Why is dating so hard once you hit 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

I hate to break it to you, but.. not so great.

Divorced guy: you’ll be just fine. Early 40s is great age to be starting over for a woman.

Can you elaborate? I'm 41 but no kids.

You're expected to be so desperate you'll put out easily, and not interested in children so men don't have to worry about you nagging them for babies.

Um, you are the one who sounds pretty lame. All I imagine is a woman in her 20s drooling away after writing potshots like these on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're expected to be so desperate you'll put out easily, and not interested in children so men don't have to worry about you nagging them for babies.

So true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Um, you are the one who sounds pretty lame. All I imagine is a woman in her 20s drooling away after writing potshots like these on DCUM.

Truth hurts. Can't argue with biology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look good for my age (40) have 3 kids under 9 (split custody with Ex), and have a successful career. How are my prospects out there?

I hate to break it to you, but.. not so great.

Divorced guy: you’ll be just fine. Early 40s is great age to be starting over for a woman.

Can you elaborate? I'm 41 but no kids.

You're expected to be so desperate you'll put out easily, and not interested in children so men don't have to worry about you nagging them for babies.

Um, you are the one who sounds pretty lame. All I imagine is a woman in her 20s drooling away after writing potshots like these on DCUM.

NP. Don’t worry about it. She too will be 40 someday and probably single. Only lame boyfriendless 20s would be on DCUM anyway.

[Anonymous]

You're expected to be so desperate you'll put out easily, and not interested in children so men don't have to worry about you nagging them for babies

You're expected to be interested in having sex in an exclusive dating situation. The guy just divorced someone who didn't want to have sex, and he'll be looking for someone who does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Um, you are the one who sounds pretty lame. All I imagine is a woman in her 20s drooling away after writing potshots like these on DCUM.

Truth hurts. Can't argue with biology.

Some people on this site could benefit from working on a strong sense of self. The world would be a better place.

[Anonymous]

I’m 45 and I find it very hard to find someone for an LTR. I’m busy raising my kids, doing things I enjoy, and living my life. I’d love to have someone to talk to at the end of the day, go to an event with me, and yes, have sex with. But not at the expense of my kids.

They don’t need or want another father. They have one. I don’t want to be a step mom. I’ll assume that your kids already have a mom.

If you haven’t been married by your late 40s, I have to wonder why. I dated a great guy who cared for his physically disabled parents until they both passed away. That’s a good reason. But he was looking to get married. We stopped seeing each other last March but are still FB friends. He was engaged by Oct. I’m happy for him; he got what he wanted.

I don’t need or want your money but I do need you to be able to hold your own. If you got screwed in your divorce and have little to no money for things like going out to dinner, the theater, or a vacation, that’s not going to work. I don’t expect you to pay for me, but I also don’t expect to have to pay for you.

I don’t want to be responsible for you. If your house isn’t tidy, I’m not interested. If you cheated on your wife, I’m not interested. Yes I’m sure it was all her fault, she stopped having sex with you—you had no choice. But I’m not interested. If you can’t cobble together basic cooking skills and come up with boiled pasta and frozen garlic bread, I’m not interested.

So I guess I’m pretty picky which is why finding an LTR seems difficult. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the morals, values, ethics, and religion. And then of course, the physical chemistry. But honestly, if you can meet my criteria of being a grown man capable of functioning independently,
I’m sure the chemistry will be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and I find it very hard to find someone for an LTR. I’m busy raising my kids, doing things I enjoy, and living my life. I’d love to have someone to talk to at the end of the day, go to an event with me, and yes, have sex with. But not at the expense of my kids.

They don’t need or want another father. They have one. I don’t want to be a step mom. I’ll assume that your kids already have a mom.

If you haven’t been married by your late 40s, I have to wonder why. I dated a great guy who cared for his physically disabled parents until they both passed away. That’s a good reason. But he was looking to get married. We stopped seeing each other last March but are still FB friends. He was engaged by Oct. I’m happy for him; he got what he wanted.

I don’t need or want your money but I do need you to be able to hold your own. If you got screwed in your divorce and have little to no money for things like going out to dinner, the theater, or a vacation, that’s not going to work. I don’t expect you to pay for me, but I also don’t expect to have to pay for you.

I don’t want to be responsible for you. If your house isn’t tidy, I’m not interested. If you cheated on your wife, I’m not interested. Yes I’m sure it was all her fault, she stopped having sex with you—you had no choice. But I’m not interested. If you can’t cobble together basic cooking skills and come up with boiled pasta and frozen garlic bread, I’m not interested.

So I guess I’m pretty picky which is why finding an LTR seems difficult. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the morals, values, ethics, and religion. And then of course, the physical chemistry. But honestly, if you can meet my criteria of being a grown man capable of functioning independently,
I’m sure the chemistry will be there.

You certainly have every right to your criteria, but this does not sound welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and I find it very hard to find someone for an LTR. I’m busy raising my kids, doing things I enjoy, and living my life. I’d love to have someone to talk to at the end of the day, go to an event with me, and yes, have sex with. But not at the expense of my kids.

They don’t need or want another father. They have one. I don’t want to be a step mom. I’ll assume that your kids already have a mom.

If you haven’t been married by your late 40s, I have to wonder why. I dated a great guy who cared for his physically disabled parents until they both passed away. That’s a good reason. But he was looking to get married. We stopped seeing each other last March but are still FB friends. He was engaged by Oct. I’m happy for him; he got what he wanted.

