Nanny Wants to socialize on weekends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

To me, it sounded like she wasn’t being a considerate roommate/housemate. You don’t walk into the kitchen to fix spaghetti just before or after parents fix salad and fish for family dinner. As I said, I’m a live-in nanny, but I’m not a self-absorbed 20-something anymore (if ever).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

Except The OP said the nanny often stayed there all weekend...

From OP in the first post:

“ she usually leaves on weekends to stay with friends but hasn’t left for the last six weeks.”

Yep, usually. As in more than 50, more likely more than 75%. But that isn’t every weekend, nor did OP state how many weekends in a row she previously stayed. 6 weekends in a row is nbd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has nothing to do with her living with OP. Nanny is not following the state mandate to shelter in place. This would be true whether she had her own apartment or not. If she's hanging out with friends, she's not sheltering in place.

She's young, she's bored, we get it. WE ARE ALL BORED AND WE ALL WANT TO BREAK SIP. But we don't because we understand that public health is more important than our own boredom and loneliness.

Again, the fact that she lives with OP is a red herring. The important fact here is that nanny isn't taking SIP seriously. That's poor judgment that warrants firing, IMO.

This!!!!!

+100 I don’t get the slavery angle at all. She has a car, housing, weekends off. But SIP isn’t fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys - nanny is not paying rent, OP buys all her food, OP lets her use her car whenever she wants. She has a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

Sweet! As long as she remains completely isolated from anyone who cares about her well-being for an indefinite amount of time until Boss Lady says she can. It’s such a sweet sweet deal that you’re going to be first in line for the job opening! Right? I mean, sure, you might miss your loved ones, but you can drive the car wherever you want - as long as you don’t get out of it. Sweet indeed.

I’m a live-in nanny. If the job details were fine, sure.

I haven’t gotten out of the house/ car in weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys - nanny is not paying rent, OP buys all her food, OP lets her use her car whenever she wants. She has a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

Sweet! As long as she remains completely isolated from anyone who cares about her well-being for an indefinite amount of time until Boss Lady says she can. It’s such a sweet sweet deal that you’re going to be first in line for the job opening! Right? I mean, sure, you might miss your loved ones, but you can drive the car wherever you want - as long as you don’t get out of it. Sweet indeed.

I’m a live-in nanny. If the job details were fine, sure.

I haven’t gotten out of the house/ car in weeks.

Do you live with your boss? Are you able to do things around your home without your employer watching your every move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

To me, it sounded like she wasn’t being a considerate roommate/housemate. You don’t walk into the kitchen to fix spaghetti just before or after parents fix salad and fish for family dinner. As I said, I’m a live-in nanny, but I’m not a self-absorbed 20-something anymore (if ever).

What page did OP complain about the nanny making spaghetti? I missed that.

[Anonymous]

OP hasn't come back because some of you are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't come back because some of you are nuts.

OP here - many helpful comments thank you, several nutters it was easier to ignore!
DH and I spoke to our nanny on Thursday, let her know how much we appreciate her, let her know how scared and confused we are by the pandemic, let her know we’d love her to stay but totally understand if our rules are too much.
She chose to stay
Many thanks for all the input
There are unprecedented times for all of us

[Anonymous]

Frankly the line-in nanny doesn't sound any different than my college daughter! She's sheltered in place here with all of her expenses paid (and she actually doesn't even have to watch kids all day!) but she'd rather be out with friends or doing things and she certainly would rather be at school with her people than home with us!

If your nanny decides to go, call me. My DD hasn't left the house but for walks in 7 weeks. She is respectful of the rules protecting the rest of us and would LOVE to be making some money right now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP hasn't come back because some of you are nuts.

OP here - many helpful comments thank you, several nutters it was easier to ignore!
DH and I spoke to our nanny on Thursday, let her know how much we appreciate her, let her know how scared and confused we are by the pandemic, let her know we’d love her to stay but totally understand if our rules are too much.
She chose to stay
Many thanks for all the input
There are unprecedented times for all of us

I’m glad for your sake that she came to her senses and decided to stay. If I were you though, I would be thinking about letting her go after the pandemic is over and it’s easy to hire someone else. Seems her true colors came out with the desire to commit unemployment fraud. Not sure I’d want someone with that kind of character shaping my kids and living in my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

To me, it sounded like she wasn’t being a considerate roommate/housemate. You don’t walk into the kitchen to fix spaghetti just before or after parents fix salad and fish for family dinner. As I said, I’m a live-in nanny, but I’m not a self-absorbed 20-something anymore (if ever).

What page did OP complain about the nanny making spaghetti? I missed that.

