He lied

[Anonymous]

Get the hell out. Read my post about my fired, lying, stealing DH. Do not trust or stay in a relationship with someone who lies about such simple matters. There was no reason to lie here.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I'm glad you had the strength to end things so far into it. I would have said, "do not marry him."

My ex did many of the same types of things, and it is simply, a character flaw. The only good thing to come out of our marriage are our kids, but that's just another area where he can lie and manipulate.

Much like your fiance, my ex had a somewhat troubled childhood -- always the excuse or "reason" for his lying and for his behavior. He is a narcissist, so it is always about him, but never his fault. Life dealt him a bad hand, and he covers up with lies because he feels inferior. He would just say they are no big deal and does not understand the mistrust it built.

Some examples -- he lied about his age and about having an MBA the night we met. I found about 6 months later, by chance. He apologized profusely, wrote me long letters, begged for another chance. OK, that was my biggest regret. Not telling my family and taking him back. Along the way, I learned that he did not graduate from where he said he graduated college. He went to college, but not where or the way he had led me to believe.

Later on, it was about who he was with, what he was doing, taking a job and making it seem like we decided together. Found a box of bills, unopened and hidden under a bed right after we married.

The list goes on and on -- but I can tell you from experience, it is no way to live. White lies you tell to save someone some heartache, those are not the same as lies told between life partners. You tell someone you enjoyed the dinner they made for you, or that you have other plans already, or whatever...you're not setting up a life with that person. The lies he told you go to the core of who he is.

As everyone has said, he has shown you who he is. He did not come clean, you found him out. That was lucky for you, and you were smart enough to seek advice. I was not so smart back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.

Did you return the ring?

Op here, yes, but, it's packed in his stuff, he'll have to unpack everything to find it! I told him that it's packed up with his belongings.

[Anonymous]

While the financial implications are troubling, I'm more concerned about what else he's lying about so casually.

Usually if you tug on a loose thread, the whole garment eventually unravels. This is why a full background check is essential! Even the cheap ones on the Internet show real estate ownership.

[Anonymous]

I dated someone who lied. Said he had his phd, hadn't finished, etc. Lots of little things adding up. I ultimately broke up (other issues, but related). He later lied to a bunch of people who invested with him, lost $ and is bankrupt and living with his mom. So glad I ended it.

Move forward with a clear conscience!

[Anonymous]

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.

OP, it is so very clear from this update that you did the absolute right thing. Putting the lying aside, the fact that this man was about to marry you and kept such significant aspects of his life a secret from you (abusive childhood, inferiority complex) speaks volumes about how disastrous of a marriage this would have been.

I don't know you, but am very happy that you decided to end it. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it since it takes such a strong woman to do that so close to a wedding date. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.

Did you return the ring?

Op here, yes, but, it's packed in his stuff, he'll have to unpack everything to find it! I told him that it's packed up with his belongings.

You should have lied to him (about packing the ring) and get some payback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.

OP, it is so very clear from this update that you did the absolute right thing. Putting the lying aside, the fact that this man was about to marry you and kept such significant aspects of his life a secret from you (abusive childhood, inferiority complex) speaks volumes about how disastrous of a marriage this would have been.

I don't know you, but am very happy that you decided to end it. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it since it takes such a strong woman to do that so close to a wedding date. Congratulations!

Op here. Thank you. This has been emotionally draining, and moving his stuff out was physically draining. When I walk around the house and just look at how different it is, how quiet it is, it breaks my heart thinking of the life I THOUGHT was ahead. Very sad, but the feelings of betrayal are so much stronger that I knew the trust was completely gone. I actually feel sorry for him. He is very broken, he is struggling, he has been asking for forgiveness and another chance. I just can't do it. Have to move on. Have to heal my heart somehow

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thank you. This has been emotionally draining, and moving his stuff out was physically draining. When I walk around the house and just look at how different it is, how quiet it is, it breaks my heart thinking of the life I THOUGHT was ahead. Very sad, but the feelings of betrayal are so much stronger that I knew the trust was completely gone. I actually feel sorry for him. He is very broken, he is struggling, he has been asking for forgiveness and another chance. I just can't do it. Have to move on. Have to heal my heart somehow

OP, this is painful now but I suspect you will meet someone else, and you'll know how to evaluate them and you'll realize how important trust is and you'll find the right guy.

I also suspect that this will be a make or break event for your ex--and perhaps it will be a good thing for him in the end to face up to his actions and become a better person. but he needs to do it for himself. you did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

You marry this person, you only have yourself to blame. This is not a little red flag, this is a red house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You marry this person, you only have yourself to blame. This is not a little red flag, this is a red house!

Way to read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Wow op I am shocked and proud of you!!!!! I really thought you went back to him. You are one strong fierce woman, and the next guy who comes along will be so lucky to have you!!

[Anonymous]

Good job, OP. I was going to say RUN, don't WALK, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. KUDOS

[Anonymous]

Great job, OP. I can only imagine how tough that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ughhhh she took him back. Post back when he ruins your credit and you're headed for divorce so we can say we told you so.

Op here. I did not take him back. I packed up all of his stuff (except for a few items that I'm choosing to keep!). I don't know where he's staying right now, but he is picking up everything this weekend (7/15). I can't live with or have a future with a liar. I thought about taking him back, we met up and talked for 3hrs. I found out a lot of other stuff (abusive childhood, has always felt inferior to other people), but it still doesn't excuse the lying and making up stuff to perpetuate the lie. If he would have come clean sometime during the first 6 months, I would fee different. Almost 3 years later, no, it's too late.

I'm sorry you had to go through this but sounds like you got some key information. Did he even apologize or empathize how you might be feeling? That would be the only way I'd consider getting comfortable with anything - a lie he had to just keep going with.... What was he planning to do once you were both married and sharing properties?

ANyhow, sounds like he added a bunch of other weirdo stories to the mix so might be too much baggage for most of us.