Nobody brought us food

[Anonymous]

We always send people food. For close friends we try our darn hard to cook a meal ourselves. For others we will send a meal via delivery. We have two kids and I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to be blessed with meals. What is interesting is that it was mainly neighbors, friends, church friends who brought us food. Our close family including sister in laws did not. We've even sent meals to near strangers and they have been so appreciative. It's one of the things I sure hope comes back and we are doing are part to play a part in it becoming something people do again. I've only had one couple actually say no when we offered to send them a meal. Everyone else has been so incredibly appreciative of it. Particularly around the 4-6 week mark when things get really tough.

[Anonymous]

The comments make me feel rather fortunate in that I was innundated with food after I had my baby. at the time I was at a church that circulated an online signup sheet after one of the members of a small group had a baby. The couples were in their early 30s so there was always at least one expecting mom. I had my DS in August and after my mom left in early september (she cooked wonderful meals and did all the housework) I had food to last me until mid October. The moms that stopped by would text or knock b/c they knew that baby might be napping.

I no longer go to that church but I've actually thought we need to get plugged in actively into a small group in the church we attend before we TTC in a few months. I really hope to be similarly supported with #2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The comments make me feel rather fortunate in that I was innundated with food after I had my baby. at the time I was at a church that circulated an online signup sheet after one of the members of a small group had a baby. The couples were in their early 30s so there was always at least one expecting mom. I had my DS in August and after my mom left in early september (she cooked wonderful meals and did all the housework) I had food to last me until mid October. The moms that stopped by would text or knock b/c they knew that baby might be napping.

I no longer go to that church but I've actually thought we need to get plugged in actively into a small group in the church we attend before we TTC in a few months. I really hope to be similarly supported with #2.

So you welcomed the food for #1, quit when you no longer needed it, and now are looking to join a new church for more free food?

[Anonymous]

I see both sides here. It would be nice if people dropping in to see new baby brought food. But no one brought me food, and I didn't even think to expect it. But I also did not have a lot of visitors since he was 4 weeks early (but no NICU time).
I don't see a "need" to bring food with the birth of the first child. The newborn sleeps all the time. The new mom rests and recovers. The new dad takes care of new mom - like cooking the meals.
It seems a bit dramatic that you were starving and your husband just now figured out how to order pizza.

[Anonymous]

I think when people come to visit a nice offer of "can I bring you anything...lunch...some diapers" etc is kind but not necessary. I wouldn't want people to pop by with premade dinners out of the blue or start a meal train. It is nice but I really rather not have random food. That said, if someone said they would pick me up lunch on their way over from xyz restaurant I may take them up on that!

I have one child and am expecting another and really never found it hard to get dinner on the table even with a VERY BAD recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides here. It would be nice if people dropping in to see new baby brought food. But no one brought me food, and I didn't even think to expect it. But I also did not have a lot of visitors since he was 4 weeks early (but no NICU time).
I don't see a "need" to bring food with the birth of the first child. The newborn sleeps all the time. The new mom rests and recovers. The new dad takes care of new mom - like cooking the meals.
It seems a bit dramatic that you were starving and your husband just now figured out how to order pizza.

Or your husband is feeding the kid from a finger and SNS because he has a poor suckle reflex while you try to pump and are crying and bleeding hard from a placenta accretia. Which of course is repeated every 2 hours. Don't forget washing the pump parts!!

And you are also crying because he failed his Newborn Screening test and has bad jaundice which is making him sleepy which makes it even harder to feed him.

So yeah...you are greatful AF for the lasagna someone brought over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides here. It would be nice if people dropping in to see new baby brought food. But no one brought me food, and I didn't even think to expect it. But I also did not have a lot of visitors since he was 4 weeks early (but no NICU time).
I don't see a "need" to bring food with the birth of the first child. The newborn sleeps all the time. The new mom rests and recovers. The new dad takes care of new mom - like cooking the meals.
It seems a bit dramatic that you were starving and your husband just now figured out how to order pizza.

Or your husband is feeding the kid from a finger and SNS because he has a poor suckle reflex while you try to pump and are crying and bleeding hard from a placenta accretia. Which of course is repeated every 2 hours. Don't forget washing the pump parts!!

And you are also crying because he failed his Newborn Screening test and has bad jaundice which is making him sleepy which makes it even harder to feed him.

So yeah...you are greatful AF for the lasagna someone brought over.

If I was in that state I’d be doing formula and Uber eats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides here. It would be nice if people dropping in to see new baby brought food. But no one brought me food, and I didn't even think to expect it. But I also did not have a lot of visitors since he was 4 weeks early (but no NICU time).
I don't see a "need" to bring food with the birth of the first child. The newborn sleeps all the time. The new mom rests and recovers. The new dad takes care of new mom - like cooking the meals.
It seems a bit dramatic that you were starving and your husband just now figured out how to order pizza.

Or your husband is feeding the kid from a finger and SNS because he has a poor suckle reflex while you try to pump and are crying and bleeding hard from a placenta accretia. Which of course is repeated every 2 hours. Don't forget washing the pump parts!!

And you are also crying because he failed his Newborn Screening test and has bad jaundice which is making him sleepy which makes it even harder to feed him.

So yeah...you are greatful AF for the lasagna someone brought over.