She didn’t. PP is just making up scenarios to fit her own agenda. And when is the nanny supposed to “fix spaghetti”, pray tell? Before or after sounds better than during!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

To me, it sounded like she wasn’t being a considerate roommate/housemate. You don’t walk into the kitchen to fix spaghetti just before or after parents fix salad and fish for family dinner. As I said, I’m a live-in nanny, but I’m not a self-absorbed 20-something anymore (if ever).

What page did OP complain about the nanny making spaghetti? I missed that.

The young live-in nannies who leave most weekends are the ones that party or are inconsiderate housemates. Everyone keeps saying that this nanny isn’t a partier (which we don’t know). Well, if she’s not, she must be self-absorbed and inconsiderate of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

To me, it sounded like she wasn’t being a considerate roommate/housemate. You don’t walk into the kitchen to fix spaghetti just before or after parents fix salad and fish for family dinner. As I said, I’m a live-in nanny, but I’m not a self-absorbed 20-something anymore (if ever).

What page did OP complain about the nanny making spaghetti? I missed that.

She didn’t. PP is just making up scenarios to fit her own agenda. And when is the nanny supposed to “fix spaghetti”, pray tell? Before or after sounds better than during!

Depends. In some houses, nanny making her meal while family eats in the dining room is the best scenario. In other situations, waiting an extra 20-30 minutes until the kids have eaten the less desirable meal is considerate.

[Anonymous]

Poor nanny.

I feel bad for these young women who have to deal with monsters like OP and her husband.

So many gross people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny in California and haven’t gone ANYWHERE except work for 49 days. No walks, no grocery stores, no friends, nothing. Unlike OP’s nanny, I actually care about the family who employs me and don’t want to do anything to put them at risk. Most nannies will be okay with a quarantine. Get a new one over 30 who has a brain and isn’t selfish.

Do you live with you employer and therefore have not had any time away from work for 6-7 weeks? I feel like the nanny would probably have an easier time of it if she lives in her own place and therefore had the freedom when she wasn’t working to do things like make a snack or start a new project without having her every move scrutinized by her employer. Given what OP described, it sounds like even what she can eat is regulated by her employer if she’s not allowed to go out and get her own groceries.

It sounds like you’re not familiar with a live-in dynamic. I live-in. I can be in the common areas anytime I want. Kids watch me to see if I’m getting anything they might want, but most of the time nobody notices.

I am familiar with the live-in dynamic, and there is a big difference between being allowed to be in the common area and having free use of the common area. There is a reason the nanny left to stay with friends every weekend before the started, and it’s because she does not like being in OP’s house when she’s not working.

To me, it sounded like she wasn’t being a considerate roommate/housemate. You don’t walk into the kitchen to fix spaghetti just before or after parents fix salad and fish for family dinner. As I said, I’m a live-in nanny, but I’m not a self-absorbed 20-something anymore (if ever).

What page did OP complain about the nanny making spaghetti? I missed that.

The young live-in nannies who leave most weekends are the ones that party or are inconsiderate housemates. Everyone keeps saying that this nanny isn’t a partier (which we don’t know). Well, if she’s not, she must be self-absorbed and inconsiderate of the family.

I was a live in for four years when I was young and left every single weekend and never partied ever. I left because the only space I had was my bedroom and it was with all the other bedrooms. Since I lived there the kids just saw me as part of the family and no matter how much their parents would tell them to leave me alone if I wasn't working, they didn't. I was way more 'fun' and energetic than their parents and they wanted to play. If I stayed, I either sat in my room with kids knocking asking when I was coming out or I was basically working. They were a lovely family and we all got along very well but it felt like a 7 day a week job where I was only paid for 5. It is also very socially restricting because I can't hang out with my friends. So my weekends were my chance to actually live like a young adult. I stayed with a friend who had two roommates and the four of us hung out all weekend. We would watch TV, go to concerts, go biking, stay up late talking, and just spend the weekend being a young 20 something. I didn't drink at the time so it wasn't to party at all and I wasn't inconsiderate - I just needed to have a life outside of being a nanny. Life with the family I worked for was very chaotic and hectic and I needed breaks from that. At the end of the day, it was still a job. It wasn't my life and it is actually a good and healthy thing to have a life outside of work. The idea that my employers own me and that I am selfish to have a life outside of work is a bizarre concept to me. They can tell me what to do as it relates to my job but they don't get to control my life or think that I shouldn't have a life outside of work. Thankfully my employers were completely on board with this and actually I think they also liked a break from me and just having the house to themselves as well. They wouldn't have wanted to live at their jobs 24/7 and they got why I didn't either.