Multi-generation Princeton double-legacy. DC doesn't want to go there...help
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Anonymous
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I know this is a real first-world problem but here we go. Our family has a multi-generation tradition at Princeton. By multi-generation I mean starting with my husbands great-great-grandfather in the 19th century. On my side, my father, grandfather and myself attended.
Our child is rebelling and says he does not want to apply there at all. He is a junior currently. If he applies, his profile plus our legacy status practically guarantees him admission. We have had many extended family members with less impressive profiles get in because of our legacy status, so I am pretty sure DC would get in. My husband and father in-law are furious, every day is a battle between them and DC. I think my kid just wants to strike out on his own and not follow the family tradition. However I also wish he would keep up the tradition and practically speaking this is his best chance at a elite school. I wish I could find a way to persuade him to consider at least applying or at the very least find a way to diffuse the situation. It is getting toxic. |
Anonymous
| Your family sounds nuts; I don't blame your kid for wanting to go elsewhere. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, I'd back off. Stop ALL discussion of college.
Next summer or early fall, visit several campuses, including Princeton. Apps are 11 months odd; he doesn't have to decide now and the more everyone pressures him, the more likely he will refuse or rebel by tanking his grades or something. |
Anonymous
Thanks for the help. now piss off. |
Anonymous
| Meant: Apps are 11 months OFF (away) |
Anonymous
Yes that makes sense, that is what I am thinking. I just have to get dh and the rest of the family to back off. Easier said than done hahah. |
Anonymous
| If he's only a junior, let it sit for now. Tell DH he has to cool it or jr will keep digging in his heels. Do NOT bring up college at all for the next several weeks. Let him do some exploring and let him feel like he has some control over his own life. After the new year, ask him which schools he would like to visit. In an ideal world he will choose Princeton but he might not. There's also always graduate school. |
Anonymous
The PP could have said it more nicely, but they are correct. It is nuts for like 6 generations of a family to all do the same thing, and it is nuts to expect a child to want to do the same thing just because all the men in his family have done it for 6 generations (or whatever.) I think it speaks well of your child that he wants to see what he can do on his own merit. Try to help your other family members see that this is possibly a sign that the child has an independent brain in his head, which is never a bad thing. My kids are a couple years younger but I really hope they never feel like they need to do something just because I did it, or their father did it. Besides, look at it this way...if he makes his own decisions and they turn out badly, at least he won't resent you for it. If he goes to Princeton and his life ends up crappy (stuck in an unfulfilling job on Wall Street, always wondering what could have been if he'd followed his own instincts), he'll just resent you, and never visit you in what I'm sure will be a very nice nursing home. |
Anonymous
| It's like an episode of the Gilmore Girls. |
Anonymous
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His profile does not guarantee him acceptance. Sorry. HYPS are inundated with legacies trying to get in and not enough room to take all of them.
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Anonymous
Calm down OP. - dp |
Anonymous
| Get off his back, for god's sake. I don't blame him for not wanting to go, given that your family yacks on about it all the damned time. Does he even have the grades to get in and succeed in his own right? Or do you just want fifth-generation bragging rights? |
Anonymous
Well, let DH worry about himself and his folks. Just tell them that they more they pressure DS, the more he is going to want to go somewhere else. Right now, Princeton and the pressure he is getting from y'all are one and the same to him. Let him visit Princeton and form his own impressions and then re-visit. But right now, he only associates it with negativity and pressure. Humble brag alert: I have sent 3 of mine to college - 2 to HYSP. Our approach was to make home an oasis from all the college app pressure. He should enjoy being at home. He should not dread it or talking to his parents because they are putting pressure on him about a particular school. |
Anonymous
Lol right?! you would think this kind of families don't really exist, but I guess they do. I bet the husband has a numeral after his last name. OP: I agree with above, this is nuts. You guys are not the royal family, choosing not to go to Princeton is not like abdicating the throne or something. |
Anonymous
| I'd like to add this to the 'boomers traditions you'd like to see die off' post. Blindly following traditions because "that's the way it's always been done" without any regard for what the person actually wants to do with their own life. |