Sister in law from hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am not buying what you are selling. Sure you could be right, but this is all just too much. It is like she knows you and your family are ganging up on her. If she disliked you, you probably did something in the beginning. There is a thing your brother is doing, and that is that he is gossiping his own wife to you. And she knows it and she is insecure because he badmouths her o his family. I'd be pissed too.

OP here. Everything I said it’s true. Why would I lie? Everything was fine (or I thought was fine) until the baby ended up at the hospital (in April) and she got upset at me and eventually left family chat (so did my brother). I then found out and put things together about past things. My brother eventually told me that pregnancy was horrible as well and that she did not want to be a mom, etc. We live so far away and di not see them that Christmas that I had no idea.
To me SIL was a normal person with a few issues she was working on (fear of flying, a bit of anxiety, etc.) like we all do. I have since completely changed my mind...

It is true from your and your brothers and mother's point of view. Your brother sounds immature to complain so much about his wife that recently had a baby. It sounds like she had enough of you. Rather than suggest to your brother that she has PPD you are all ganging up on her, and it sounds like your brother never put her first. And she had enough, this might be her way of trying to save the marriage, before she decides she had enough of a dh that badmouths her to his family(whom he works with!) and who know no boundaries. And rather than advice to your brother how hard motherhood is, you are fueling the fall apart of his marriage. You say this was not like this always, look past your own needs op.

+1000

Op you have choices here (1) stay out of it (2) try to tactfully tell brother how hard motherhood can be, and smooth things over with your mom- try to help a fellow woman and mom here OR (3) throw fuel on the fire

And you are choosing door number 3. Not only are you undermining your brothers marriage, this route is quite likely to backfire on you

This is not accurate. Up until he told me that he would like to get back on the family chat, but can’t because when he tried to bring it up it was a 2-shit storm, I had only told him that the first year with a baby is hard. DH and I fought a lot more than we usually do etc. I never once told him that I think she is crazy, manipulative and possessive... this is what I think now (probably had a sense of this in the past too, but only firmly believe it for the past couple of months). I would never say these things to my brother and if I did, I am sure he would defend her... he is a very good person. I don’t want them to get divorced. All I am saying to him now is that he needs to think about himself too at this point, that I will always be there for him and that I hope he gets back on the family chat (because he wants to... I had never mentioned this chat until the did a month or two ago)

What exactly is the obsession with this “family chat” thing!? You keep highlighting this. I really don’t get it. Who cares? OP you are just too invested in this. If they don’t want to be on the family chat- so be it. It may not be a preferred mode of communication for them. So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

Op seems to be in regular contact with her brother based on all the gossip she is able to spread! So clearly the guy is not “banned from speaking with family”

I’m guessing the SIL know full well what is going on here (her husband is bitching about her with his sister- and the sister is egging him on) so hardly surprising that she is wary when they text/speak together when she isn’t around. This family is really a piece of work. The poor SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

I’m imagining SIL wanting help with a poop explosion and DH is saying, “Hang on. I’ve got to redpond to this message. My mom is worried if I’m ok because she hasn’t heard from me this evening.”

To which SIL says, “Get off that stupid chat!” DH knows she is right to complain, and exits, but blames for his wife for the absence because that is easier than futilely trying to explain to overbearing mom and sister that they need to chill out.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably jealous that your kids gets all the attention on these group chats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I ever told my H that his parents or sister couldn't visit with him and out children while I wasn't around, he's have been at the divorce attorney the next day. And telling him he couldn't be in a group chat with his family? I'm sure he'd love that. SIL is a manipulative bitch. If the brother wants to live like that, let him. But he better keep an eye on what she is emotionally doing to the children. She is not normal or right in the head and I'm sure it doesn't just stop with the brother and her craziness is affecting the children somehow too.

+1. Your brother can and should say no. As a grown adult, he should be texting his family members in whatever group chat he pleases.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess I am not sure why I posted what I did. Maybe I wanted an outside opinion since everyone in my family is already aware of what is going and we all agree. It is very hard however to explain this all situation in writing.
It is an impossible situation because we do not want them to get divorced, but we at the same time do not want my brother to be miserable. My mom or dad have suggested to my brother to go to couple counseling and that she should see a therapist, but I don’t think they want to do that. I am not even 100% sure whether she is also unhappy with their marriage. I would love to hang out with my brother alone and talk about it all, but I am sure it will be impossible. He does not want to admit it, but while she encourages in words his relationship with me (and my parents), is practice she is manipulating him. She tells him he can get back on his family chat, but then when he tells her he wants to, she gets anxiety, cries and does not sleep for 2 nights so, of course, my brother is not back on the chat...

See... I want to think that she is having a very hard time, that maybe did not want the pregnancy (they are mid 30s, but I think she wanted to wait a little more) and she will calm down And eventually become more normal.
But then when I think about Her actions I am afraid that she is either has mental issues or she is really a malicious and manipulative person. When she says “sure, you should go back on your family chat” and then goes crazy; when she decides to do the baptism 2 weeks after we left so that we could not attend; when she makes sure I cannot see the baby unless she is there; when she is upset at me about not reaching out to her directly (as opposed to my brother) when their daughter was at the hospital even after I showed her my brother’s message asking to not contact her because she was too stressed out... all of those things together give me a different picture. I hope I am wrong and that my brother did not make the biggest mistake of his life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

I’m imagining SIL wanting help with a poop explosion and DH is saying, “Hang on. I’ve got to redpond to this message. My mom is worried if I’m ok because she hasn’t heard from me this evening.”

