Wife expects me to be "on" after a work trip

[Anonymous]

You sleep badly at hotels? By yourself, on your own schedule, with no child or household duties? Take melatonin when you travel, get sleep, and jump in when you get back. How do you think your wife sleeps being solo parent while you’re gone? Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Granted only 1 kid (with moderate special needs - so involves a bit more hands on than typical 1 kid), and DH travels a lot for work. When he travels, he is ON. Usually starts with a breakfast meeting, all day meetings, dinner, and post dinner drinks with clients. Usually only gets 4-6 hours a night of sleep (way less than our usual 8 hours a night). And his travel involves airport travel, and often connections.

I work close to full time, but from home.

When he gets home we are back to 50/50. None of this "you take 3 nights in a row".

That said, we usually trade off bedtime routine 50/50 -- and if he's leaving on monday morning for a trip, and he happened to have put DS to be on saturday night, he'll generally pick up sunday night too. And when he comes home, he'll always pick up the first night back, and then i'm back on the next night.

This seems totally reasonable to me and i don't feel like i'm getting the short end of the stick. Sometimes, honestly, having DH travel makes my life a little simpler and easier at home -- even if i am doing all the kid stuff. But we have simpler meals, there's less laundry and dishes, less conversation. So even though my responsibilities are greater, i actually find those days strangely more relaxing.

So that's what works for us. But only one kid, and DH's work travel is intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team wife... taking care of 3 kids alone is much more difficult than my job!!

Boo hoo. You had a full uninterrupted night at a hotel. I’m not buying the “I can’t sleep so I’m MORE tired” bit. The wife definitely had it harder and you need to man up. You taking over at least 2 nights after ages solo parented all week is MORE than fair.

Take sleeping pills, melatonin, white noise, whatever you need to do. You sound incredibly whiny complaining about how you don’t get good sleep at a hotel while she’s being woken up several times a night. Really, you sound like a baby. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

PEOPLE - READ!! The OP already came back and said he was wrong. I hate when people just post without reading.

[Anonymous]

why does a 3yr old need a back rub during the night?

[Anonymous]

“Team wife. Unless she SAH, then team husband.”


So are we not allowed to be human and need help/ sleep too? What an absolutely ruthless and ignorant thing to write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you sleep in a hotel room? I would have no sympathy if my husband got a quiet room to himself with zero interruption and “couldn’t sleep”

There isn’t any reason you shouldn’t come back rested. Next time take an ambien or a Xanax

Female here, and I don't sleep well in hotel rooms either. Zero interruption is a fantasy - have you never stayed in a hotel? People have parties in hotels, there are kids, there are people who have loud sex or sound like they are stomping around. On top of that, the surroundings aren't familiar; it isn't your bed, your pillows, your environment, etc, so relaxation is already hard. To say that flights are not comfortable is an understatement, even if you are flying first class. Many people on travel party for sure, but I would say even more people are working 12-14 hours a day.

That said, I agree that OP needs to take over child care after being gone. I think a better solution, however, if they could afford it, is to outsource some childcare for the days that he is traveling.

What hotels are you staying in???

I stay in Marriotts and I never have these issues. Parties? Never happens. Very rarely is there any other type of noise and if there is, I ask to be moved, the end. Problem solved.

How do you people get through life being such snowflakes? I can’t even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting is rough sometimes. This stage will pass.

Parenting and raising kids — esp such young, dependent ones- is about sucking it up and putting the kids first. Not you, not your job, not your work travel.
Get that and your life won’t explode in technicolor disaster a few years from now as you still don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Team wife. Unless she SAH, then team husband.”


So are we not allowed to be human and need help/ sleep too? What an absolutely ruthless and ignorant thing to write.

When you stay home you do not need as much brain power as someone who works in an office. To support you, no less. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t sleep well in hotels, even very nice ones. It’s just not home.

BUT I just take trazadone when I travel. And before I got that I used to take something over the counter like unisom or Benadryl. There are many solutions here.

[Anonymous]

my vote is sleep train. No reason for either kid to be up at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my vote is sleep train. No reason for either kid to be up at night.

Thats what I said, this is craziness

[Anonymous]

Sleep train the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parenting is rough sometimes. This stage will pass.

This. I am team nobody. If you have the energy, you do what is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All 3 of your kids should be sleeping through the night.
Fix this and the problem will be solved.

Ultimately this is the answer. There shouldn’t be any resentment and trading night duty. Sleep training needs to be the priority.