Nobody brought us food

[Anonymous]

And m no. Other people aren't in this world to feed you or help you take care of your children. Perhaps you should have been nicer to your mothers and MILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.

+1, and I don't buy only people with kids know to do this. I didn't have my first kid until I was 42, I've been bringing my friends food when they had kids for 20 years.

Well, you are one of the few grannie.

NP; she isn't one of the few, and immature name calling doesn't exactly stake out your position as the one on the side of proper behavior.

I've lived in 5 states since I was old enough to have friends having kids, and in each one food was a welcome and expected new-parent gift.

I completely understand that there are subcultures where this is not the norm, but everyone shouting that at OP should realize that she is a part of her subculture. If she expected food, she's not in one where it's not the norm.

Expecting handouts is not proper behavior.

Like a pp above said, it's not that they're looking for handouts. It's that they were wanting to feel a sense of community and sisterhood. You know, how things used to be? "It takes a village" and all that? You sound incredibly obtuse.

So much "I don't need no stinkin help" attitude on this thread. Live like that if you please, but know that others want to feel connected and cared for by those in their circle. It's likely that they also want to do those things for their friends and family, too. So many people year for that sense of connection and kinship with their community like they saw their mothers and grandmothers have. I know I do.

You get what you give. If there's a reason you don't have that community, it's because you didn't bother to build it. Just because you decided to have a child doesn't make it magically appear.

So eff em, right? God, people are nasty. Let me guess: you have a big, warm, loving, fulfilling village that fills up your love tank so fully that you come here on DCUM and share the love. Oh wait. Never mind. You said "you get what you give." Your life must be utterly dismal then.

[Anonymous]

With our first kid, I cooked a bit ahead of time, but mostly I was putting in long hours at work to prepare for my unpaid maternity leave. And I really, truly did not understand what taking care of a newborn would be like. It didn't occur to me to make big freeze-ahead meals, not that we could have fit that much in our freezer. I never cook casseroles or lasagna or the like anyway -- just not my cooking style. I read the posts on DCUM that said "it's ridiculous that a new mom doesn't have time to shower, babies sleep all the time!" and took them to heart. Oops. Baby never slept, basically nursed all the time, I was super depressed, it was hell. Fortunately my MIL brought some food and we ate it. After that we relied on frozen convenience meals and takeout for a couple months until I was up to cooking. DH is an ok cook but not great, but it really was all we could manage between the two of us to take care of one baby. I know how absurd that sounds, but it was our experience. None of our local friends had kids or liked kids so they didn't stop by or bring food or anything, and it never occurred to me that they would.

With the second kid, I froze as much chili and stew as our freezer could handle and stocked up on frozen dinners. But we also by that point were doing family meals with the older child, and he's not a big chili/stew eater, so we pretty much ate the stew for lunch and made very simple dinners every night. Lots of grilled cheese and salad. MIL didn't make any food the second time (even though we asked her to -- never quite figured out what happened there, but whatever). We did a lot of takeout and delivery for the first few weeks. One friend came to visit and brought food and we were incredibly grateful. We got 3 dinners out of it. It was awesome. But in general my recovery was much faster and taking care of baby was so much easier the second time around, even though baby had some health issues, so after about a month we settled back into the cooking routine without too much trouble. The difference is now the meals are very simple.

I didn't grow up around babies and almost none of my friends had babies when we had ours, and I really had never heard of bringing food until my friend brought some for our second baby. Food when someone is sick or there's been a death, yes. For babies, just not something on my radar until someone else did it for me. Oh and this was 6 months ago, so quite recent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You get what you give. If there's a reason you don't have that community, it's because you didn't bother to build it. Just because you decided to have a child doesn't make it magically appear.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You get what you give. If there's a reason you don't have that community, it's because you didn't bother to build it. Just because you decided to have a child doesn't make it magically appear.

+1

Yikes. With people like you, maybe I should just order pizza instead of being part of your village.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry. No one brought us food either. Not. a. single. meal. We have no family around. And friends dropped by to see baby, but no food. I chalked it up to being in a city where people have no manners (in the South, you can't sneeze without someone bringing you a casserole). I spent my whole life doing the "right" thing, writing every thank you note, bringing meals, etc and then then when it was my turn (and this wasn't the first time, I had a previous surgery where no one turned up) and no one showed up, I realized not everyone is as into friends as I was and I just let go. Now I have a neighbor who has a 3 week old, and eh, I'll get to her when I get to her. Maybe not the the best attitude to have, but I no longer bend over backwards for everyone else. Life lesson for me. We subsisted on many sandwiches, takeout, frozen waffles, pizza, etc for months. And it made us stronger. No matter what life throws at us, we'll be ok. I know that doesn't make things easier right now for you, but you're going to be ok!

[Anonymous]

We are foodies and damn good cooks. I do not want people's shitty casserole.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe the number of horrible bitter people on this thread. I didn't expect any random person to bring a meal, but when my parents showed up you bet they took care of the food situation. I cooked a few meals, but only because I was going stir crazy and liked to cook.