I don’t need or want your money but I do need you to be able to hold your own. If you got screwed in your divorce and have little to no money for things like going out to dinner, the theater, or a vacation, that’s not going to work. I don’t expect you to pay for me, but I also don’t expect to have to pay for you.

I don’t want to be responsible for you. If your house isn’t tidy, I’m not interested. If you cheated on your wife, I’m not interested. Yes I’m sure it was all her fault, she stopped having sex with you—you had no choice. But I’m not interested. If you can’t cobble together basic cooking skills and come up with boiled pasta and frozen garlic bread, I’m not interested.

So I guess I’m pretty picky which is why finding an LTR seems difficult. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the morals, values, ethics, and religion. And then of course, the physical chemistry. But honestly, if you can meet my criteria of being a grown man capable of functioning independently,
I’m sure the chemistry will be there.

You certainly have every right to your criteria, but this does not sound welcoming.

NP divorced guy: It may not be ‘welcoming’ but it’s refreshingly realistic . I have similar outlook on LTR and kids and no desire for blended family etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and I find it very hard to find someone for an LTR. I’m busy raising my kids, doing things I enjoy, and living my life. I’d love to have someone to talk to at the end of the day, go to an event with me, and yes, have sex with. But not at the expense of my kids.

They don’t need or want another father. They have one. I don’t want to be a step mom. I’ll assume that your kids already have a mom.

If you haven’t been married by your late 40s, I have to wonder why. I dated a great guy who cared for his physically disabled parents until they both passed away. That’s a good reason. But he was looking to get married. We stopped seeing each other last March but are still FB friends. He was engaged by Oct. I’m happy for him; he got what he wanted.

I don’t need or want your money but I do need you to be able to hold your own. If you got screwed in your divorce and have little to no money for things like going out to dinner, the theater, or a vacation, that’s not going to work. I don’t expect you to pay for me, but I also don’t expect to have to pay for you.

I don’t want to be responsible for you. If your house isn’t tidy, I’m not interested. If you cheated on your wife, I’m not interested. Yes I’m sure it was all her fault, she stopped having sex with you—you had no choice. But I’m not interested. If you can’t cobble together basic cooking skills and come up with boiled pasta and frozen garlic bread, I’m not interested.

So I guess I’m pretty picky which is why finding an LTR seems difficult. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the morals, values, ethics, and religion. And then of course, the physical chemistry. But honestly, if you can meet my criteria of being a grown man capable of functioning independently,
I’m sure the chemistry will be there.

You certainly have every right to your criteria, but this does not sound welcoming.

What is unwelcoming about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What is unwelcoming about this?

You are utterly detached from reality.

Men age like fine wine while women age like milk, yet women, get this, become even pickier as they age. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and I find it very hard to find someone for an LTR. I’m busy raising my kids.

Good. Trust me, successful men with options won't be looking for a LTR with you, either.

[Anonymous]

Morals, values, ethics, physical chemistry, and an ability to cook, who is willing to operate around your busy schedule. Sounds quite difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 45 and I find it very hard to find someone for an LTR. I’m busy raising my kids, doing things I enjoy, and living my life. I’d love to have someone to talk to at the end of the day, go to an event with me, and yes, have sex with. But not at the expense of my kids.

They don’t need or want another father. They have one. I don’t want to be a step mom. I’ll assume that your kids already have a mom.

If you haven’t been married by your late 40s, I have to wonder why. I dated a great guy who cared for his physically disabled parents until they both passed away. That’s a good reason. But he was looking to get married. We stopped seeing each other last March but are still FB friends. He was engaged by Oct. I’m happy for him; he got what he wanted.

I don’t need or want your money but I do need you to be able to hold your own. If you got screwed in your divorce and have little to no money for things like going out to dinner, the theater, or a vacation, that’s not going to work. I don’t expect you to pay for me, but I also don’t expect to have to pay for you.

I don’t want to be responsible for you. If your house isn’t tidy, I’m not interested. If you cheated on your wife, I’m not interested. Yes I’m sure it was all her fault, she stopped having sex with you—you had no choice. But I’m not interested. If you can’t cobble together basic cooking skills and come up with boiled pasta and frozen garlic bread, I’m not interested.

So I guess I’m pretty picky which is why finding an LTR seems difficult. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the morals, values, ethics, and religion. And then of course, the physical chemistry. But honestly, if you can meet my criteria of being a grown man capable of functioning independently,
I’m sure the chemistry will be there.

You certainly have every right to your criteria, but this does not sound welcoming.

What is unwelcoming about this?

PP here:

Sorry, it just comes across as a bit of a grocery list. I'm not saying you don't have the right to be picky, but if a past-his-prime man (let's be honest), with kids, posted an extensive list of things that would immediately disqualify any women from his affections, you'd probably find it to be a bit off-putting. But, hey, good luck finding a guy who fills all of your criteria -- and wants to be with you in an LTR.

[Anonymous]

OP of the grocery list here— Ill give you that I have a list of requirements. I would never post a profile like that or rattle my criteria off on a date. But Im pretty good at weeding out guys that Im not interested in with a date or 2. On an anon forum, I’m happy to list them out.

Now this is a serious question— are any of my requirements that picky? Am I really asking for too much?