How awful would it be if my DD didn't attend her dad's wedding?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask him what his childcare plans for her are during the event? If his response is that someone normal (a friend or relative that you know) will be watching her, hang out and take her home at 8:30. If his response is that he has no idea, say you think it won't work out unless he can arrange for someone to be responsible for her.


Should have included this in the OP... I did ask him about childcare plans and he said that the bride's mother would keep an eye on her. DD has never met the bride's mother.

I guess it depends on the kid, and whether you have reason to mistrust or question the ability of the bride's mother, then. My son would not have cared if he met the mother before, but he's pretty open to new people.

[Anonymous]

He must have some amount of visitation. Can’t you be charitable and switch days with him or something - and trust that as her dad who apparently has unsupervised visitation so he can’t be THAT horrible can arrange for her care? I get that you’re her mom, but he’s her dad and the new wife will be her stepmother, so it’s time to accept that for your DD’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why don't you ask him what his childcare plans for her are during the event? If his response is that someone normal (a friend or relative that you know) will be watching her, hang out and take her home at 8:30. If his response is that he has no idea, say you think it won't work out unless he can arrange for someone to be responsible for her.


Should have included this in the OP... I did ask him about childcare plans and he said that the bride's mother would keep an eye on her. DD has never met the bride's mother.

I guess it depends on the kid, and whether you have reason to mistrust or question the ability of the bride's mother, then. My son would not have cared if he met the mother before, but he's pretty open to new people.

During dad’s regular time he can have whomever watch her. This seems more about OP not wanting to make a small change to switch visitation.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why there is NO ONE who will know or have connections to your daughter *at her dads wedding.”

???

Presumably because it's wedding #4 and all the relatives excused themselves.

OP, I don't know why others are criticizing. I would never let my three year old attend in the situation you describe.

Neither would I.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on the kid, and whether you have reason to mistrust or question the ability of the bride's mother, then. My son would not have cared if he met the mother before, but he's pretty open to new people.


During dad’s regular time he can have whomever watch her. This seems more about OP not wanting to make a small change to switch visitation.

Where does it say he asked to switch visitation to have the child attend this wedding? Oh, that's right, it didn't!

[Anonymous]

Eh, doesn't sound like it is worth it for a three year old. Though, how often does he see her? How well does she know him? Is he a good father to her? You having full custody indicates that he is not a good dad and he doesn't see her a lot. Is she a fussy kid? how will she do around unknown people past her bedtime?

[Anonymous]

What is your investment in her not going? It seems like a pretty easy thing to accommodate. She may not be old enough to know the difference now, but in a few years when she is, she may looking at wedding photos wonder why she wasn’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I guess it depends on the kid, and whether you have reason to mistrust or question the ability of the bride's mother, then. My son would not have cared if he met the mother before, but he's pretty open to new people.


During dad’s regular time he can have whomever watch her. This seems more about OP not wanting to make a small change to switch visitation.

Where does it say he asked to switch visitation to have the child attend this wedding? Oh, that's right, it didn't!

This would be a complete nonissue if he hadn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Uh, he did make a childcare plan.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on the kid, and whether you have reason to mistrust or question the ability of the bride's mother, then. My son would not have cared if he met the mother before, but he's pretty open to new people.


During dad’s regular time he can have whomever watch her. This seems more about OP not wanting to make a small change to switch visitation.


Where does it say he asked to switch visitation to have the child attend this wedding? Oh, that's right, it didn't!


This would be a complete nonissue if he hadn’t.

I don't know what visitation arrangement others may have, but mine certainly doesn't involve me driving DS someplace where he will be with my ex for exactly an hour, and then having to drive him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why don't you ask him what his childcare plans for her are during the event? If his response is that someone normal (a friend or relative that you know) will be watching her, hang out and take her home at 8:30. If his response is that he has no idea, say you think it won't work out unless he can arrange for someone to be responsible for her.


Should have included this in the OP... I did ask him about childcare plans and he said that the bride's mother would keep an eye on her. DD has never met the bride's mother.

I guess it depends on the kid, and whether you have reason to mistrust or question the ability of the bride's mother, then. My son would not have cared if he met the mother before, but he's pretty open to new people.

During dad’s regular time he can have whomever watch her. This seems more about OP not wanting to make a small change to switch visitation.

Actually, I would have switched visitation. He declined because that would have meant that he was responsible for her all evening. He would rather that I drop off/pick up.

And I have no opinion of the bride or her mother. I haven't met them. They are probably fine people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

[Anonymous]

I would not leave my three year old with an unfamiliar caretaker at an unfamiliar noisy, large event. Kids often get upset in situations like that and a 3yo at a wedding is a handful under the best of circumstances.