Question for Women - Dating advice for 51 year old man.

[Anonymous]

OP - don't underestimate the power of being emotionally healthy and available, having a sense of humor, owning your sh*t, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, and being good in bed.

Chances are, if you are at that point, you are solvent, happy in your career, have good relationships with your kids and family (if you have kids) and are a decent guy who is fun to be around. I'm divorced, in my late 40's, in good shape, decent looking, love sex, and have checked most of my baggage. I definitely don't want to get involved with a guy who can't meet me where I am. That's pretty much true for most of my single friends. Otherwise we might as well date our ex-husbands!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will probably be attacked, but as a recently divorced, fit, sane, attractive, realistic 49 year old man, the idea of starting a serious relationship with a woman over the age of, say, 41 is simply laughable. It's a nonstarter.

As for OP-don't buy the hype that you're relegated to 54 year old cat ladies. Every single one of my buddies that have been divorced ended up with a younger, prettier woman. Without exception.

The whole 'creepy old man looking for teenage girl' crap is just that. Crap.

Oh, and my ex is 40.

Good for you -- but you obviously prefer younger women. And you end up single again. Big woo.

Oh, a little summer fun with someone that has a little cash. It's a win-win for a young girl. They then do home to their younger boyfriends.

City girls just seem to find out early.

How to open doors with just a smile?

[Anonymous]

Notice how all the women keep posting about being the men needing to be financially secure, large portfolio, established career, etc?

Those are the women you should steer clear of.

Those are women who would claim underemployed men or those wrecked financially by kids medical bills or caring for a dying spouse, etc. are unworthy of affection or love. I (43 year old man with multiple PG degrees) make 4 times what my little brother does back in Iowa. Am I 'better' than him?

Those women are gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notice how all the women keep posting about being the men needing to be financially secure, large portfolio, established career, etc?

Those are the women you should steer clear of.

Those are women who would claim underemployed men or those wrecked financially by kids medical bills or caring for a dying spouse, etc. are unworthy of affection or love. I (43 year old man with multiple PG degrees) make 4 times what my little brother does back in Iowa. Am I 'better' than him?

Those women are gross.

You should understand that they are countering the male posters that say that women are only valued in their youth. It's simply that . . . or maybe in the DCUM world, they are bringing the same thing to the table and want someone who is equally yoked. Are you stating that we should not seek similar qualities in a mate? Are you saying that a woman who is active, gorgeous, fit, 400k salary, well-known in her field, should find a man who has one quarter of the qualities that she has, attractive?

Underemployed men? Did you just use that term? Well, I am a WOC and I have a whole lot to say to you if you think that I should be attracted to an underemployed man. BTW, men are not judged on being simply underemployed, it is what he is doing to correct the situation, how he is working an extra job to pay those medical bills, and DARNIT, what is he doing dating if he has a dying spouse. Its a spouse. You aren't even making sense. So you condone cheating if the spouse is dying? Boy, that is counter to much of the stuff that I read here.

[Anonymous]

Keep telling yourself that, dude. Most men over 50 are balding and overweight, with serious erectile dysfunction problems.

And now we hear from the lonely, Battleworn spinster who tells herself she is too good for the men who never ask her out.

It is very likely the men only have erectile dysfuntion when they see her nude.

[Anonymous]

Are you stating that we should not seek similar qualities in a mate? Are you saying that a woman who is active, gorgeous, fit, 400k salary, well-known in her field, should find a man who has one quarter of the qualities that she has, attractive?

You want a supermodel! Make that happen, tell us all how you did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how all the women keep posting about being the men needing to be financially secure, large portfolio, established career, etc?

Those are the women you should steer clear of.

Those are women who would claim underemployed men or those wrecked financially by kids medical bills or caring for a dying spouse, etc. are unworthy of affection or love. I (43 year old man with multiple PG degrees) make 4 times what my little brother does back in Iowa. Am I 'better' than him?

Those women are gross.

You should understand that they are countering the male posters that say that women are only valued in their youth. It's simply that . . . or maybe in the DCUM world, they are bringing the same thing to the table and want someone who is equally yoked. Are you stating that we should not seek similar qualities in a mate? Are you saying that a woman who is active, gorgeous, fit, 400k salary, well-known in her field, should find a man who has one quarter of the qualities that she has, attractive?

Underemployed men? Did you just use that term? Well, I am a WOC and I have a whole lot to say to you if you think that I should be attracted to an underemployed man. BTW, men are not judged on being simply underemployed, it is what he is doing to correct the situation, how he is working an extra job to pay those medical bills, and DARNIT, what is he doing dating if he has a dying spouse. Its a spouse. You aren't even making sense. So you condone cheating if the spouse is dying? Boy, that is counter to much of the stuff that I read here.

Umm, not PP but I read that as his dying spouse's care zapped his savings. And now that she's gone for a year or so he's out dating again. Maybe work on your reading skills before spewing BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notice how all the women keep posting about being the men needing to be financially secure, large portfolio, established career, etc?

Those are the women you should steer clear of.

Those are women who would claim underemployed men or those wrecked financially by kids medical bills or caring for a dying spouse, etc. are unworthy of affection or love. I (43 year old man with multiple PG degrees) make 4 times what my little brother does back in Iowa. Am I 'better' than him?

Those women are gross.

NP. Agree that a woman *of any age* who is looking for a sugar daddy is gross and probably deeply in debt herself.

