Multi-generation Princeton double-legacy. DC doesn't want to go there...help

[Anonymous]

More so than most other schools, Princeton appeals to a certain type of kid (notwithstanding the increasing racial/economic diversity). If that type of environment (idyllic setting, academically intense, somewhat insular, and obsessed with tradition) doesn't appeal to you, you'd be miserable there. Why deny a place there to a student who'd love to be there if other schools would appeal more to your kid? I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Be proud that you raised a person who can think for himself and doesn't do what's expected of him just because of tradition.

He will be fine if he doesn't go to Princeton. Such a legacy comes with generational wealth and privilege. Going elsewhere won't squander it.

[Anonymous]

Where does he want to go? And does he have a good back-up plan if he doesn’t get in to his first choice? If his first choice is some place you respect and he has a realistic alternative, he gets to decide.

What’s at stake here isn’t where your son goes to college, but what kind of relationship you have with him during and after college. Remind your husband of that and tell your FIL to butt out.

Honestly, there’s not much up-side to Princeton for your kid. If he does get in, he feels like he didn’t earn it — just rode in on your families’ coattails. And then you have four more years of him competing with parents/ancestors (or their legends of their undergrad experience). If he doesn’t get in, he feels like a failure and a disappointment to you. Couldn’t make it even with a big edge.

If he goes his own way, he can take pride in his accomplishments and responsibility for his mistakes. That’s a good way to start adulthood.

FWIW, BTDT (but just legacy — not tradition) and followed my own advice. DC is really happy at HER first choice college and it’s fun to visit and explore and let her show us things.

[Anonymous]

When I was in high school, a friend was in a similar position and came to an agreement with her family that she could apply to other schools, but she had to include Sacred Family Legacy college as well. It put off the decision (and the pressure) long enough that she was actually able to evaluate SFL college objectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His profile does not guarantee him acceptance. Sorry. HYPS are inundated with legacies trying to get in and not enough room to take all of them.

I am the OP. I don't mean to brag but his profile and our legacy status definitely guarantees him acceptance. His grades and scores are excellent. All legacies are not viewed the same way. We have had extended family members with less impressive scores/GPAs/ECs get in over the past few years.

Thanks for the sound advice everyone. I obviously do not want him to resent us later on, which could happen if we force him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like an episode of the Gilmore Girls.

Lol right?! you would think this kind of families don't really exist, but I guess they do. I bet the husband has a numeral after his last name.

OP: I agree with above, this is nuts. You guys are not the royal family, choosing not to go to Princeton is not like abdicating the throne or something.

+1000

This! It is 2017 for gods sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His profile does not guarantee him acceptance. Sorry. HYPS are inundated with legacies trying to get in and not enough room to take all of them.

I am the OP. I don't mean to brag but his profile and our legacy status definitely guarantees him acceptance. His grades and scores are excellent. All legacies are not viewed the same way. We have had extended family members with less impressive scores/GPAs/ECs get in over the past few years.

Thanks for the sound advice everyone. I obviously do not want him to resent us later on, which could happen if we force him.

Just lay off and feel secure in the knowledge that Rory did pick Yale after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's only a junior, let it sit for now. Tell DH he has to cool it or jr will keep digging in his heels. Do NOT bring up college at all for the next several weeks. Let him do some exploring and let him feel like he has some control over his own life. After the new year, ask him which schools he would like to visit. In an ideal world he will choose Princeton but he might not. There's also always graduate school.

lol, it's Princeton. also, legacy status means nada in grad-law-med school admissions.

OP, it's standard teen rebellion. pushing boundaries, wants to feel in control. THAT SAID, if your kid is too dull to appreciate what Princeton means by senior year, probably not going to get much out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His profile does not guarantee him acceptance. Sorry. HYPS are inundated with legacies trying to get in and not enough room to take all of them.

I am the OP. I don't mean to brag but his profile and our legacy status definitely guarantees him acceptance. His grades and scores are excellent. All legacies are not viewed the same way. We have had extended family members with less impressive scores/GPAs/ECs get in over the past few years.

Thanks for the sound advice everyone. I obviously do not want him to resent us later on, which could happen if we force him.

Just lay off and feel secure in the knowledge that Rory did pick Yale after all.

Exactly my thoughts. But, honestly did she ever really seem happy there or fit in other than at the paper?? It's like she had four friends the entire college experience and now...look at her now!!!

[Anonymous]

I am sorry but this made me laugh so hard. If this isn't a problem of the of 0.00001%, I don't know what is.

[Anonymous]

I had a pretty smart buddy in college whose dad was BEGGING him to take over his business, which was making a mint. Buddy refused, wanted to 'do his own thing.' Dad retired, company folded, college buddy is currently a middle class schmuck who b*tches on facebook every other day.

[Anonymous]

Has your family given significant money? If not, then the legacy status will give only a slight boost. DC was a legacy at Harvard and at Yale. Had perfect scores but didn't get in.

[Anonymous]

back off, OP. seriously. and tell family to back off too. you will only hurt your case. he wants to make his own decision - that's a good thing.

when the time comes to do college visits, add it to the list of places you think he ought to check out, just see what he thinks. he might like it. don't worry about it if he says no.

try again closer to application time, after months of NO PRESSURE WHATSOEVER. point out that he can use one of the best schools in the country as basically a safety school and he might as well put it on his application list. there is no downside to applying.

if he's as bright as you say, he'll get in somewhere decent. he'll be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

OP might have to take the 16 tiger stickers off her bumper, though. Now that's tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your family given significant money? If not, then the legacy status will give only a slight boost. DC was a legacy at Harvard and at Yale. Had perfect scores but didn't get in.

Not the OP, but did your DC have 5-6 generations of HY legacy or however many OP has? There is a big difference there. But yeah I am also curious, OP have you donated significantly to Princeton over the centuries you have been affiliated with the school? (lol...)