If I was in that state I’d be doing formula and Uber eats.

Don’t forget to order Uber eats for all your family visitors who show up hungry and don’t offer to help. Please come back and tell us how easy it is to take care of an infant, clean your house and still have time to leave a chocolate on your guests pillows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides here. It would be nice if people dropping in to see new baby brought food. But no one brought me food, and I didn't even think to expect it. But I also did not have a lot of visitors since he was 4 weeks early (but no NICU time).
I don't see a "need" to bring food with the birth of the first child. The newborn sleeps all the time. The new mom rests and recovers. The new dad takes care of new mom - like cooking the meals.
It seems a bit dramatic that you were starving and your husband just now figured out how to order pizza.

Or your husband is feeding the kid from a finger and SNS because he has a poor suckle reflex while you try to pump and are crying and bleeding hard from a placenta accretia. Which of course is repeated every 2 hours. Don't forget washing the pump parts!!

And you are also crying because he failed his Newborn Screening test and has bad jaundice which is making him sleepy which makes it even harder to feed him.

So yeah...you are greatful AF for the lasagna someone brought over.

The grateful part is understood, and if that's how you operate in your daily life, I'm sure people will bring you food. The problem some folks have is the expectation. That screams entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when people come to visit a nice offer of "can I bring you anything...lunch...some diapers" etc is kind but not necessary. I wouldn't want people to pop by with premade dinners out of the blue or start a meal train. It is nice but I really rather not have random food. That said, if someone said they would pick me up lunch on their way over from xyz restaurant I may take them up on that!

I have one child and am expecting another and really never found it hard to get dinner on the table even with a VERY BAD recovery.

Agree. Mom to 4 kids and with each subsequent new baby I never found it hard to get meals on the table.
So much helplessness and entitlement on this board.

[Anonymous]

OP, why did you not plan for meals BEFORE the baby arrived? You could have outsourced it or had a meal train. To depend on people to bring food when you have no tradition of doing in this country is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why did you not plan for meals BEFORE the baby arrived? You could have outsourced it or had a meal train. To depend on people to bring food when you have no tradition of doing in this country is absurd.

But there is a tradition to bring new parents food! That is in fact the tradition in the United States. The problem is a lot of people, particularly outside of the South, have abandoned this tradition. Too bad - we need more kindness and community spirit in the world today, not less. And not everyone has the money to just outsource, jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why did you not plan for meals BEFORE the baby arrived? You could have outsourced it or had a meal train. To depend on people to bring food when you have no tradition of doing in this country is absurd.

But there is a tradition to bring new parents food! That is in fact the tradition in the United States. The problem is a lot of people, particularly outside of the South, have abandoned this tradition. Too bad - we need more kindness and community spirit in the world today, not less. And not everyone has the money to just outsource, jeez.

And not everyone has the money to feed those outside of their own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why did you not plan for meals BEFORE the baby arrived? You could have outsourced it or had a meal train. To depend on people to bring food when you have no tradition of doing in this country is absurd.

But there is a tradition to bring new parents food! That is in fact the tradition in the United States. The problem is a lot of people, particularly outside of the South, have abandoned this tradition. Too bad - we need more kindness and community spirit in the world today, not less. And not everyone has the money to just outsource, jeez.

Not to mention, I assume you made the choice to expand your family. Did you not think about having to provide for yourselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when people come to visit a nice offer of "can I bring you anything...lunch...some diapers" etc is kind but not necessary. I wouldn't want people to pop by with premade dinners out of the blue or start a meal train. It is nice but I really rather not have random food. That said, if someone said they would pick me up lunch on their way over from xyz restaurant I may take them up on that!

I have one child and am expecting another and really never found it hard to get dinner on the table even with a VERY BAD recovery.

Agree. Mom to 4 kids and with each subsequent new baby I never found it hard to get meals on the table.
So much helplessness and entitlement on this board.

I come from a culture where women are not supposed to lift a finger for 6 weeks after childbirth. They just heal, bond with the baby and are in seclusion to minimize infections for 6 whole weeks. Which meant that my parents came a month before the baby was born and stayed for 5 months more. I hired my cleaning lady to come thrice a week to clean, do laundry and help with the kitchen chores (mainly prep work). I also hired a cook to come once a week for 4 hours to cook several entrees. Mom and DH are pretty great in the kitchen too. I had also frozen meals before the baby came. I think we were just very organized and outsourced as much as we could. I did not have visitors for 6 weeks - instead after the 6th week we had a ceremony where we invited all our friends and family. After the ceremony lunch was served for 100 people (but we got that catered).

Looking back, I think the seclusion for 6 weeks is a great thing. You have not healed, you are bleeding heavily, trying to nurse, the umbilical cord is not healed, every thing is new and unfamiliar. I would have gone ballistic if I had visitors. After 6 weeks, I was healed, baby had latched properly. I was not bleeding...everything was much better, and I was ready to meet everyone. I prefered our traditional way to the more modern postpartum traditions here. Only thing I was not a fan of was that I was not allowed to have cold water or ice for 6 weeks. It was always warm water with lots of herbs boiled in it. I looked with yearning at the chips of ice other moms were chewing but my mom was firm that any thing cold will actually slow down my healing or lead to health problem later in life.