Reply to SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well I can give you the flip side. I developed what became a life long eating disorder at 14 (eating disorders are a form of addictive behavior that you never really "get over" completely but you can learn to manage it to live functionally). At that time, it was really really bad. I'm 5'7 and I got down to ~ 90 lbs. Looking back on it now, I probably should have gone into an inpatient facility but there were none around where we lived. Therapists specializing in eating disorders were also nonexistent.

I really needed my mom at that time but she had just gone back to work at a very intense, time consuming job.

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I'm sorry this happened to you.  That was about your particular mom and your particular dynamic with your mom, not about the fact that she worked.  [/quote]

My point is that [b]many [/b]teens have mental health issues and need their parents at that age. She went back to work when I was 13 because they needed the money. But ideally she would have stayed home with us during those years because her kids could have benefited from it.

My younger brother also got into a lot of trouble (drinking, drugs, girls) in those years. It can't even be blamed on me and my issues because I was away at college by the time he was in middle school.[/quote]

Again, many working parents are able to help their teens through these difficult times and issue.  Your problem was your own family situation.  Please stop trying to use your one experience to tell all moms they need to stay at home during the teen years.

And why don't you put any blame on your father???[/quote]

I think you have a reading comprehension issue. The OP asked about staying home during the teen years. Many posters tell her it is useless. I pipe up to provide the flip side which is, if you happen to have a teen with mental health issues (not uncommon) it can be beneficial for the child to have a parent around. I am telling you that as a teenager, I actively remember wishing my mother was home with me after school. I needed her support. I don't blame her at all for working, we needed the money. But ideally she would have continued staying at home because I had serious health issues.

In these kinds of threads, I think most posters with young children are envisioning the "ideal" teen who takes 6 AP classes, is class president, has tons of friends, plays sports after school every day then races home to do homework for 3 hours and has no mental health issues like anxiety, depression, cutting, eating disorders, drugs, drinking, etc. etc. Those kids exist but so do kids with problems. [/quote]

There is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension.  Your first PP presented your singular experience as an argument that teens with mental health issues need a stay at home mom.  Stop using your personal experience as an argument for what "many" families need.  You are in no position to judge that.  You believe that YOU needed your mom to stay at home for you.  It is entirely possible that had your mother stayed at home, your outcomes may have been no different.  You really can't say.  In addition, there are a whole spectrum of working situations that can accommodate what you are talking about.  It's not all work-60-hours-a-week vs. stay home full time. I don't think the majority of respondents are saying it is "useless", but they may be arguing as to whether it is necessary.  There is a big difference.

I still see that you say nothing about your father.  Why do people make this all about the mothers as though fathers have no hand in outcomes for their children?

I'm sorry for your struggles, I truly am, but stop using your disappointment with regard to your own mother's choices and behavior to shame working moms.[/quote]

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