How awful would it be if my DD didn't attend her dad's wedding?

[Anonymous]

(1) She's not invited to the ceremony? That's bonkers, and pretty much demonstrates that she's nothing but a prop here. Zero effort has been made to accommodate or include her.

(2) The bride's mother is not going to want to babysit a three-year-old she's never met during her own daughter's wedding reception. She's going to want to greet guests, talk to friends, take photos, have a drink, etc. (Just like your ex and his wife.) I bet she doesn't even know that the ex volunteered her as a babysitter.

(3) I might offer to bring her, but not to drop her off. She can come if a babysitter she knows stays with her. If that's not okay, then she doesn't come. You can frame it as a favor to the couple and the bride's mom.

(4) She's not going to miss anything, and the odds are pretty good that this marriage doesn't last anyway, so it's unlikely that she'll be asking you someday why she wasn't as this wedding. On the other hand, one late night isn't going to hurt her all that much. If your husband will agree to having an actual babysitter stay with her and take her out promptly at the end of the hour, I'd agree to let her go.

[Anonymous]

I think 10:01 (page 7) is right on. OP, go with 10:07's advice, and even though this isn't my situation, I want to comment that it's the cool thing about DCUM that people can get such great advice from strangers, and also, that people like 10:01 take the time to write it (that post took time and thought)

[Anonymous]

Send her with a babysitter of your choice. Send him the bill.

[Anonymous]

3 years old is too young. I'd send her with a sitter from 7-830 and I'd hang out in the lobby. The only way I'd be okay with having his new wife's mother watch her is if I meet her beforehand, discuss the plan for the wedding day, and feel comfortable about it. What's the point of going to the reception and not the actual ceremony? If you hire a sitter, I'd make him pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Say she can come early for pictures, prior to the ceremony. You'll be there too. Feel free to introduce yourself as wife #2 to anyone who asks.

No-go on the reception.

[Anonymous]

Wow. She's not invited to the ceremony? You both sound like maladjusted people.

[Anonymous]

OP sometimes we get caught up doing the "right thing" under normal circumstances. Your situation is not a normal circumstance. And I'm so sorry. I won't rehash the things ex should have done to ensure his daughters well being at his wedding. An important missing point here is that he did not plan or respect the well being of the mother of his child.

The only person that matters in all of this is your daughter who may be very mature for a 3 year old, but I'd never throw her into that situation. The thing that's most worrisome (and it may just have been your paraphrasing) is MIL "will keep an eye on her." Um, one keeps an eye on a teen guest to make sure they're not hitting up the open bar! One attends to a 3 year old 100%, especially in such an overwhelming situation at 7 pm when she normally is going to sleep for the night.

No compliance is needed unless he deserves it for being a stellar father emotionally, financially and is physically present in her life. If so, he pays for a sitter of your choosing for one hour, you wait wherever your dear heart desires. All the best.

[Anonymous]

You have to let her attend, but you are not responsible for dropping off and picking up. Just ask him to let you know the arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to let her attend, but you are not responsible for dropping off and picking up. Just ask him to let you know the arrangements.

The problem with that is that it seems unlikely that the ex-DH will do a good job lining up a responsible caregiver. I would send her with a babysitter of my own choosing, for no more than an hour tops.

Good luck OP. I feel for your poor daughter with this man as her dad, but you are clearly lucky to be (mostly) free of him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why there is NO ONE who will know or have connections to your daughter *at her dads wedding.”

???

Presumably because it's wedding #4 and all the relatives excused themselves.

OP, I don't know why others are criticizing. I would never let my three year old attend in the situation you describe.

Neither would I.

Why is DD not invited to the wedding? She should be the flower girl and go home after wedding photos and before the reception. She is three. She will likely melt down shortly into the reception (long before dinner is served) as it will be her bed time and she doesn't know anyone except her father who will be making the rounds as the groom. Doesn't seem like the dad has done much to accomodate his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to let her attend, but you are not responsible for dropping off and picking up. Just ask him to let you know the arrangements.

He doesn't sound the type to make arrangements. Or responsible ones at that. He'll be too busy browsing the bridesmaids for wife #5 to take care of the details. OP is on her own if she wants to make this work. I wouldn't be so inclined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

Yes, I wondered that as well. But regardless, I would not send dd.

These people are unstable morons. I would protect my daughter at all costs like a good parent should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask him what his childcare plans for her are during the event? If his response is that someone normal (a friend or relative that you know) will be watching her, hang out and take her home at 8:30. If his response is that he has no idea, say you think it won't work out unless he can arrange for someone to be responsible for her.

This. I used to work as a nanny and I took care of a little girl whose mom remarried when she was 4. I was in charge of her all day up until 10pm when her grandmother came to the hotel room to take over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only person that matters in all of this is your daughter who may be very mature for a 3 year old, but I'd never throw her into that situation. The thing that's most worrisome (and it may just have been your paraphrasing) is MIL "will keep an eye on her." Um, one keeps an eye on a teen guest to make sure they're not hitting up the open bar! One attends to a 3 year old 100%, especially in such an overwhelming situation at 7 pm when she normally is going to sleep for the night.

NP +1

This is how little kids drown at parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 10:01 (page 7) is right on. OP, go with 10:07's advice, and even though this isn't my situation, I want to comment that it's the cool thing about DCUM that people can get such great advice from strangers, and also, that people like 10:01 take the time to write it (that post took time and thought)

+ 1
Good luck OP.