Behavioral Issues at Private Schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a long-time resident of this area with experience in both private and public, my experience is that most private school kids fit in 1 of 4 buckets:

1) family wants religious school

2) family has long standing relationship with the school and/or extreme family wealth

3) family is 'new money' and assumes things you pay for are always better, therefore private must be - they don't have much experience with private or public but just like to show off that they have money and be surrounded by people who do

4) kids with specific issues - whether they're exceptionally bright or exceptionally difficult, they're outside the norm in some way (more often negative than positive)

5) School has an approach to education that differs from other schools and align’s with family’s outlook/philosophy

Please give a concrete example of a school that does this for a particular kind of kid / family (and doesn't fit into one of the two buckets already listed - religious or kid way outside the norm).

Why does s/he need to prove it to you? And why would it be 'way outside the norm"? What's your ax?

Curiosity. Montessori is a good example although I wonder what kind of high school a kid who went through 8th in one would successfully attend.

[Anonymous]

I have experience with private school, DC charter school, and a DC public school.

We also have 'issues' in our family. Lots of super-smart people who also have diagnoses: a little ADHD here, social skills issues there, a smattering of dyslexia and/or dysgraphia. When I went to an area K-12 from kindergarten on, I sort of knew we had differences in our family, but we didn't get diagnoses back then. Now I realize that my parents weren't really sure that we could 'make' it in a public school environment that might have lots of distractions, noise, kids with behavioral problems, etc. By putting us in private schools early, they ensured we were in a place with good educational outcomes. My mom volunteered a lot, my father was involved with the school administration. I bet we were hard to kick out, although we weren't big donors.

FWIW, we are all successful people and contribute in many ways to the world.

Fast forward 30 years and I am facing the same question for my son. We went public initially because he seemed so darned smart and we were sure he wouldn't have problems. Turns out that part of his 'giftedness' is also a tendency towards intensity, sensitivity, inattention, and anxiety. (These things go together more often than not). Now, we are looking at private schools. A better socio-emotional environment will be appropriate for him.

[Anonymous]

Same here. When (age) and where did he get diagnosed, if at all. Was it a full neuropsych for a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have experience with private school, DC charter school, and a DC public school.

We also have 'issues' in our family. Lots of super-smart people who also have diagnoses: a little ADHD here, social skills issues there, a smattering of dyslexia and/or dysgraphia. When I went to an area K-12 from kindergarten on, I sort of knew we had differences in our family, but we didn't get diagnoses back then. Now I realize that my parents weren't really sure that we could 'make' it in a public school environment that might have lots of distractions, noise, kids with behavioral problems, etc. By putting us in private schools early, they ensured we were in a place with good educational outcomes. My mom volunteered a lot, my father was involved with the school administration. I bet we were hard to kick out, although we weren't big donors.

FWIW, we are all successful people and contribute in many ways to the world.

Fast forward 30 years and I am facing the same question for my son. We went public initially because he seemed so darned smart and we were sure he wouldn't have problems. Turns out that part of his 'giftedness' is also a tendency towards intensity, sensitivity, inattention, and anxiety. (These things go together more often than not). Now, we are looking at private schools. A better socio-emotional environment will be appropriate for him.

I hope you find the right place. But there is no particular reason other than marketing to suggest that privates in general have a better socio emotional environment. It’s like saying you’re going private because they have better carpet than public: every school will be different and there will not be an obvious public/private split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have experience with private school, DC charter school, and a DC public school.

We also have 'issues' in our family. Lots of super-smart people who also have diagnoses: a little ADHD here, social skills issues there, a smattering of dyslexia and/or dysgraphia. When I went to an area K-12 from kindergarten on, I sort of knew we had differences in our family, but we didn't get diagnoses back then. Now I realize that my parents weren't really sure that we could 'make' it in a public school environment that might have lots of distractions, noise, kids with behavioral problems, etc. By putting us in private schools early, they ensured we were in a place with good educational outcomes. My mom volunteered a lot, my father was involved with the school administration. I bet we were hard to kick out, although we weren't big donors.

FWIW, we are all successful people and contribute in many ways to the world.

