it in writing that she is leaving voluntarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you legally prevent someone from returning to their own home. Wouldn't that be an illegal eviction?

I think tenancy laws are different when the housing is provided as a benefit of employment, but I imagine any covid-related stay on evictions would probably apply to employment-related housing as well, so OP very well may not be able to bar the nanny from he house without significant legal consequences.

OP she’s packing up and excited to leave. This is totally her decision

Not completely. You had told her that if she leaves she can not return so her options are either to never leave the house or to leave and not return. She is choosing option 2 but her options were very limited.

She leaves twice a day
she goes running in the mornings and she goes for a drive in the evenings

And how many discussions/guilt trips did you try to lay on her about her leaving the property to run? I think you are both better off just parting ways.

Op is looking for an indentured servant who will do as told. The nanny didn't cut it - so out on the street she goes. Op's "safety" above ALL else.

I don't see that at all. I see a young woman who's terribly bored and wants to go party with her group of friends on the weekends.

There is nothing in this to say she wants to go and party. I know a lot of young adults in their early twenties and I don't know a single one that hasn't seen anyone except their employer for the last 6 weeks. They either live with with family or with roommates or have been seeing a boyfriend / girlfriend or have been interacting with a small number of friends (1-3). None that I know are partying at all but they are interacting with people outside their employer.

That’s not following stay-in-place orders.

She is not on house arrest and she can leave the house and visit with friends if she deems that necessary. Which she clearly does. And I can not blame her even one tiny bit for needing to get away from Op.

M
Groceries and outside (solo) exercise, yes. Visiting friends, no.

It doesn’t sound like the nanny is allowed to go get her own groceries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

Except The OP said the nanny often stayed there all weekend...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

Except The OP said the nanny often stayed there all weekend...

From OP in the first post:

“ she usually leaves on weekends to stay with friends but hasn’t left for the last six weeks.”