Stepdaughter wants to move in full time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is this girl OP?

12

No 12 year old girl asks to live with her stepmom over her mom unless there is something really, really wrong occurring at mom's house. With certainty, there is more going on in that house than her not being allowed to leave her room.

Do the right thing OP.

The 12 year old is not seeing it as the stepmom's house. She is seeing it as the dad's house. If dad and stepmom decide to have the girl stay with them, does this mean they will have to go to court for full custody? What about child support mom is receiving from dad? She may not agree to the arrangement because if the daughter is living full time with dad, she may lose the monthly child support.

[Anonymous]

All four people need to meet and discuss this together. Why are people shitting on the OP when it's the new stepdad who is also the problem?

[Anonymous]

OP, you said that DH is all for her moving in. Have you told him your feelings about this? How did he react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All four people need to meet and discuss this together. Why are people shitting on the OP when it's the new stepdad who is also the problem?

Because OPs daughter is not asking to live with stepdad. She is asking to live with her real dad and his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All four people need to meet and discuss this together. Why are people shitting on the OP when it's the new stepdad who is also the problem?

Because OPs daughter is not asking to live with stepdad. She is asking to live with her real dad and his wife.

Yes, but the OP's daughter can't just willy nilly choose a parent without a valid reason.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so strange. OP says SD wants to move in b/c she doesn't feel comfortable at her mom's new house and everyone jumps to "the step dad is sexually abusing her." WTF?

First of all, the whole "move in full time" thing doesn't mean she won't ever be going back to mom's house. It just means they'll more likely switch to an every other weekend type of visitation schedule so it's not like she'll NEVER be in her mom's house again.

Second, mom has to agree to this or dad has to convince the courts that this is best for the child. If mom's getting child support, she may fight the change tooth and nail.

Third, you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

[Anonymous]

Has anyone spoken to her mother about this...to see if it's 100% true? You said you wondered if she might being a bit dramatic, so I think it's worth a phone call or even a house visit. I would even consider family counseling. These changes are a lot on a child and I think she's having a difficult time adjusting to the change...understandably so. Counseling can help her navigate through these rough waters and help find ways healthy ways to cope. But please...talk to her mom and get the WHOLE story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone spoken to her mother about this...to see if it's 100% true? You said you wondered if she might being a bit dramatic, so I think it's worth a phone call or even a house visit. I would even consider family counseling. These changes are a lot on a child and I think she's having a difficult time adjusting to the change...understandably so. Counseling can help her navigate through these rough waters and help find ways healthy ways to cope. But please...talk to her mom and get the WHOLE story.

Yes, surely the mom won't lie to cover up the abuse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your stepdaughter is being abused and you don’t want to protect her from that abuse? Wow.

Not only that, stepdads are high on the list of potential abusers of daughters. If she is not comfortable living with him, give her a safe place to go.

It’s not the stepdad she’s complaining about, it’s her mom.

She wants a home and to be wanted, you don’t want her around any more than her mother does. I’m sad for her.

[Anonymous]

I think you should say yes. However, this is going to be a long process. You all will have to go back to court. Child support may change. If mom contests it then there may be a problem. Mom may also get nasty real quick so be prepared for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All four people need to meet and discuss this together. Why are people shitting on the OP when it's the new stepdad who is also the problem?

Because OPs daughter is not asking to live with stepdad. She is asking to live with her real dad and his wife.

Yes, but the OP's daughter can't just willy nilly choose a parent without a valid reason.

Sure she can.

They are her parents.

Their only response should be "Yes, of course. We would love to have you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so strange. OP says SD wants to move in b/c she doesn't feel comfortable at her mom's new house and everyone jumps to "the step dad is sexually abusing her." WTF?

First of all, the whole "move in full time" thing doesn't mean she won't ever be going back to mom's house. It just means they'll more likely switch to an every other weekend type of visitation schedule so it's not like she'll NEVER be in her mom's house again.

Second, mom has to agree to this or dad has to convince the courts that this is best for the child. If mom's getting child support, she may fight the change tooth and nail.

Third, you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

You know what else is strange? Everything you said had previously been said by other posters upthread. But you act like you are the first to say them.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you told DH what you've told us? What was his reaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you told DH what you've told us? What was his reaction?

Crickets

[Anonymous]

PPs are right that it may be nothing except a dramatic teenaged girl. PPs are right that mom May Day no and fad may have to go to court. But if SD wants it and her dad/your DH wants it, *of course* you should not be the obstacle.