Multi-generation Princeton double-legacy. DC doesn't want to go there...help

[Anonymous]

Mommy and Daddy, time to step back. You have pretty much no idea what Princeton is like right now (your favorite professors mostly moved on by now, or are old, for starters), and you clearly seem tone deaf on the kinds of social experiences that might actually appeal to your child. My son would break out in hives if I even thought the words "navigate his social life".Mommy and Daddy, time to step back. You have pretty much no idea what Princeton is like right now (your favorite professors mostly moved on by now, or are old, for starters), and you clearly seem tone deaf on the kinds of social experiences that might actually appeal to your child. My son would break out in hives if I even thought the words "navigate his social life".

[Anonymous]

Mommy and Daddy, time to step back. You have pretty much no idea what Princeton is like right now (your favorite professors mostly moved on by now, or are old, for starters), and you clearly seem tone deaf on the kinds of social experiences that might actually appeal to your child. My son would break out in hives if I even thought the words "navigate his social life".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mommy and Daddy, time to step back. You have pretty much no idea what Princeton is like right now (your favorite professors mostly moved on by now, or are old, for starters), and you clearly seem tone deaf on the kinds of social experiences that might actually appeal to your child. My son would break out in hives if I even thought the words "navigate his social life".Mommy and Daddy, time to step back. You have pretty much no idea what Princeton is like right now (your favorite professors mostly moved on by now, or are old, for starters), and you clearly seem tone deaf on the kinds of social experiences that might actually appeal to your child. My son would break out in hives if I even thought the words "navigate his social life".

oops, sorry.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is too dumb to know how privileged he is to have the opportunity to go to Princeton and is turning his nose up about it, he belongs at UMD or CNU instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It seems like my deal would be
1. Apply to Princeton and anywhere else that you want but go wherever you want.
2. Not discuss college at all for the next 4-5 months.

If he finds a better school (for him) that he gets into then you will need to let him go. But if you are right and Princeton is his ticket, you should let the schools tell him that. He sounds smart and disciplined. If your family stops making this into melodrama I suspect he will choose the right path.

OP, I went to Princeton. I hated it so much I transferred to another, equally prestigious school (and perhaps more so in my chosen major). Two of my three freshman roommates also hated it and spent 4 miserable years. They told me they wished they'd had the guts to transfer. There really are better schools for some people and no school is the end all be all. But this isn't about Princeton in particular -- at my new school I was thrilled but saw people who also would have been happier elsewhere, but who went because it was the most prestigious school they got into.

If your son is this adamant he may just be contrary, but he is probably also be telling you he may need a different path. Give him a chance to do it reasonably.

NP. I'm genuinely curious, why did you hate Princeton?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It seems like my deal would be
1. Apply to Princeton and anywhere else that you want but go wherever you want.
2. Not discuss college at all for the next 4-5 months.

This makes complete sense to me. Princeton may not even admit him—multiple generations of grads (and I’m one for a different Ivy) doesn’t give the same admissions boost as one parent who made a major donation. Meanwhile he chooses all the other schools and makes the final choice.

There was another thread on here recently by a kid whose parents were making him/her apply to some college s/he didn’t want. In the end, it’s the student’s four years, not yours.

Where does he want to go instead? Some other Ivy? As long as it’s not Full Sail University, or somewhere really beneath his abilities, it’s hard to make a compelling argument for a single college. I know a girl whose parents both went to Duke and they’re furious at her for going to a top Ivy instead. My XDH announced his refusal to pay for DC’s top Ivy a month after DC got in ED (he said he “doesn’t believe in Ivies) but he also said he’d be willing pay $55,000 for an out-of-state public like Berkeley, UCLA or Michigan instead (shame he didn’t mention his antipathy when he came along on the college tour, or when she was putting together her ED application, which he absolutely knew about). OP, can you see how ridiculous these things can look to an outsider?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds, op, like both your son and you know - or at least strongly believe - that he will otherwise get into Harvard, Stanford, or Yale

OP just said the opposite.

Read between the lines. Actually, let me break it down for you.

If op's son is admitted to Harvard, Stanford, and/or Yale, then he would prefer to attend one of those universities over Princeton as a legacy.

