Question for Women - Dating advice for 51 year old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Normally, there are other indicators of how well off a man is other than his salary. And banging your lights out should not be the focus of getting a date. That's kinda gross.

You're kidding, right? Dating = porking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m now ready to retire, and I’m in a good position financially because I saved (and
even XDH taking some of it in the divorce didn’t hurt me too much).

Do I really need a man with no savings and lots of debt? Do I want to say goodbye to my dreams of traveling because it’s going to be harder for two to live on savings for one?

If you’re effectively not on the market, don’t pretend to be on the market. Put in your profile “rich doctors only” if you’re even going to be on a dating site. You’re set for retirement and you don’t want to be bothered. Stay out the hair of the rest of us.

Way to project what I didn’t say.

All I want is for the guy to carry his own weight financially.

Which means “financially stable.” How hard is that to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’m still trying to figure out what entertainment costs no money. Are you meeting up at Smithsonians that are within walking distance and not purchasing any food? Because anything else has a transportation, food, and or entrance cost unless you are hanging at someone’s house with no food provided. Once I was post college if a guy tried to suggest a stay home and chill for date 2 or 3, I would say we weren’t compatible.

SPEND MONEY ON ME!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Didn’t think this would stick around as a topic. I found this very informative. Great advice. Thank you. I feel much better at my dating future. While divorce is a financial drain, I am coming out of it in decent shape with no long term obligations. I am in good shape, in the upper half of the room or better on the attractive side and I am not dick. That had to count for something. In addition to some of the specific advice, the main thing I am taking away from this is that I need to get comfortable with rejection and take a shot. While I personally don’t want to pursue someone that is clearly in their 20s, I am sure I will approach someone that turns out to be in their 30s. I guess at that point it is up to them. Thanks again for all the advice and I will keep reading.

Would love to hear back from OP if any of this advice helps. There was a post a few pages back with 9 different points that I thought was fairly accurate other than maybe the book reference (haven’t read it). I’m in a relationship so not doing the online dating however my friends in their mid-40’s have echoed almost verbatim the things about profile pictures, messaging that isn’t some in depth novel but doesn’t seem like a form email either, not texting for weeks on end without planning a meetup to see if there is chemistry and conversation, perception of the age range etc.

As for being comfortable with rejection and taking the shot - it is not going to work out with everyone you meet or message - more likely you hit it off with someone but she isn’t interested or she is interested in you but you aren’t feeling it. You don’t need everyone to fall for you (though that would be a great ego boost) you just need the one that you like to feel the same way about you and hopefully find out over time that you are compatible in the things important to each of you. That’s both the frustration of dating and the magic when it works out. Also keep your eye out for in person ways to meet new people. My friends have met their post-divorced significant other via get togethers with friends, thru co-workers, someone they’ve known for awhile, randomly at an airport when flight was delayed, as well as online dating. Online dating offers more opportunities to go out on dates but I would say out of 8 divorced friends, maybe 20-25% met the long term relationship that way even though almost all were using online dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think what you've hit upon is that older women have higher standards and are also ok with being alone.

Sorry, beta boys.

Enjoy Cat Lady Land

DP but top poster nails it. I hate cats but I’d choose one over an Incel loser like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And yes, he will be evaluated on his lack of savings, so he will need to up his "game" in other areas. Why do you think women should find men attractive that bring nothing to the relationship? Why?

And what do you bring other than an appreciation for his money?

You need to flip the script and ask who’s really the gold digger in some of these scenarios.

I’m a 50-something woman who worked full-time while raising two kids. I’m now ready to retire, and I’m in a good position financially because I saved (and
even XDH taking some of it in the divorce didn’t hurt me too much).

Do I really need a man with no savings and lots of debt? Do I want to say goodbye to my dreams of traveling because it’s going to be harder for two to live on savings for one? No. And that’s why I always swipe left when you say you’re “self employed” (euphemism for “laid off” unless there are other indications you actually work) or when you post a picture of your band that you say is your job.

Do you, in your 50s, really get a lot of responses from guys who say they're "in a band"? I can't imagine why some 20-something "musician" layabout would be interested in you.

[Anonymous]

You are entitled to experiment a bit,

Ah, written by a woman, worrying about what she’s entitled to, what she deserves, or what she is (defiantly) allowed to do, even though no one argues those points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m still trying to figure out what entertainment costs no money. Are you meeting up at Smithsonians that are within walking distance and not purchasing any food? Because anything else has a transportation, food, and or entrance cost unless you are hanging at someone’s house with no food provided. Once I was post college if a guy tried to suggest a stay home and chill for date 2 or 3, I would say we weren’t compatible.

SPEND MONEY ON ME!!!!!!!!!

Lol, yes some effort is required early on. I’m perfectly fine with meeting for coffee for a first meetup or even going to the zoo on a second date and him offering to buy lunch. But seeing as I can’t figure out how to spend $0 when going out by myself (short of the library or window shopping), and often with friends we spend money when we meet up, I don’t see how you can invite someone out on a date and spend $0.

