Nobody brought us food

[Anonymous]

We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. I guess it depends on your circle of friends/family/neighbors and what's normal. When mine were newborns, I did get a few days of meals from close friends. Actually, I got MORE meals with my second, because by then I had "mom friends" from the first, who were all wonderful with providing meals. My own parents came to visit and my mom cooked nightly for several days. My in-laws came and were generally helpful, but they don't cook. They did offer to order food and pick it up.

Don't stress over this though. It's just not worth it. Order some takeout and snuggle that baby.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people just don't remember what those first few weeks are like. Friends who had kids brought food. Friends who didn't have kids brought an otherwise useless toy or beer.

I was just happy to see folks.

There's lots of options for ordering out, and that's what you'd probably do most of the time even if people did bring a meal here or there.

[Anonymous]

None of my family or friends brought us food either. DH just cooked for me. I remember my inlaws came and brought some other family members too and DH fed us all. Why are you starving and why isn't DH cooking? Immediately postpartum we liked going out to outdoor restaurants and just eating. Newborns sleep so much!

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone brought me food either. My mom did stay with us and helped with the cooking, though.
I don't think most people really think that they're expected to bring food -- not like when someone dies or has cancer or something. But I do think it's rude to pop in right at dinner time and expect to be fed!

[Anonymous]

No one brought me food either. Sorry, op. It's a bummer. Especially when you make the effort to bring others food. Not that you do that with an expectation of it being returned, but it would've been nice.

[Anonymous]

When my IL's visited after baby was born, I was the one who had to go pick up dinner ... both nights ... because my DH was getting caught up on work and they "don't know where anything is around here." And I did it because they annoy me so much that I just wanted to get out of the house!

But yeah - I get what you're saying. But there are a lot of people, family and friends, who think of a new baby as a social occasion and not a "helping out" occasion. It sucks but what can you do.

[Anonymous]

This is so family/group specific. In my extended family, no one cooks for or brings the new family food except for maybe the grandmothers. When my sisters and I visited each other when one of us had a new baby in the house, we generally just ordered takeout once we were all together.

[Anonymous]

We received two freezer meals when we had our first, and zero freezer meals when we had our second. I think the difference is most of our friends started having kids right after us, so they were probably too busy to bring food.

Our parents were particularly unhelpful with food. With the first they rushed down to meet him but still expected us to cook meals. With the second apparently we weren't gracious enough hosts the first time because my inlaws said they were going to wait a couple weeks after my C-section to meet their second grandchild so I'd be more able to "host" them (and they sent us a list of suggested groceries to buy/foods to prepare).

[Anonymous]

Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this expected of friends that visit as well, and I'm not talking dinner time, but during the day?

And what would you have done if they were not visiting you?

Did you just fall off the turnip truck? It's good manners to bring new moms food.

[Anonymous]

We didn't get any food. Plenty of people stopped by which was lovely. We had made some things in advance, and DH is the cook in our house anyway, so it didn't seem difficult. I don't remember thinking anything of it at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We received two freezer meals when we had our first, and zero freezer meals when we had our second. I think the difference is most of our friends started having kids right after us, so they were probably too busy to bring food.

Our parents were particularly unhelpful with food. With the first they rushed down to meet him but still expected us to cook meals. With the second apparently we weren't gracious enough hosts the first time because my inlaws said they were going to wait a couple weeks after my C-section to meet their second grandchild so I'd be more able to "host" them (and they sent us a list of suggested groceries to buy/foods to prepare).

This is ... crazy. I think I'd respond to that with a list of hotels near restaurants.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean your "DH figured out pizza"? I mean how hard is it to say "Hey, I'm going to order pizza for dinner guys. Who's staying and what toppings do you want?" There's not much to figure out.

Also, why would you have relied on other people? Before our first was born, I made six quarts of different types of soups and froze them. DH made a couple of pans of dinners that we like (stuffed mushrooms, eggplant parm) and froze them. We stocked up on small snacks (almonds) for me to eat while nursing. We figured out where we'd order groceries from. Anything people brought was a bonus, not what we were relying on.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. That postpartum time can be difficult and entertaining people who don't come to help is not always what you feel up to.

My parents came to stay for more than a week and didn't offer to cook or order food or anything the entire time. Luckily the first night they were here a neighbor stopped by with a meal, and then several others came by after that.

My mom just wanted to hold the baby and thought that was helpful enough. My dad just wanted to sit around and chat and it never occurred to him to pitch in with anything.

I am determined that if I ever have grandchildren I will make sure I am as helpful as possible when visiting. So at least I can take something positive out of that experience.