That said, some of us had first marriages to a guys with no work ethic and bad financial skills. I carried the financial and logistical weight in my family of four for 20 years when he left for his midlife crisis. To be fair, my Ex has ADD. He’s still out on the market in the DMV area, for some woman who wants to share her pension with him (he wants to retire at 56 but spent a lot of his savings hiring the most expensive divorce lawyer he could find and buying two new cars in the last 3 years).

As for me, I want somebody who is steady, reliable, a saver, loves to travel, and fun. A unicorn, maybe. I’m in good financial shape (including buying the house from my ex) and I don’t want to wreck this newfound stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notice how all the women keep posting about being the men needing to be financially secure, large portfolio, established career, etc?

Those are the women you should steer clear of.

Those are women who would claim underemployed men or those wrecked financially by kids medical bills or caring for a dying spouse, etc. are unworthy of affection or love. I (43 year old man with multiple PG degrees) make 4 times what my little brother does back in Iowa. Am I 'better' than him?

Those women are gross.

You should understand that they are countering the male posters that say that women are only valued in their youth. It's simply that . . . or maybe in the DCUM world, they are bringing the same thing to the table and want someone who is equally yoked. Are you stating that we should not seek similar qualities in a mate? Are you saying that a woman who is active, gorgeous, fit, 400k salary, well-known in her field, should find a man who has one quarter of the qualities that she has, attractive?

Underemployed men? Did you just use that term? Well, I am a WOC and I have a whole lot to say to you if you think that I should be attracted to an underemployed man. BTW, men are not judged on being simply underemployed, it is what he is doing to correct the situation, how he is working an extra job to pay those medical bills, and DARNIT, what is he doing dating if he has a dying spouse. Its a spouse. You aren't even making sense. So you condone cheating if the spouse is dying? Boy, that is counter to much of the stuff that I read here.

Umm, not PP but I read that as his dying spouse's care zapped his savings. And now that she's gone for a year or so he's out dating again. Maybe work on your reading skills before spewing BS.

Maybe you should work on your understanding of the language. And yes, he will be evaluated on his lack of savings, so he will need to up his "game" in other areas. Why do you think women should find men attractive that bring nothing to the relationship? Why? I guess ED is OK too, as long as he is sweet and nice.

[Anonymous]

OK, 50 YO man here. I would just like to state, for the record, that at no time in my life, at any age, has a woman ever asked me a financial question, let alone how much money I made, before she was already banging my lights out.

This money stuff is ridiculous. The thread is about how to get a date. A DATE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, 50 YO man here. I would just like to state, for the record, that at no time in my life, at any age, has a woman ever asked me a financial question, let alone how much money I made, before she was already banging my lights out.

This money stuff is ridiculous. The thread is about how to get a date. A DATE.

Normally, there are other indicators of how well off a man is other than his salary. And banging your lights out should not be the focus of getting a date. That's kinda gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, 50 YO man here. I would just like to state, for the record, that at no time in my life, at any age, has a woman ever asked me a financial question, let alone how much money I made, before she was already banging my lights out.

This money stuff is ridiculous. The thread is about how to get a date. A DATE.

Normally, there are other indicators of how well off a man is other than his salary. And banging your lights out should not be the focus of getting a date. That's kinda gross.

A lot of things should be. Look at things as they are. A woman’s bangworthiness is a measure of her worth to men up front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Despite what you read here, women expect a man of your age to have his finances in order. Take a picture wearing your most expensive outfit and be sure to include and fancy jewelry you might own. If you are well endowed, wear tight pants to show that off. Leaving your shirt unbuttoned so we can see if you have nice chest hair is also a plus. If you own a nice car or especially a boat then we need to know that too.
Basically seel yourself on why I should pick you over the 100s of options out there

Ugh! Any man wearing tight pants and flashy jewelry and showing chest hair, or any one of these three, would be passed up by every woman I know. All of those say classless neanderthal as far as I'm concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go ahead and approach any unmarried (look for a ring) woman (or women) you find attractive at work, the gym, church, the grocery store, the jogging path, a restaurant, and begin a conversation with them. It is good practice at socializing in any case, and if you find the conversation is going well, ask them for their number, or give them yours. Pretend you are in college again (in terms of attitude, not age group selection), and take a risk.

Ugh. Please don't do this. It's fine if you want to chat without an ulterior motive. But, when you do that and then try to trade up for my number, it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I am not out in the world on constant sexual or romantic display for your availability. Also, there is no way I am going to go out with some rando who approaches me on the street - that's dangerous.

I am the woman who made this suggestion to the OP, and I respectfully disagree with you. I personally find it flattering and sort of romantic, in an old-fashioned, throwback sort-of-way, when people still meet randomly, out-and-about, and just by luck or fate. If for some reason you see me, or know me a little bit, and you find me to be nice, intelligent, sweet, funny, attractive, or you just happen to like my smile - and therefore think that you might like to get to know me better - then please do politely and courteously approach and begin a conversation to see where it leads. It may indeed be a dead end, but I will be equally polite and courteous back to you whatever the case may be.

The previous poster appears to be a woman looking for normal, no mention of money.

[Anonymous]

And yes, he will be evaluated on his lack of savings, so he will need to up his "game" in other areas. Why do you think women should find men attractive that bring nothing to the relationship? Why?

And what do you bring other than an appreciation for his money?