Wife expects me to be "on" after a work trip

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team husband. Wife does not have the hassles of traveling and enjoys being home in the week. Make the effort and stop being such a whiner.

She is working full time and handling three children, including all the wake-ups. For a full week. Husband should be weeping with gratitude that she handles everything and enables him to focus exclusively on his job.

I must have missed the post which says she works a job. Got a moment to cite that?

She should have some compassion for her traveling husband. Except on DCUM where the husband is always wrong.

[Anonymous]

My husband used to come home and be 'on' after a deployment to Iraq. You guys that are like "I didn't sleep well in the hotel in Belgium, or San Diego" are a bunch of whiners. Man up!

[Anonymous]

I must have missed the post which says she works a job. Got a moment to cite that?

She should have some compassion for her traveling husband. Except on DCUM where the husband is always wrong.

OP here. Ok team wife it is. When I am wrong I am wrong. We both work full time. Wife works as a floor RN so her shifts vary and some weeks its "part time" (we always try to sync my travel with a light week) but the average amount of shifts per month always equals full time status.

Not all husbands are wrong, but you most definitely are - and lazy, too. Or is your reading comprehension just not sufficient to understand the quoted text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team husband. Wife does not have the hassles of traveling and enjoys being home in the week. Make the effort and stop being such a whiner.

She is working full time and handling three children, including all the wake-ups. For a full week. Husband should be weeping with gratitude that she handles everything and enables him to focus exclusively on his job.

I must have missed the post which says she works a job. Got a moment to cite that?

She should have some compassion for her traveling husband. Except on DCUM where the husband is always wrong.

It's not compassion to let yourself be walked all over and treated unfairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband used to come home and be 'on' after a deployment to Iraq. You guys that are like "I didn't sleep well in the hotel in Belgium, or San Diego" are a bunch of whiners. Man up!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team husband. Wife does not have the hassles of traveling and enjoys being home in the week. Make the effort and stop being such a whiner.

She is working full time and handling three children, including all the wake-ups. For a full week. Husband should be weeping with gratitude that she handles everything and enables him to focus exclusively on his job.

I must have missed the post which says she works a job. Got a moment to cite that?

She should have some compassion for her traveling husband. Except on DCUM where the husband is always wrong.

Jesus are you so lazy you don't even read the thread? Top of Page 2.

OP here. Ok team wife it is. When I am wrong I am wrong. We both work full time. Wife works as a floor RN so her shifts vary and some weeks its "part time" (we always try to sync my travel with a light week) but the average amount of shifts per month always equals full time status.

[Anonymous]

OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team husband. Wife does not have the hassles of traveling and enjoys being home in the week. Make the effort and stop being such a whiner.

She is working full time and handling three children, including all the wake-ups. For a full week. Husband should be weeping with gratitude that she handles everything and enables him to focus exclusively on his job.

I must have missed the post which says she works a job. Got a moment to cite that?

She should have some compassion for her traveling husband. Except on DCUM where the husband is always wrong.

Jesus are you so lazy you don't even read the thread? Top of Page 2.

OP here. Ok team wife it is. When I am wrong I am wrong. We both work full time. Wife works as a floor RN so her shifts vary and some weeks its "part time" (we always try to sync my travel with a light week) but the average amount of shifts per month always equals full time status.

Of course I didn’t read the whole thread. Are you so stupid to not realize that? Way to be a sap and let your part time working wife boss you around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

This this this.

Your husband probably doesn’t want to be “on” because your actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping. Kind of like a dad not wanting to change a 3 year olds diapers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

This this this.

Your husband probably doesn’t want to be “on” because your actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping. Kind of like a dad not wanting to change a 3 year olds diapers.

Only someone who assumes that sleep and potty training are the sole responsibility of the mother would frame it that way ...

Dad doesn't like waking up? Dad buys Ferber and initiates sleep training. Dad doesn't like changing diapers? Dad buys Oh Crap, takes 3 days off work, and does the boot camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

This this this.

Your husband probably doesn’t want to be “on” because your actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping. Kind of like a dad not wanting to change a 3 year olds diapers.

Only someone who assumes that sleep and potty training are the sole responsibility of the mother would frame it that way ...

Dad doesn't like waking up? Dad buys Ferber and initiates sleep training. Dad doesn't like changing diapers? Dad buys Oh Crap, takes 3 days off work, and does the boot camp.

Go you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

I agree. A 3yo should not be up multiple nights a week needing attention. That is neither normal nor acceptable. If 3yo needs to potty, s/he can do so solo.

[Anonymous]

oh my god really. Are you my husband? We both WOH in fairly demanding jobs and my husband travels one week a month, which is a shitshow for me. We have a 4 month old and a newish 2 year old. We have a nanny for the baby and the older one is in full time daycare. I am lucky in that I can work from home when he is traveling (otherwise I lose so much time in the car). But the baby is still waking up multiple times at night and too young to sleep train, the last time DH traveled the baby had a cold and would not sleep in his bed. Meanwhile, work was blowing up and I would have to log back on until midnight after I finally got both kids down (oh and baby woke 3x before midnight too). I got maybe 3-4 shitty hours of sleep each night, and then had to hustle the 2yo out of bed/our the door, feed the baby, run to do pickup before the nanny left, get everyone fed, toddler bath and in bed. It was a freaking whirlwind that left me exhausted. My DH while he’s gone is always so apologetic and promises he’ll handle everything a couple of nights when he’s back it when I’m actually shaking him awake that first night back he literally asked me if I could handle it and that he couldn’t deal with waking up every few hours.

If I wasn’t so tired I would’ve punched him.

Look I understand how sleeping at the hotel can be not restful. I actually sleep poorly on business trips as well, unfamiliar environment, paranoia over oversleeping, etc. and it can be exhausting. My DH does a lot of driving on his trips and I know how tiring it is. But that does not remotely compare to the schlepping of 3 kids to and from wherever they have to be, dealing with ALL night wakeups, and generally being responsible for keeping all 3 kids alive, clean and fed is really exhausting especially when also working out of the home.

Apologize profusely to your wife for ever having told her you need more rest after a business trip and suck it up! This too shall pass but not if she kills you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I dont know if anyone mentioned this because I didnt read the whole thread, but a part of the problem is that your 3 year old is spoiled as hell. There is NO WAY I would entertain a 3 year old at night like that. There is no back run and tucking in in the middle of the night. 3 is old enough to get up and potty alone often times, and if not at least cut out all the extras. Just accompany the kid to the toilet and go bakc to bed. But I'm skeptical they need help with that.

This this this.

Your husband probably doesn’t want to be “on” because your actions have resulted in your kids not sleeping. Kind of like a dad not wanting to change a 3 year olds diapers.

Only someone who assumes that sleep and potty training are the sole responsibility of the mother would frame it that way ...

Dad doesn't like waking up? Dad buys Ferber and initiates sleep training. Dad doesn't like changing diapers? Dad buys Oh Crap, takes 3 days off work, and does the boot camp.

I don’t think this and my husband played an equal role in both.

BUT in this situation it seems safe to assume that the mother is the one in charge of the kids’ sleep. After all isn’t the husband away a lot on business travel? The DH can Ferber all he wants but if the mom is running into the kid’s room multiple times a night then Ferber won’t do any good.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I am with your wife here. I am sure you enjoyed nice business dinners, maybe a cocktail, and a quiet hotel while she was wiping up vomit, changing diapers and being the only one to deal with anything anyone needed at any time.

You should be “on.” I wouldn’t have a ton of sympathy for your plight.

Let’s say your wife went on a four-day vacay with girlfriends. When she returns, should she be “on”?