Fast forward 30 years and I am facing the same question for my son. We went public initially because he seemed so darned smart and we were sure he wouldn't have problems. Turns out that part of his 'giftedness' is also a tendency towards intensity, sensitivity, inattention, and anxiety. (These things go together more often than not). Now, we are looking at private schools. A better socio-emotional environment will be appropriate for him.

I hope you find the right place. But there is no particular reason other than marketing to suggest that privates in general have a better socio emotional environment. It’s like saying you’re going private because they have better carpet than public: every school will be different and there will not be an obvious public/private split.

Class size is fairly easily determined and can be a straightforward basis for comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the deranged parent that hides behavior problems when they apply to private schools?

You don't think teacher recommendations would reflect that?

Definitely not. The teachers are going to write glowing endorsements so they can move the student out of their own classrooms.

Or parents hide psychological testing. Or take multiple test.

[Anonymous]

Whatever. I’ve only heard consistent complaints about 1 kid out of about 60. This is not our experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid might be the type of kid you are talking about. Not psychotic. But a behavioral problem. Adhd with low frustration tolerance. He was a model student up until three years ago.The veteran teachers all left and the new ones had zero experience dealing with the behavioral side of ADHD. Plus, they didn’t follow their version of a 504. They don’t have to legally. And he got in trouble. A lot.

I pulled him out two years ago and put him in a public school that has a good reputation dealing with special education requirements. It’s like night and day. Well behaved. Focused. Good grades.

Many smaller private schools that are taking kids with learning challenges have not sufficiently trained their staff to manage them. They need the tuition. It’s not fair to the teachers, the other students, or the kids themselves. Either don’t accept kids, or train the teachers and provide the necessary supports.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have experience with private school, DC charter school, and a DC public school.

We also have 'issues' in our family. Lots of super-smart people who also have diagnoses: a little ADHD here, social skills issues there, a smattering of dyslexia and/or dysgraphia. When I went to an area K-12 from kindergarten on, I sort of knew we had differences in our family, but we didn't get diagnoses back then. Now I realize that my parents weren't really sure that we could 'make' it in a public school environment that might have lots of distractions, noise, kids with behavioral problems, etc. By putting us in private schools early, they ensured we were in a place with good educational outcomes. My mom volunteered a lot, my father was involved with the school administration. I bet we were hard to kick out, although we weren't big donors.

FWIW, we are all successful people and contribute in many ways to the world.

Fast forward 30 years and I am facing the same question for my son. We went public initially because he seemed so darned smart and we were sure he wouldn't have problems. Turns out that part of his 'giftedness' is also a tendency towards intensity, sensitivity, inattention, and anxiety. (These things go together more often than not). Now, we are looking at private schools. A better socio-emotional environment will be appropriate for him.

Those that emphasize SEL have typically been doing it longer than the publics and they're doing more than just buying and implementing an "off-the-rack" program like Responsive Classroom. RC is often part of the overall program but it's no the beginning and end.

I hope you find the right place. But there is no particular reason other than marketing to suggest that privates in general have a better socio emotional environment. It’s like saying you’re going private because they have better carpet than public: every school will be different and there will not be an obvious public/private split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have experience with private school, DC charter school, and a DC public school.

We also have 'issues' in our family. Lots of super-smart people who also have diagnoses: a little ADHD here, social skills issues there, a smattering of dyslexia and/or dysgraphia. When I went to an area K-12 from kindergarten on, I sort of knew we had differences in our family, but we didn't get diagnoses back then. Now I realize that my parents weren't really sure that we could 'make' it in a public school environment that might have lots of distractions, noise, kids with behavioral problems, etc. By putting us in private schools early, they ensured we were in a place with good educational outcomes. My mom volunteered a lot, my father was involved with the school administration. I bet we were hard to kick out, although we weren't big donors.

FWIW, we are all successful people and contribute in many ways to the world.

Fast forward 30 years and I am facing the same question for my son. We went public initially because he seemed so darned smart and we were sure he wouldn't have problems. Turns out that part of his 'giftedness' is also a tendency towards intensity, sensitivity, inattention, and anxiety. (These things go together more often than not). Now, we are looking at private schools. A better socio-emotional environment will be appropriate for him.