I don't even know what I'd say to parents or in laws who would show up and expect to be fed by the new mother, but that's because I wasn't raised by wolves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry. No one brought us food either. Not. a. single. meal. We have no family around. And friends dropped by to see baby, but no food. I chalked it up to being in a city where people have no manners (in the South, you can't sneeze without someone bringing you a casserole). I spent my whole life doing the "right" thing, writing every thank you note, bringing meals, etc and then then when it was my turn (and this wasn't the first time, I had a previous surgery where no one turned up) and no one showed up, I realized not everyone is as into friends as I was and I just let go. Now I have a neighbor who has a 3 week old, and eh, I'll get to her when I get to her. Maybe not the the best attitude to have, but I no longer bend over backwards for everyone else. Life lesson for me. We subsisted on many sandwiches, takeout, frozen waffles, pizza, etc for months. And it made us stronger. No matter what life throws at us, we'll be ok. I know that doesn't make things easier right now for you, but you're going to be ok!

I'm from the South too. And my friends get my macaroni and cheese after they have babies. Plenty of calcium for nursing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You get what you give. If there's a reason you don't have that community, it's because you didn't bother to build it. Just because you decided to have a child doesn't make it magically appear.

+1

Yikes. With people like you, maybe I should just order pizza instead of being part of your village.

Have you ever attempted to be part of my village? Reached out when I looked like I could use a friend? Invited me over because my husband was traveling all week? The answer to that is no, so enjoy your dominoes.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, people on this thread suck.

I would bring you food, OP, whether or not you are part of my "village". Because I'm human, and I've been there.

And fwiw, we had about 2-3 weeks of meals brought to us thanks to my sister teaching our to my friends and coworkers to set up a meal train, and it was glorious. I would do it for others in an instant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry. No one brought us food either. Not. a. single. meal. We have no family around. And friends dropped by to see baby, but no food. I chalked it up to being in a city where people have no manners (in the South, you can't sneeze without someone bringing you a casserole). I spent my whole life doing the "right" thing, writing every thank you note, bringing meals, etc and then then when it was my turn (and this wasn't the first time, I had a previous surgery where no one turned up) and no one showed up, I realized not everyone is as into friends as I was and I just let go. Now I have a neighbor who has a 3 week old, and eh, I'll get to her when I get to her. Maybe not the the best attitude to have, but I no longer bend over backwards for everyone else. Life lesson for me. We subsisted on many sandwiches, takeout, frozen waffles, pizza, etc for months. And it made us stronger. No matter what life throws at us, we'll be ok. I know that doesn't make things easier right now for you, but you're going to be ok!

I'm from the South too. And my friends get my macaroni and cheese after they have babies. Plenty of calcium for nursing!

I'm from the south and couldn't believe it when no one in my Alexandria neighborhood stopped by to introduce themselves when we moved in. So I make a point to take food to new neighbors and new parents, people who had surgery, and to shovel the elderly neighbors' driveway and sidewalk. No, I don't get "paid back" but that's not what it's about. I try to be gracious and welcoming because I enjoy having a community. And if I have to live in the DC area, I'm going to make the best of it.
If they don't like my food, they don't have to eat it. But everyone has been grateful so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry. No one brought us food either. Not. a. single. meal. We have no family around. And friends dropped by to see baby, but no food. I chalked it up to being in a city where people have no manners (in the South, you can't sneeze without someone bringing you a casserole). I spent my whole life doing the "right" thing, writing every thank you note, bringing meals, etc and then then when it was my turn (and this wasn't the first time, I had a previous surgery where no one turned up) and no one showed up, I realized not everyone is as into friends as I was and I just let go. Now I have a neighbor who has a 3 week old, and eh, I'll get to her when I get to her. Maybe not the the best attitude to have, but I no longer bend over backwards for everyone else. Life lesson for me. We subsisted on many sandwiches, takeout, frozen waffles, pizza, etc for months. And it made us stronger. No matter what life throws at us, we'll be ok. I know that doesn't make things easier right now for you, but you're going to be ok!

I'm from the South too. And my friends get my macaroni and cheese after they have babies. Plenty of calcium for nursing!

I'm from the south and couldn't believe it when no one in my Alexandria neighborhood stopped by to introduce themselves when we moved in. So I make a point to take food to new neighbors and new parents, people who had surgery, and to shovel the elderly neighbors' driveway and sidewalk. No, I don't get "paid back" but that's not what it's about. I try to be gracious and welcoming because I enjoy having a community. And if I have to live in the DC area, I'm going to make the best of it.
If they don't like my food, they don't have to eat it. But everyone has been grateful so far.

In this area, you could get sued for accidentally sending over something with peanuts in a nut-free home, an accidental piece of hair in a lasagna, or gluten products to a gluten-free mom. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are not lamenting the lack of free food--it's the concept of community and human connection they miss when people don't care for new parents.
It is a result of the independent "I can do it all and rely on no one" thinking that is pervasive in the D.C. area.

+1000 when I was growing up you always brought food to a family with a new baby.

These days, my circle coordinates with each other. It's amazing, after DD was born a different friend stop by with a meal almost every day for three weeks. They got to meet the baby and often helped out in some other way. Sometimes it was pizza or Chinese, sometimes it was a made from scratch masterpiece. Regardless we never had to think about it and we felt very loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You get what you give. If there's a reason you don't have that community, it's because you didn't bother to build it. Just because you decided to have a child doesn't make it magically appear.

+1

Yikes. With people like you, maybe I should just order pizza instead of being part of your village.

Have you ever attempted to be part of my village? Reached out when I looked like I could use a friend? Invited me over because my husband was traveling all week? The answer to that is no, so enjoy your dominoes.

Seek therapy.