Why is dating so hard once you hit 40?

[Anonymous]

Men are genetically programmed to seek young, healthy 20 something women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and last year I dated a guy who was 65. He looked like he was in his early to mid 50's but he was very upfront about being 65. He was absolutely wonderful in all ways imaginable. He was fun, smart, treated me well and was great in bed. I adored him but he broke it off saying that in 15 years he'd be 80 and I'd still be a young 58 and that would be a bad deal for me. I cried for like two days until I realized he was absolutely right. I'm now dating someone closer to my age and he is dating someone in her late 50's. We are still good friends but oh how I wish he was 15 years younger.

Here's the thing. The average marriage these days lasts 10 years. So you could marry your younger guy and STILL very easily wind up single again at 58. Hope it lasts longer but these days you never know.

Yeah, at least with the older guy, if he dies, he might leave you with some money.

Assuming he has money.

I know a 24yo Philippine woman who is married to a 64yo Fed mid level manager. All she has to do is f+=k him until he dies and she gets half his Fed pension for her remaining 50 years. Gotta love our government.

The fed could live another 40 years.

The average American male lifespan is around 75-80 years, so that's unlikely.

It's funny how the "men die younger" argument is often used to discourage women from getting into May-December relationships, but now that a possible benefit to the older man dying younger is presented, the argument gets inverted to "well he might live to 105."

[Anonymous]

I never understand these threads. I'm in my late forties and I am happily dating someone three years older than me, who is wonderful. I've had similar luck in the past, though no one I wanted to marry.

OP, reach out to everyone you know and let them know you're looking for a special person. Maybe it won't be right away, but they will introduce you to someone. I know it. Hang in there and don't settle.

In the meantime, take the time to work on yourself. First yourself and your kids. But also hit the gym, train for a marathon, take up a new hobby, travel, work on your career. Do yourself first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understand these threads. I'm in my late forties and I am happily dating someone three years older than me, who is wonderful. I've had similar luck in the past, though no one I wanted to marry.

OP, reach out to everyone you know and let them know you're looking for a special person. Maybe it won't be right away, but they will introduce you to someone. I know it. Hang in there and don't settle.

In the meantime, take the time to work on yourself. First yourself and your kids. But also hit the gym, train for a marathon, take up a new hobby, travel, work on your career. Do yourself first!

It sounds like you are doing everything right. After a certain age, you can't really just expect desirable men your age to throw themselves at you. You have to -- as you say -- work on yourself, and start taking some initiative.

[Anonymous]

After a certain age, you can't really just expect desirable men your age to throw themselves at you. You have to -- as you say -- work on yourself, and start taking some initiative.

I'm not sure how "working on yourself" is a useful concept here unless you need to lose weight or acquire a better disposition. But the rest is right, particularly initiative. Make something happen.

[Anonymous]

I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

I hate to break it to you, but.. not so great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for putting the seed in my head. I’m a 61 divorced with with no kids fed with a 70k FERS pension coming, 850k TSP, 700k FIGLI, plus Social Security. I can fly to the Philippines and find a hot nursing student from a poor family. Bring her back, get her teeth fixed, mary her, and have porn star sex twice a day. She can take care of me when I get old and when I die she gets it all. It’s a win win.

You don't want to marry her. Keep her here on a visa. That way the threat of having her deported will always keep the porn star sex coming.

You can't indefinitely keep a foreigner here on a visa, but I assume everyone on this forum is smart enough to know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

After a certain age, you can't really just expect desirable men your age to throw themselves at you. You have to -- as you say -- work on yourself, and start taking some initiative.

I'm not sure how "working on yourself" is a useful concept here unless you need to lose weight or acquire a better disposition. But the rest is right, particularly initiative. Make something happen.

Most people would benefit from one, or both, of these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for putting the seed in my head. I’m a 61 divorced with with no kids fed with a 70k FERS pension coming, 850k TSP, 700k FIGLI, plus Social Security. I can fly to the Philippines and find a hot nursing student from a poor family. Bring her back, get her teeth fixed, mary her, and have porn star sex twice a day. She can take care of me when I get old and when I die she gets it all. It’s a win win.

You don't want to marry her. Keep her here on a visa. That way the threat of having her deported will always keep the porn star sex coming.

You can't indefinitely keep a foreigner here on a visa, but I assume everyone on this forum is smart enough to know that.

LOL of course not. But the supply of hot young Filipinas is renewable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. The dating pool is much smaller.

2. 40-something men hope to attract younger women.

3. They hope those women don't have kids or other baggage.

4. You can still get pregnant.

5. You may be hot today, but for how much longer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 43 and last year I dated a guy who was 65. He looked like he was in his early to mid 50's but he was very upfront about being 65. He was absolutely wonderful in all ways imaginable. He was fun, smart, treated me well and was great in bed. I adored him but he broke it off saying that in 15 years he'd be 80 and I'd still be a young 58 and that would be a bad deal for me. I cried for like two days until I realized he was absolutely right. I'm now dating someone closer to my age and he is dating someone in her late 50's. We are still good friends but oh how I wish he was 15 years younger.

Here's the thing. The average marriage these days lasts 10 years. So you could marry your younger guy and STILL very easily wind up single again at 58. Hope it lasts longer but these days you never know.

Yeah, at least with the older guy, if he dies, he might leave you with some money.

Assuming he has money.

I know a 24yo Philippine woman who is married to a 64yo Fed mid level manager. All she has to do is f+=k him until he dies and she gets half his Fed pension for her remaining 50 years. Gotta love our government.

Not just half his pension but 100 percent of his TSP, his FELGI life insurance, plus she can file for his Social Security when she gets to be retirement age. Viagra may be a greater inter-generational wealth leveler than the estate tax.

I know a similar Fed who is a little older. His idiot wife divorced him, managed to get just about nothing, and then a few years later he met and married a 40yo Filippina (she looks 25).

Sounds exactly like what I'm looking for. Thank god I have a federal pension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

I hate to break it to you, but.. not so great.

Divorced guy: you’ll be just fine. Early 40s is great age to be starting over for a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

I hate to break it to you, but.. not so great.

Divorced guy: you’ll be just fine. Early 40s is great age to be starting over for a woman.

Can you elaborate? I'm 41 but no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

I hate to break it to you, but.. not so great.

Divorced guy: you’ll be just fine. Early 40s is great age to be starting over for a woman.

Can you elaborate? I'm 41 but no kids.

You're expected to be so desperate you'll put out easily, and not interested in children so men don't have to worry about you nagging them for babies.