How awful would it be if my DD didn't attend her dad's wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to at least make an appearance. I was young when my dad remarried- he just eloped with his long term girlfriend then let us know that he was married.

I resent, to this day, that he didn't think his children were important enough to be present at his wedding. It also permanently damaged my relationship with my step mom because I feel like if *I* married someone with kids from a previous marriage, I would make it a huge priority to include them and make them feel very central to our lives.

I think your DD doesn't need to know that her presence isn't a big priority for her dad (timing, not being a part of the wedding, etc. as you point out). She needs to feel important and included, whether it's reality or not- even if she doesn't remember the event, she will remember that she was there. It can cause immense negative feelings toward you, her dad and her stepmom when she knows she wasn't there.

Totally agree, if the dad seemed to care about actually including her in a meaningful way. Unfortunately, he didn't, and OP made the right call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The wedding was Tuesday evening and DD did not attend. I did give it some serious thought and talked with her dad about his plan for the evening. A couple of factors that influenced my decision: As I suspected, his new MIL did not know her babysitting services were being offered for a child she has not met before. Also, the reception was a sit-down served dinner and it seemed to me like a lot to ask of a 3 year old at bedtime to sit down for dinner. Finally, DD would not be present for the photos. ExH wanted me to drop her off at the front of the hotel and pick her up again in an hour.

Good call, OP.

I would have said no based on timing, anyway.

[Anonymous]

If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

She is not mad. She is worried about her child's well-being. At a week-day night reception, after daughter's bedtime, where she doesn't know MIL#4 who will be supposed to watch DD while MIL#4 will more than likely prefer... you know, being at the reception and celebrating her daughter's wedding. But I guess a 3 year old who toddles off and drowns in the garden pond or just walks off because nobody really wants to be responsible for her is not a big deal, as long as the wedding pictures have been taken earlier and PP has bent over backwards for xH's requests.

Goodness, I was 5 when my father remarried and he actually made sure that the wedding was suitable for a 5 year old... Friday afternoon/evening wedding, I was invited to the ceremony as well as the reception, he invited a friend of mine so I wasn't alone and then friend's parents picked us up after dinner and I spent the night with them. There are options how to include young children into weddings. What PP's xH has organised it not one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

Because she didn’t drop off a three year old for an hour with a complete stranger as reluctant babysitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

No, she's blocking the contact. She could have brought the daughter and insisted on staying. She'll probably continue to block visitation and refuse contact and demand more child support wanting the new wife's money as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

She is not mad. She is worried about her child's well-being. At a week-day night reception, after daughter's bedtime, where she doesn't know MIL#4 who will be supposed to watch DD while MIL#4 will more than likely prefer... you know, being at the reception and celebrating her daughter's wedding. But I guess a 3 year old who toddles off and drowns in the garden pond or just walks off because nobody really wants to be responsible for her is not a big deal, as long as the wedding pictures have been taken earlier and PP has bent over backwards for xH's requests.

Goodness, I was 5 when my father remarried and he actually made sure that the wedding was suitable for a 5 year old... Friday afternoon/evening wedding, I was invited to the ceremony as well as the reception, he invited a friend of mine so I wasn't alone and then friend's parents picked us up after dinner and I spent the night with them. There are options how to include young children into weddings. What PP's xH has organised it not one.

OP could have asked to stay or speak with grandma to make sure she was ok watching the child. Or, send a babysitter if they have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

No, she's blocking the contact. She could have brought the daughter and insisted on staying. She'll probably continue to block visitation and refuse contact and demand more child support wanting the new wife's money as well.

If OP had insisted on staying you all would have had a field day! You would have said OP was a psycho wedding crasher who was jealous of her ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

No, she's blocking the contact. She could have brought the daughter and insisted on staying. She'll probably continue to block visitation and refuse contact and demand more child support wanting the new wife's money as well.

If OP had insisted on staying you all would have had a field day! You would have said OP was a psycho wedding crasher who was jealous of her ex.

No, I said she should have stayed - she could have waited in the lobby or where ever close by. It was an hour. She could have made it work. There is clearly more to this story and she is being really difficult. They probably did it at that time as that was when it was affordable or when family was in town. If it was last Tuesday people may have taken the week off for the 4th or used yesterday as a travel day. OP was selfish and angry ex husband is marrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave my three year old with an unfamiliar caretaker at an unfamiliar noisy, large event. Kids often get upset in situations like that and a 3yo at a wedding is a handful under the best of circumstances.

Also - brides mother will be busy and probably not that attentive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

She is not mad. She is worried about her child's well-being. At a week-day night reception, after daughter's bedtime, where she doesn't know MIL#4 who will be supposed to watch DD while MIL#4 will more than likely prefer... you know, being at the reception and celebrating her daughter's wedding. But I guess a 3 year old who toddles off and drowns in the garden pond or just walks off because nobody really wants to be responsible for her is not a big deal, as long as the wedding pictures have been taken earlier and PP has bent over backwards for xH's requests.

Goodness, I was 5 when my father remarried and he actually made sure that the wedding was suitable for a 5 year old... Friday afternoon/evening wedding, I was invited to the ceremony as well as the reception, he invited a friend of mine so I wasn't alone and then friend's parents picked us up after dinner and I spent the night with them. There are options how to include young children into weddings. What PP's xH has organised it not one.

OP could have asked to stay or speak with grandma to make sure she was ok watching the child. Or, send a babysitter if they have one.

You do realize grandma was really the new bride’s mom and had never met the child before. I can just imagine HER post on DCUM:

I couldn’t even enjoy my own DD’s wedding day because my new son in law’s crazy ex wanted to speak with me. I don’t know why she thought I should watch the child. I’ll do plenty of babysitting in about 8 months when the new baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

No, she's blocking the contact. She could have brought the daughter and insisted on staying. She'll probably continue to block visitation and refuse contact and demand more child support wanting the new wife's money as well.

If OP had insisted on staying you all would have had a field day! You would have said OP was a psycho wedding crasher who was jealous of her ex.

No, I said she should have stayed - she could have waited in the lobby or where ever close by. It was an hour. She could have made it work. There is clearly more to this story and she is being really difficult. They probably did it at that time as that was when it was affordable or when family was in town. If it was last Tuesday people may have taken the week off for the 4th or used yesterday as a travel day. OP was selfish and angry ex husband is marrying.

Hi, new bride!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

No, she's blocking the contact. She could have brought the daughter and insisted on staying. She'll probably continue to block visitation and refuse contact and demand more child support wanting the new wife's money as well.

If OP had insisted on staying you all would have had a field day! You would have said OP was a psycho wedding crasher who was jealous of her ex.

No, I said she should have stayed - she could have waited in the lobby or where ever close by. It was an hour. She could have made it work. There is clearly more to this story and she is being really difficult. They probably did it at that time as that was when it was affordable or when family was in town. If it was last Tuesday people may have taken the week off for the 4th or used yesterday as a travel day. OP was selfish and angry ex husband is marrying.

LOL! The dad didn't even want his daughter in the wedding pictures. He just wanted her for show. Good that OP made the right call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad/daughter relationship stops, look inward as you are probably the cause.

If they don’t have a relationship, the only person to blame is her dad. He has already canceled his next scheduled visitation.

No, she's blocking the contact. She could have brought the daughter and insisted on staying. She'll probably continue to block visitation and refuse contact and demand more child support wanting the new wife's money as well.

Stop projecting.