Nobody brought us food

[Anonymous]

Is this a new thing?

Granted, I had my kids over 20 years ago, but nobody ever brought food - to me or to any of my friends who had babies. It just wasn’t a thing. A gift for the baby? Absolutely. And, sometimes a small gift for the new mom. But, never food.

And, I have never taken food to a new mother.

[Anonymous]

oP. - i would feel as you do - that you're not relying on people to feed you but surprised that they aren't if they visit. Especially in the case of your inlaws. My MIL did this with our first and when it came time for dinner and she asked me what we were eating, I was flabbergasted. I'm sorry no one brought you food!

[Anonymous]

The past two people I know that had babies both had extensive church networks and said NOT to bring food because they were out of freezer space. One sent me home with food! I brought other items (a baby carrier, clothes, extra pads), but still felt like a jerk.

I think if it's not an expectation, it's a well established social nicety. Sorry people didn't bring you food, OP. Hopefully they helped around the house and didn't just require hosting!

[Anonymous]

See, DH and I are normally really frugal about ordering takeout so I was so excited to have a reason to throw budgeting to the wind and order all the take out my postpartum heart desired after DD was born. Plus, I got to order tons and tons of Indian food which DH normally vetoes because hey, I was the one with stitches all up in my bits so I gets what I wants! It was AWESOME!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing?

Granted, I had my kids over 20 years ago, but nobody ever brought food - to me or to any of my friends who had babies. It just wasn’t a thing. A gift for the baby? Absolutely. And, sometimes a small gift for the new mom. But, never food.

And, I have never taken food to a new mother.

No, it's not new. In the neighborhood I grew up in, lots of people brought lasagnas or casseroles to new moms. The idea was she could eat it that day or freeze it. But in that neighborhood, people brought casseroles for everything.

[Anonymous]

No one brought us anything either. My mom came and stayed for two weeks and literally never did a single thing but offer to hold the baby a couple times. No laundry, no meals, nothing. I'll know next time to not allow her into our home! The night we came home, she actually called on our way home and asked what we were picking up for her to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one brought us anything either. My mom came and stayed for two weeks and literally never did a single thing but offer to hold the baby a couple times. No laundry, no meals, nothing. I'll know next time to not allow her into our home! The night we came home, she actually called on our way home and asked what we were picking up for her to eat.

The obvious answer here is "A knuckle sammich, why do you ask?"

[Anonymous]

After my first was born my mother invited herself with my father the day I got home from the hospital and then proceeded to sit on the couch all day waiting to be waited on. DS never slept and we were so exhausted but she didn't do anything to help except hold him as long as he was perfectly content and quiet (so, for 10 minutes at a time). I remember one night her getting really irritated with me because she wanted dinner and I could hardly stand up. I couldn't believe it. I was like "If you really can't make yourself something I guess I could order a pizza?!" My dad, who probably had undiagnosed autism, was actually more clued in than my mom. He offered to drive her to a restaurant so they could get dinner. But neither offered to bring us anything.

She asked to come back a month later at Christmas and I said no because I "couldn't host her." I think she complained at work and her friends set her straight (she lives in the south) because with the next kid she offered to come and make food for us that we could freeze.

I didn't really expect people to wait on me, but if I have a newborn and you invite yourself you damn well better be prepared to take care of yourself. I mean, I was still bleeding and crying every time I peed. My nipples were raw and chapped. I was desperate for food and sleep and a shower all at the same time. I was not freaking making dinner for people who chose to arrive at the most inconvenient moment of my entire life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one brought us anything either. My mom came and stayed for two weeks and literally never did a single thing but offer to hold the baby a couple times. No laundry, no meals, nothing. I'll know next time to not allow her into our home! The night we came home, she actually called on our way home and asked what we were picking up for her to eat.

The obvious answer here is "A knuckle sammich, why do you ask?"

Oh I definitely should have said that!

Just one of the many times she has shown her true colors. Selfish, narcissistic, manipulative. Since then, I have cut her out of my life. I hate that it came to that, but I've never been happier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember coming home from the hospital with my second baby - my in laws, parents and sisters were all there waiting for us with my 2 year old - and within 5 mins of my arrival my mom asked what I was making them for dinner. I just put the baby in her arms and left the room to take my first shower in 3 days and they figured out the number for Papa John's.
People just don't think sometimes OP. Get yourself the Instacart app and only rely on yourself.

I just can't even imagine why someone would ever even to that?

My MIL was super weird about food immediately post-partum. She threw away my gourmet granola a friend had bought me, claiming it was "expired" (this is a lady who insists on cooking 2-weeks expired chicken!) and she turned off some oatmeal I had cooking. I think she thought I shouldn't be eating carbs? After that she was pretty good about food, except for the one time she served me 4 small shrimp for dinner when I was still breastfeeding ...

[Anonymous]

I had a couple of friends pick up takeout on their way over. That was nice.

My family who visited didn't help until I locked myself in my room with baby all day because the stress of figuring out what to do and what everyone was going to eat got to be too much. It was awful. My DH was no help. I did make lots of freezer meals pre-baby. If I ever have another baby, I will say no overnight guests for 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently had a baby, and I'm completely flabbergasted that nobody (family) who visited the baby in the first days (other than my own parents) brought us food or even offered to bring us a freezer meal.

I'm NOT trying to sound like this is expected. But I'm a little confused. My parents came to visit right away, bringing us lunch that first day home. It was wonderfully received. We were all starved! That same evening, my ILs and DH grandparents came at dinner time, and not one person brought food or suggested food or ordered food. My DH figured out pizza while I struggled to get situated with a new baby. Other family came in the following days, but not one meal.

I've always assumed everyone fed the new parents. That's what I've always done! You visit, you bring a dish. Right? Are my hormones just raging, or is this crazy! Talk me down!

Now you know not to assume. I didn't receive food from anyone after the birth, and would have been very surprised to receive any! I don't get this food-train thing in general.
And having a healthy newborn is not really a big deal, OP. We came home with a special needs baby, I had tears, and we had no trouble cooking or taking care of ourselves. It was even easier with a healthy baby 5 years later.

I'm not trying to be mean. But there are plenty of much harder things in life, and I hope you never experience them.

[Anonymous]

The only time my neighborhood/church plans food for a family is in the event of a serious illness or death in the family.

New moms? Nope. Unless there are complications........

[Anonymous]

Nobody brought us food. It never occurred to me that they should.

[Anonymous]

Though most people I know do tend to bring food, I would never have relied on it, and certainly not on a full meal. I wouldn't expect that they had brought enough or the right kind of stuff.

I do have a mom and a MIL who take over the kitchen, and I am happy to let them. But other guests would not be expected to provide for themselves. We'd be happy to order in.