Multi-generation Princeton double-legacy. DC doesn't want to go there...help

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a prominent heiress, multi-gen Ivy pedigree. Moderately smart, certainly not Ivy caliber. Ended up at the family Ivy, majored in something easy. She doesn't work, she married some layabout jock she knew from high school.

I guess my takeaway is what exactly is OP's kid going to get out of P? It's not fun being the bottom decile of the class surrounded by hyper-aggressive tiger cubs. That scene is not for everyone -- it's torture to most kids.

What if he flunks out or transfers? Doesn't bode well for the next family member who actually wants to get in.

[Anonymous]

Op, he's needs to separate from his parents. Young adults do this in different ways. His need to for this is more important for his success than the advantages of any particular school.

[Anonymous]

Think of it from his perspective. If this is how his family is acting a year before applications are even due, imagine how y'all will be when he's actually there! Every class he takes, his choice of major, where he lives, those dinner club things. Y'all will be breathing down his neck every day and night of his college career.

You're auditioning for the role of his parents during his college career. You're flunking miserably, and making it clear what his years at Princeton would be like if he went there.

[Anonymous]

Have dad (and grandfather?) take him for a weekend visit. Just to walk around and talk about his experience there, teachers he loved, a place in the library where he liked to study. A relaxed weekend, not to pressure, but to give him a sense of why it is an important place for him. If your son is still against it, then accept it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.

Hope it wasn't for English.

[Anonymous]

This poor child.

[Anonymous]

Why don't they understand that it's BECAUSE of your family legacy there that he doesn't want to go? There will be siblings or cousins who will go, so no worries, his generation of the family will be represented there.

I would encourage him to branch out.

But then I suspect that the reason you're all pressuring him is that you're afraid he won't get into an Ivy without his legacy status

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your family given significant money? If not, then the legacy status will give only a slight boost. DC was a legacy at Harvard and at Yale. Had perfect scores but didn't get in.

This..

The OP went from "practically guarantees" to "pretty sure" in her original post. I can tell DCUM from hard experience that Princeton wait lists students like the OP's as a matter of routine, 99-percentile SATs and top grades notwithstanding. But if their name has been recently added to a building...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.

Hope it wasn't for English.

If you are going to be an obnoxious grammar nazi then at least write in full sentences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.

Our child is rebelling and says he does not want to apply there at all. He is a junior currently. If he applies, his profile plus our legacy status practically guarantees him admission. We have had many extended family members with less impressive profiles get in because of our legacy status, so I am pretty sure DC would get in.

My husband and father in-law are furious, every day is a battle between them and DC. I think my kid just wants to strike out on his own and not follow the family tradition. However I also wish he would keep up the tradition and practically speaking this is his best chance at a elite school. I wish I could find a way to persuade him to consider at least applying or at the very least find a way to diffuse the situation. It is getting toxic.

You need to talk with your DH about backing off. Then he can deal with his father. Pushing will not help the situation. In the meantime, talk with your DC about what he is looking in a school and start looking for one that seems to fit his perspective. Start taking his feelings and wants seriously and he may back down and at least apply to appease his ancestors (but dont look for him to change his mind). It is your DC’s life and he is old enough to make some choices regarding his college choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why don't they understand that it's BECAUSE of your family legacy there that he doesn't want to go? There will be siblings or cousins who will go, so no worries, his generation of the family will be represented there.

I would encourage him to branch out.

But then I suspect that the reason you're all pressuring him is that you're afraid he won't get into an Ivy without his legacy status

OP here. This is not why at all. He intends to apply to places like HYS, other ivies etc anyway. He is a very competitive and accomplished kid in his own right, near the very top of his class. However, he hasn't won an international award or something super extraordinary to guarantee him admission at HYS. At Princeton our legacy status differentiates him from other similarly qualified kids. The other reason the family is pressuring him is that they want him to carry on the tradition, which I understand sounds outlandish to most. You need to understand that a family with such a long tradition in a specific school eventually develops a kind of warped perception of reality. For most of my family members it is as if there was no other college in the world other than Princeton.

[Anonymous]

There’s always the option of paying for Princeton and telling him he’s on his own elsewhere. Though I wouldn’t do this personally...

[Anonymous]

The winning advice has already been given.

1. Back off for now. Look at other colleges. Let him formulate his own opinions and maybe realize the grass isn't always greener.

2. Late summer, early fall, talk to him about reality. He can apply non-binding Early Action to Princeton, and then apply anywhere else he wants Regular Decision.

3. Spring 2018, visit all the schools he's gotten into. Let him pick his own college.

The ultimate decision is almost 18 months away, and you are getting nowhere by ramping up insane pressure now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your family given significant money? If not, then the legacy status will give only a slight boost. DC was a legacy at Harvard and at Yale. Had perfect scores but didn't get in.

Not the OP, but did your DC have 5-6 generations of HY legacy or however many OP has? There is a big difference there. But yeah I am also curious, OP have you donated significantly to Princeton over the centuries you have been affiliated with the school? (lol...)

Yes our families have donated rather significant amounts of money over the years and we have always been very involved in alumni circles and admissions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The winning advice has already been given.

1. Back off for now. Look at other colleges. Let him formulate his own opinions and maybe realize the grass isn't always greener.

2. Late summer, early fall, talk to him about reality. He can apply non-binding Early Action to Princeton, and then apply anywhere else he wants Regular Decision.

3. Spring 2018, visit all the schools he's gotten into. Let him pick his own college.

The ultimate decision is almost 18 months away, and you are getting nowhere by ramping up insane pressure now.

Thank you!