Those that emphasize SEL have typically been doing it longer than the publics and they're doing more than just buying and implementing an "off-the-rack" program like Responsive Classroom. RC is often part of the overall program but it's no the beginning and end.

I hope you find the right place. But there is no particular reason other than marketing to suggest that privates in general have a better socio emotional environment. It’s like saying you’re going private because they have better carpet than public: every school will be different and there will not be an obvious public/private split.

Those that emphasize SEL have typically been doing it longer than the publics and they're doing more than just buying and implementing an "off-the-rack" program like Responsive Classroom. RC is often part of the overall program but it's no the beginning and end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends this weekend who are teachers at well respected (but not big 3 ) schools were saying that there are some huge issues at their schools. One went so far as to say that they have an unusually high number of psychotic kids in certain grades. Both have children and would never (even with tuition remission and financial aid) put their own children in their schools. Do you think some people go private so that they don't have to deal with their kid's issues?

Find it hard to believe there are many psychotic kids at these schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friends this weekend who are teachers at well respected (but not big 3 ) schools were saying that there are some huge issues at their schools. One went so far as to say that they have an unusually high number of psychotic kids in certain grades. Both have children and would never (even with tuition remission and financial aid) put their own children in their schools. Do you think some people go private so that they don't have to deal with their kid's issues?

Find it hard to believe there are many psychotic kids at these schools?

I have written earlier here as a teacher but did not write this, above. I’m not quite sure what they meant by psychotic, but there are certainly significant narcissistic behaviors that are enabled by extreme wealth. It’s hard to grow up as a regular middle class child and literally always be the center of attention, and be given everything you ever ask for.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP.
There is a strong sense of entitlement and we notice that behaviors are often tolerated or attributed to "kids being kids" and the remedy is holding assemblies or bringing in speakers to talk about tolerance, diversity, etc..

A fair number of kids have a team of therapists, tutors and college counselors by the time they hit high school. The school itself does not do much else to curtail inappropriate behaviors (racially insensitive comments, outright bullying, both cyber and in person, etc..) and as a result the school's message about being a tolerant and welcoming community often rings hollow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is from yet another public school parent trying to make themselves feel better about not paying the money to send their child to a private school. Yes private is better and well worth the money.

Last time I checked my public high school had 9 kids admitted to Harvard, 7 Georgetown, and etc....I think someone who had paid $100k for the same outcome who has paid $0 should feel too good.

This is truly meaningless and irresponsible without knowing if any of the admittees had favored status due to factors other than academic. Honestly. Maybe you should check next time you check. Moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have experience with private school, DC charter school, and a DC public school.

We also have 'issues' in our family. Lots of super-smart people who also have diagnoses: a little ADHD here, social skills issues there, a smattering of dyslexia and/or dysgraphia. When I went to an area K-12 from kindergarten on, I sort of knew we had differences in our family, but we didn't get diagnoses back then. Now I realize that my parents weren't really sure that we could 'make' it in a public school environment that might have lots of distractions, noise, kids with behavioral problems, etc. By putting us in private schools early, they ensured we were in a place with good educational outcomes. My mom volunteered a lot, my father was involved with the school administration. I bet we were hard to kick out, although we weren't big donors.

FWIW, we are all successful people and contribute in many ways to the world.

Fast forward 30 years and I am facing the same question for my son. We went public initially because he seemed so darned smart and we were sure he wouldn't have problems. Turns out that part of his 'giftedness' is also a tendency towards intensity, sensitivity, inattention, and anxiety. (These things go together more often than not). Now, we are looking at private schools. A better socio-emotional environment will be appropriate for him.

Those that emphasize SEL have typically been doing it longer than the publics and they're doing more than just buying and implementing an "off-the-rack" program like Responsive Classroom. RC is often part of the overall program but it's no the beginning and end.

I hope you find the right place. But there is no particular reason other than marketing to suggest that privates in general have a better socio emotional environment. It’s like saying you’re going private because they have better carpet than public: every school will be different and there will not be an obvious public/private split.

Those that emphasize SEL have typically been doing it longer than the publics and they're doing more than just buying and implementing an "off-the-rack" program like Responsive Classroom. RC is often part of the overall program but it's no the beginning and end.

Please don't pretend that RC is not good enough. It works really well at many schools when fully embraced.