However, if op's son is not admitted to Harvard, Stanford, and/or Yale, then he would prefer to attend Princeton as a legacy than any lesser university.

Clearly op and her son do believe that he will be admitted to Harvard, Stanford, and/or Yale, otherwise they would not gamble with a particularly historied legacy of admission to Princeton.

I am the OP.

He is qualified for HYS, but he doesn't have the legacy advantage that he has at Princeton. So at HYS he would be facing more or less the same long odds that all other high-stats, non-prodigy, prep-school kids face.
As of now he wants to apply to Yale early, Harvard and Stanford RD. He is also thinking of doing Penn, Columbia, Dartmouth RD and the rest will be safeties and matches. I imagine that if he did not get into HYS, he eventually would want to go for Princeton as opposed to a non-HYP ivy. At least I hope. Not attending Princeton is bad enough in our family, attending a lower ivy would drive the in-laws and DH completely insane. Plus the teasing from cousins, uncles etc will be insufferable. I know this sounds ridiculous to most people but this is my family. My side of the family are quite more relaxed about these things. DH's side of the family is a whole different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It seems like my deal would be
1. Apply to Princeton and anywhere else that you want but go wherever you want.
2. Not discuss college at all for the next 4-5 months.

If he finds a better school (for him) that he gets into then you will need to let him go. But if you are right and Princeton is his ticket, you should let the schools tell him that. He sounds smart and disciplined. If your family stops making this into melodrama I suspect he will choose the right path.

OP, I went to Princeton. I hated it so much I transferred to another, equally prestigious school (and perhaps more so in my chosen major). Two of my three freshman roommates also hated it and spent 4 miserable years. They told me they wished they'd had the guts to transfer. There really are better schools for some people and no school is the end all be all. But this isn't about Princeton in particular -- at my new school I was thrilled but saw people who also would have been happier elsewhere, but who went because it was the most prestigious school they got into.

If your son is this adamant he may just be contrary, but he is probably also be telling you he may need a different path. Give him a chance to do it reasonably.

OP here. Thank you this makes a lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

Poor kid. Why make him apply if he doesn't want to go? It's disingenuous. What if he gets in - are yall going to guilt him into attending?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.

Hope it wasn't for English.

I thought this too. Not impressed with Princeton.

[Anonymous]

And people wonder why kids from these types of families turn out messed up...smdh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.

Hope it wasn't for English.

I thought this too. Not impressed with Princeton.

You are a sad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.

Hope it wasn't for English.

I thought this too. Not impressed with Princeton.

Yes act like you are not the same pathetic person making the same stupid comment 500 times. Is your life that sad?! I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely get where you're coming from. In my side of the family, almost everyone went to Harvard, including myself. My son applied to college nearly a decade ago and wanted nothing to do with Harvard. In fact, he applied ED to a top liberal arts college. I was furious then because it felt stupid to pick a LAC for a near guaranteed acceptance to Harvard. I even had my sister try to convince him to let go, but he wasn't swayed.

He ended up having a terrific experience, better in many ways than my own. Every year I visited him, I was in awe of what a special place it was. Sure, in the process I had to endure much ridicule from my side of the family. That it was stupid to not step in and propel him towards the better path. Nothing I could say would sway them, and no anecdote I could offer would justify what happened. At some point, I just decided that I had to be proud of my son for being able to think for himself because I knew firsthand he picked his best choice. I had to step away from the toxicity in order to ensure that he could receive the best possible experience.

After graduation, he landed a job with a top consulting firm popular among Harvard undergrads and eventually received his MBA from Stanford School of Business. He still believes his time at the LAC was the best time of his life and would not exchange it for anything. No one says anything negative anymore about the journey that he took. If anything, it has inspired many on our side about the possibility of similarly outstanding colleges and the importance of fit.

Believe in his choices. You and your husband are his closest links, not your relatives. He needs your support more than anyone else's.

[Anonymous]

I am familiar with families like yours so I get your issue. DS went to Andover. He had a friend there who went on to be a 9th generation Yale student and was also a 9th generation Andover student. For that family the path was clear and utterly rigid. First Andover, then Yale. No deviation was even entertained as a thought, let alone tolerated.

Imho it puts unnecessary pressure on the children. They should be free to make their own path and not be constrained by family tradition.