I think one of the posters later clarified that by entertainment not costing money he/she meant it shouldn't cost more for a 51 year old to date than a guy in his late 20’s/30’s or it shouldn’t shift depending on the age of the woman like suddenly trips to Paris are expected if 25 years old but trips to Wegmans fine for the the 45 year old or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m now ready to retire, and I’m in a good position financially because I saved (and
even XDH taking some of it in the divorce didn’t hurt me too much).

Do I really need a man with no savings and lots of debt? Do I want to say goodbye to my dreams of traveling because it’s going to be harder for two to live on savings for one?

If you’re effectively not on the market, don’t pretend to be on the market. Put in your profile “rich doctors only” if you’re even going to be on a dating site. You’re set for retirement and you don’t want to be bothered. Stay out the hair of the rest of us.

Way to project what I didn’t say.

All I want is for the guy to carry his own weight financially.

Which means “financially stable.” How hard is that to understand?

If “financially stable” is statistically improbable the way you define it (millions in your 401K, a very possible DCUM female definition, or ownership of real estate left and right), then you should be on richdoctors.com, not OkCupid. How hard is that to understand?

[Anonymous]

Op - I am a 42 year old women who has been dating divorced guys for a couple years. (Only started being willing to date that demographic after I turned forty.)
Please consider the feelings of women you are dating and don't just use them for practice or to experiment as some have said you are entitled to do. There may be women who are fine with that, but many of us are dating because we want a serious LTR who someone who cares for us - not a fling with someone who wants to get over his divorce and get dating practice. Be upfront about what you want right now and communicate that to the women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m now ready to retire, and I’m in a good position financially because I saved (and
even XDH taking some of it in the divorce didn’t hurt me too much).

Do I really need a man with no savings and lots of debt? Do I want to say goodbye to my dreams of traveling because it’s going to be harder for two to live on savings for one?

If you’re effectively not on the market, don’t pretend to be on the market. Put in your profile “rich doctors only” if you’re even going to be on a dating site. You’re set for retirement and you don’t want to be bothered. Stay out the hair of the rest of us.

How is she effectively not on the market? Everyone has criteria for whom they are willing to date or be in a LTR with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I’m still trying to figure out what entertainment costs no money. Are you meeting up at Smithsonians that are within walking distance and not purchasing any food? Because anything else has a transportation, food, and or entrance cost unless you are hanging at someone’s house with no food provided. Once I was post college if a guy tried to suggest a stay home and chill for date 2 or 3, I would say we weren’t compatible.

SPEND MONEY ON ME!!!!!!!!!

Lol, yes some effort is required early on. I’m perfectly fine with meeting for coffee for a first meetup or even going to the zoo on a second date and him offering to buy lunch. But seeing as I can’t figure out how to spend $0 when going out by myself (short of the library or window shopping), and often with friends we spend money when we meet up, I don’t see how you can invite someone out on a date and spend $0.

I think one of the posters later clarified that by entertainment not costing money he/she meant it shouldn't cost more for a 51 year old to date than a guy in his late 20’s/30’s or it shouldn’t shift depending on the age of the woman like suddenly trips to Paris are expected if 25 years old but trips to Wegmans fine for the the 45 year old or vice versa.

You're being obtuse. Men spend money on dates all the time, but women bitch and complain that men don't spend enough on them or don't take them out to dinner.

How about YOU taking dates out for dinner or spend money on them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m now ready to retire, and I’m in a good position financially because I saved (and
even XDH taking some of it in the divorce didn’t hurt me too much).

Do I really need a man with no savings and lots of debt? Do I want to say goodbye to my dreams of traveling because it’s going to be harder for two to live on savings for one?

If you’re effectively not on the market, don’t pretend to be on the market. Put in your profile “rich doctors only” if you’re even going to be on a dating site. You’re set for retirement and you don’t want to be bothered. Stay out the hair of the rest of us.

How is she effectively not on the market? Everyone has criteria for whom they are willing to date or be in a LTR with.

And women’s criteria here are insane. If your intricate plan works for you, fine. But if your height, income, and other requirements exclude 96% of the men within an hour’s drive on Match, and if you’re unhappily single because you can’t find someone to meet your requirements, you’re effectively not on the market. (Also if you don’t make the time to date.)

“Everybody has criteria”. So do I, I demand Jennifer Lawrence! Hear me God? Jennifer Lawrence, no one else.


Crap. Having criteria isn’t sufficient. Maybe I should have expectations I can make happen instead.

[Anonymous]

I had a first date last night. Finances were a big topic of discussion. I picked up the bill for a rather expensive dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Keep telling yourself that, dude. Most men over 50 are balding and overweight, with serious erectile dysfunction problems.

We got more money, which you biologically crave.

Enjoy having the tables turned!

Do you know what “biological” means? There is no biological urge towards money. You’ve really showed your ass here.