To which SIL says, “Get off that stupid chat!” DH knows she is right to complain, and exits, but blames for his wife for the absence because that is easier than futilely trying to explain to overbearing mom and sister that they need to chill out.

Total conjecture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I am not sure why I posted what I did. Maybe I wanted an outside opinion since everyone in my family is already aware of what is going and we all agree. It is very hard however to explain this all situation in writing.
It is an impossible situation because we do not want them to get divorced, but we at the same time do not want my brother to be miserable. My mom or dad have suggested to my brother to go to couple counseling and that she should see a therapist, but I don’t think they want to do that. I am not even 100% sure whether she is also unhappy with their marriage. I would love to hang out with my brother alone and talk about it all, but I am sure it will be impossible. He does not want to admit it, but while she encourages in words his relationship with me (and my parents), is practice she is manipulating him. She tells him he can get back on his family chat, but then when he tells her he wants to, she gets anxiety, cries and does not sleep for 2 nights so, of course, my brother is not back on the chat...

See... I want to think that she is having a very hard time, that maybe did not want the pregnancy (they are mid 30s, but I think she wanted to wait a little more) and she will calm down And eventually become more normal.
But then when I think about Her actions I am afraid that she is either has mental issues or she is really a malicious and manipulative person. When she says “sure, you should go back on your family chat” and then goes crazy; when she decides to do the baptism 2 weeks after we left so that we could not attend; when she makes sure I cannot see the baby unless she is there; when she is upset at me about not reaching out to her directly (as opposed to my brother) when their daughter was at the hospital even after I showed her my brother’s message asking to not contact her because she was too stressed out... all of those things together give me a different picture. I hope I am wrong and that my brother did not make the biggest mistake of his life

Maybe he did, but he has to figure that out on his own. There is literally nothing you can do but be supportive of your brother and give them space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

That's what douche brother said. I would not be surprised if he badmouths his mom, dad and sister to his wife. I would not believe a word he says.It is very clear that something happened in April when baby got sick. New mom, baby in the hospital, and yet, a previously nice sil became a hound from hell? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Everyone in your family agrees? That your sil is nuts from April? I can't imagine why she hates you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

I’m imagining SIL wanting help with a poop explosion and DH is saying, “Hang on. I’ve got to redpond to this message. My mom is worried if I’m ok because she hasn’t heard from me this evening.”

To which SIL says, “Get off that stupid chat!” DH knows she is right to complain, and exits, but blames for his wife for the absence because that is easier than futilely trying to explain to overbearing mom and sister that they need to chill out.

Total conjecture.

Admittedly. But OP’s voluminous and long-winded posts — and her energetic, unsolicited defense of how the chat is not only pictures of her kids — suggest that the family chat is a bit of a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paragraphs, please!

Agree. Stopped reading after first five lines.

[Anonymous]

So you title your post 'Sister in law from hell' and don't see yourself as a potential issue in having a good relationship with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I am not sure why I posted what I did. Maybe I wanted an outside opinion since everyone in my family is already aware of what is going and we all agree. It is very hard however to explain this all situation in writing.
It is an impossible situation because we do not want them to get divorced, but we at the same time do not want my brother to be miserable. My mom or dad have suggested to my brother to go to couple counseling and that she should see a therapist, but I don’t think they want to do that. I am not even 100% sure whether she is also unhappy with their marriage. I would love to hang out with my brother alone and talk about it all, but I am sure it will be impossible. He does not want to admit it, but while she encourages in words his relationship with me (and my parents), is practice she is manipulating him. She tells him he can get back on his family chat, but then when he tells her he wants to, she gets anxiety, cries and does not sleep for 2 nights so, of course, my brother is not back on the chat...

See... I want to think that she is having a very hard time, that maybe did not want the pregnancy (they are mid 30s, but I think she wanted to wait a little more) and she will calm down And eventually become more normal.
But then when I think about Her actions I am afraid that she is either has mental issues or she is really a malicious and manipulative person. When she says “sure, you should go back on your family chat” and then goes crazy; when she decides to do the baptism 2 weeks after we left so that we could not attend; when she makes sure I cannot see the baby unless she is there; when she is upset at me about not reaching out to her directly (as opposed to my brother) when their daughter was at the hospital even after I showed her my brother’s message asking to not contact her because she was too stressed out... all of those things together give me a different picture. I hope I am wrong and that my brother did not make the biggest mistake of his life

Your brother isn’t unhappy in his marriage and is NOT getting divorced. He is scared of you and your family members and is telling you what you want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op lives here and has all the peace she wants all the time from her own parents, but can't understand that a new mom wants some nuclear family time alone?

Banning a spouse from texting his family isn't about boundaries, it's about control. That's way over the top.

That's what douche brother said. I would not be surprised if he badmouths his mom, dad and sister to his wife. I would not believe a word he says.It is very clear that something happened in April when baby got sick. New mom, baby in the hospital, and yet, a previously nice sil became a hound from hell? Give me a break.

Totally this. One of my SILs could’ve easily been OP posting about me about 10yrs ago. The truth? DH doesn’t like spending time with his parents and sister and fees smothered and henpecked. He was throwing me under the bus because it was easier than taking ownership. I demanded marriage counseling (and would recommend that here).

This whole issue is a VERY common theme on this board “ahhh my brother changed ever since he married Larla!”.

99% of the time the problem is between the DH and his family. That is always the root cause. The spouse may make it a bit better or worse but the problem is in the family relationship ITSELF. No one ever ever wants to believe that because it is easier to blame “SIL” rather than your blood relative and YOURSELF.