He lied

[Anonymous]

Oh boy , Op!

I'm not one who usually cries dump him, but dump him.

This is a huge lie, and it's not just the lie but he claims to have done it because he felt inferior.

Not good. Break up. Please, Please be safe when you do.

[Anonymous]

If you marry him, you will be in for financial heartaches.

Absolutely postpone the wedding. Looooooooooong ass engagement. Consider strongly just ending it completely. This guy needs help on his own. In therapy.

[Anonymous]

You need to see his credit report ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Did he say where he had gone those times he said he was going to check on a leak the tenant had contacted him about?

What was his plan for when he would have to sell the house and produce the funds from the sale?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he say where he had gone those times he said he was going to check on a leak the tenant had contacted him about?

What was his plan for when he would have to sell the house and produce the funds from the sale? He said that he'd go run errands, or go to the gym. He said he would have had to tell me when we decided that he was selling. He said his worst fear was me finding out.

[Anonymous]

That's a big red flag. I know someone that believes "Ask for forgiveness (if caught), not permission" when it comes to spending money. He also lies about extra hidden loans, etc. It makes one wonder what else he's lying about. Please figure this out before you decide if you should get married.

[Anonymous]

Do you know how much debt he has in credit card debt, student loans, car payments, etc.?

Do you know if he went to the college he claims he attended and if he actually was granted the degree he says he has?

Is his job actually as he describes it to you, or is it possibly less responsible or lower-paid than he has said it is?

Has he ever filed a tax return with false information on it? Does he realize that doing so is breaking the law, or would he say it was just fudging some numbers and "everybody does it...."?

All those things would occur to me after a serious financial lie like the one he told. Love does not necessarily conquer all, OP. Marriage means absolute trust and financial transparency. It also means you could end up responsible for his debts in some cases. I would postpone the wedding and start couples therapy and also get a financial planner to sort out his REAL finances in every aspect. But even then I likely would still say, a marriage might be a bad idea, unless you are up for first making him come clean to a financial adviser AND being the spouse in charge of all finances, purchases and taxes forever.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP - I am so sorry. That is a big lie - a lie that he could have coped to at any time - long before his mother outed him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to see his credit report ASAP.

Agree. If you have the slightest interest in staying with him you need to see his credit reports, bills, checking statements, everything. Spring it on him in the moment so he logs on right there and then, I can undrestand feeling inferior but do not understanding the lying this far in your relationship. You cannot marry this man without knowing every aspect of his finances. (I think that goes for everyone fwiw). Good luck op.

[Anonymous]

You need to get out of this relationship. The ongoing deception problem = huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot marry this person.

+1

[Anonymous]

You don't need to see his credit report or any of that DUMP THIS MAN. Do not waste time playing Inspector Clusoe with him because it doesnt matter. He lied to you about this and told lies to cover up the first lie. Dump. Him. Do not hitch your wagon to this train to hell.

[Anonymous]

End it now. Consider yourself lucky you found out before marriage. You will have dodged a bullet in you end it.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't after this, OP. But I have been through the ringer and I would never continue after this. It wasn't just one lie, but that sounds like a lot of little and medium lies, too. I mean, when we start to plan lives with people, we all have to think about how to deal with the property. You were also thinking you were walking into a marriage that had to deal with owning 2 houses. That's a big deal. Maybe he wouldn't understand that, because he didn't own a house. Also, WTH was he planning to do if you decided to,move in there, or wanted to sell? Of he moved out, was he still going to "fix her leak?"

I am divorced. I rent now. I owned a house with XH. In all honesty, it is easier at this stage if one partner rents and the other one owns. Thinking he told you he owned to snag you, but it really renting would have made moving in with you easier.