Wife expects me to be "on" after a work trip
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Anonymous
| This is strictly a nighttime issue. We always agree on the day time division of work. We have a 9 mo old and a 3 year old (also a 7 yr old but he sleeps overnight no issue) and I would say the 9 month old still gets up 4/7 nights a week and the 3 year old a similar amount of time. The baby wants a bottle and goes back down. The 3 year old uses the restroom, needs tucked in, sometimes needs water or back rubbed. We are both fine with this level of need. We usually just switch nights off 50/50. But when I come back to traveling she expects me to take 2 to 3 nights in a row. I sleep TERRIBLE at hotels and really need sleep MORE than normal when I return. She said she's exhausted from doing a week solo and would love nothing more than "a cheap empty hotel room to sleep in." I get both sides but I am beginning to really hate coming home because I know my shifts will start ASAP. What are the solutions here? |
Anonymous
|
You should at least do your first night back.
Then, get the second night back to yourself for sleep, and tell her you'll do an extra shift over the weekend or something. |
Anonymous
| Parenting is rough sometimes. This stage will pass. |
Anonymous
| Stop traveling or hire her help. |
Anonymous
| Team wife. Unless she SAH, then team husband. |
Anonymous
| Time your flights so you arrive in the morning. Then you have all day to rest up before you're actually on. |
Anonymous
|
Even if you sleep terribly at hotels, that's something that can be addressed with melatonin, sleeping pills, etc.
Your wife has no choice but to be up and dealing with the overnight routines. You would have mentioned it if she stays at home or works less than you, so she's working FT, doing all morning and evening parenting, and then all overnight parenting? She's right in this situation. |
Anonymous
|
You're both in terrible shape after a trip, so I think you should do your usual 50-50 split.
Can you figure out why you are sleeping so poorly in hotels? I'm taking your word for it that you don't sleep well but it's hard to imagine that sleeping alone without the kids isn't heaven, so I get where your spouse is coming from. |
Anonymous
| Find a way to sleep better at the hotel - white noise, adjust temperature, earplugs, sleeping pill, whatever. Your wife is correct. |
Anonymous
| Team wife... taking care of 3 kids alone is much more difficult than my job!! |
Anonymous
| She does several nights in a row and then wants you to do several nights in a row. That's completely fair. If you really do sleep that terribly in a hotel room, adjust the deal so that you'll do the first night on, next night off, then whatever number of nights she had to handle on her own, you do on your own. It's even in the end but you get a night of good sleep to get back into the swing. |
Anonymous
| I’d start by not coddling the three year old at night. They can take themselves to the bathroom, get their own drink (from a cup you’ve left at the bedside) etc. Time to wean them from needing overnight care. That’s ridiculous. That alone will ease 90% of your issues. Give the baby a bottle and go back to bed. Done. |
Anonymous
| You suck it up and deal with it. You can make a case for 50/50 instead of 2-3 nights in a row when you come back, but no one is going to have much sympathy for your terrible sleep at a hotel vs her having to bedtime/wake ups/morning routine the entire time you are gone. You are basically saying you hate coming home because you don't want to parent. |
Anonymous
This. You can fix your problem, she can not fix hers. |
Anonymous
| She is right. She has been on the entire time you are gone. Give her a break! |