Stepdaughter wants to move in full time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl... She must feel unwanted in BOTH households.

The world doesn't revolve around someone just because they're a kid. They can't say 'Jump' and expect to be catered to. That is how the world works. The OP is not being mean or spiteful. That is her house, in her name and she gets to veto. It's not as if the girl isn't allowed at all in their house. She's already there for half the week.

I’m not even going to take the time to point out your stupidity.

I want to....

But I won’t go there.


If you don’t want to deal with kids then don’t marry someone who already has them. There are plenty of other options out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

If you knew anything about child development, you would know that the needs of an infant are different from a toddler, the needs of a preschooler are different than the needs of an elementary kid, the needs of an elementary kid are different from a middle schooler, the needs of a young teen or tween are different than the needs of a high schooler and the needs of a freshman or sophomore are different than the needs of a senior going off to college or a college student almost on their own.

Parenting changes and adapts as kids move through the normal phases of their lives.

Being a divorced family or a step family does not change this fact of life.

Adapt to the child's changing needs as they move through the natural phases of life, just as you would if she were your blood offspring growing up in an intact home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

You have a very disturbed view of moral obligations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

OP wants to believe that there’s no abuse at the other house because that is the most convenient thing for OP to believe. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement, namely, a man with a child who is responsible for that child and who is legally and ethically obligated to act in the best interests of his child, first and foremost. OP knowingly married this man with a family who, OP knew or should have known, would play an important, central role in this man's life. She pays and contributes towards her house, not that this is relevant in any way, shape or form. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a random teen off the street at any time, of course, but on the other hand, she is definitely obligated to live with her husband's daughter full time due to some conflict at her other home, because that is what responsible adults do when their children, step- or otherwise, are in distress.

^^^ fixed that for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

I am shocked by reading some of the responses on this thread, however, as stated earlier DCUM does not side with the step parent often. I am a step parent of 2 girls who my husband has had full custody of since we have been together. There have been plenty of times when the girls disagreed with a rule, did not like the expectations of the house, saw mom's house as more "fun", etc. They are children, there are many reasons that the OP's step daughter wants to leave her mother's home. I would suggest getting a therapist involved now to assist both individually for the child and for the entire blended family.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Agree talking with a therapist should be the first move to support DD and if mom fights a change in custody, the dad will likely need findings from the therapist to support his petition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl... She must feel unwanted in BOTH households.

The world doesn't revolve around someone just because they're a kid. They can't say 'Jump' and expect to be catered to. That is how the world works. The OP is not being mean or spiteful. That is her house, in her name and she gets to veto. It's not as if the girl isn't allowed at all in their house. She's already there for half the week.

You are either op, who wants to dump her step daughter or you grew up in a very screwed up situation. Tell us about yourself. I'm sure there is some interesting baggage to unpack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40's. I have never forgotten being rejected by my Dad & Step Mom, when I expressed the need to escape from the unhealthy living environment with my mom. One of the alternative options I explored at the time was suicide.

That's a big extreme. Why didn't you use coping skills?
You are being dramatic to make your point to OP. You sound dramatic IRL.

NP here. PP you are a very sick person. Very sick. I think I can pick out your posts through this thread. Get therapy and I hope to heaven you don't have children.

Pop quiz here. What were the common words used to describe the young women who were abused by Dr. Nassar and spoke up about it?

[Anonymous]

If I were you OP, set the boundaries for what you wont be paying for or doing in your house. The girl is going to be eating your food and probably treating you like the maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were you OP, set the boundaries for what you wont be paying for or doing in your house. The girl is going to be eating your food and probably treating you like the maid.

This has to be a troll. No one is this big of an asshole in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

It is not "a teen".

It is her child.

[Anonymous]

Speaking of stepmoms, anyone know what happened to the stepmom complaining about her SD in NYC blowing through 50k a year on daddy's credit card? I'd love to see an update on that one. I was actually team step daughter on that one. And obviously on this thread too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

It is not "a teen".

It is her child.

Not her bio child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow some PPs are harsh. It’s OP’s house too. She takes the kid half the week, every week, and is for all reports (including the stepdaughter) a great (or at least decent) stepmom.

There’s no abuse at the other house. How do you know she’s not in her room because she can’t behave appropriately and is in a timeout.

OP married into a particular arrangement. She pays and contributes towards her house. She’s under no obligation (moral or otherwise) to take in a teen full time due to some conflict at her other home.

And in a few years the child may be demanding to move back when she doesn’t like the rules at OPs house.

It is not "a teen".

It is her child.

Not her bio child.

Doesn't matter - she's a child of the family that OP joined.

[Anonymous]

Dad should discuss with Mom. I would hesitate to believe that she is only allowed in her room. Maybe she was grounded? Are there behavior issues? Maybe she was told that she has to treat her mom and stepdad with respect or she can just stay in her room and she is choosing to stay in her room. Dad needs to talk to Mom.