Fiancee with moderate income insists on private school for daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for continuing discussion.

Between credit card debt and student loans, she owes 70k. Right now she pays minimal amount on CC, nothing on student loans.

$70 k in debt is somewhat understandable given that it includes SL and she's a single mom. Many in the site cite SL/debt at $150k or higher.

She's raising a child and paying to live in an expensive area for goodness sake!

Once you're married why can't what she pays in rent go towards her debts? Why should her child have to sacrifice her education? Not all FX schools are good.

So you are suggesting that OP covers all living expenses and his fiancé uses what she pays in rent towards her debt and rest of her money towards her DD's private school tuition?

That doesn't sound very fair to OP. At the same time, it isn't uncommon for the male to support the entire family. Blended families complicate matters. I'm a SAHM of 3 kids but they are our biological kids. When we got married, DH paid for all living expenses and I put ALL of my income towards my student loans. We considered it our debt to pay off since everything was joint and family money.

Reread your 2nd paragraph.

Why was that scenario okay for you and fair for your DH but not OP.

Once they marry their money and bills we become joint as well. If he's so concerned about her debt and retirement, he should cover the expenses and let her pay things down. Or just not marry her. Because joining lives is what marriage is all about.

As one pp said, we never know what tomorrow will bring. What if he gets ill or laid off for some reason and she has to take up the slack? Thats marriage! One day you may have to work for the same reason. And it will be possible because you worked as a team beforehand.

because OP is not sending HIS kids to private school, but his fiancee is sending hers. And she's using money she doesn't have to do so. That's the difference.

[Anonymous]

Fiancee doesn't sound very smart.

What her that's a good fit or, only OP knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for continuing discussion.

Between credit card debt and student loans, she owes 70k. Right now she pays minimal amount on CC, nothing on student loans.

$70 k in debt is somewhat understandable given that it includes SL and she's a single mom. Many in the site cite SL/debt at $150k or higher.

She's raising a child and paying to live in an expensive area for goodness sake!

Once you're married why can't what she pays in rent go towards her debts? Why should her child have to sacrifice her education? Not all FX schools are good.

So you are suggesting that OP covers all living expenses and his fiancé uses what she pays in rent towards her debt and rest of her money towards her DD's private school tuition?

That doesn't sound very fair to OP. At the same time, it isn't uncommon for the male to support the entire family. Blended families complicate matters. I'm a SAHM of 3 kids but they are our biological kids. When we got married, DH paid for all living expenses and I put ALL of my income towards my student loans. We considered it our debt to pay off since everything was joint and family money.

Reread your 2nd paragraph.

Why was that scenario okay for you and fair for your DH but not OP.

Once they marry their money and bills we become joint as well. If he's so concerned about her debt and retirement, he should cover the expenses and let her pay things down. Or just not marry her. Because joining lives is what marriage is all about.

As one pp said, we never know what tomorrow will bring. What if he gets ill or laid off for some reason and she has to take up the slack? Thats marriage! One day you may have to work for the same reason. And it will be possible because you worked as a team beforehand.

because OP is not sending HIS kids to private school, but his fiancee is sending hers. And she's using money she doesn't have to do so. That's the difference.

But she obviously DOES have the money. She's able to pay tuition AND her rent. She's made her child's education a priority-as she should. Some Fairfax schools are pretty bad. Some are Title 1. Maybe she's avoiding that for her child. Chances are she's not in McLean and zoned for Longfellow.

OP harps on what he thinks her weaknesses are but will not address why he's unwilling to accept her and create a combined household with shared assets and liabilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for continuing discussion.

Between credit card debt and student loans, she owes 70k. Right now she pays minimal amount on CC, nothing on student loans.

$70 k in debt is somewhat understandable given that it includes SL and she's a single mom. Many in the site cite SL/debt at $150k or higher.

She's raising a child and paying to live in an expensive area for goodness sake!

Once you're married why can't what she pays in rent go towards her debts? Why should her child have to sacrifice her education? Not all FX schools are good.

So you are suggesting that OP covers all living expenses and his fiancé uses what she pays in rent towards her debt and rest of her money towards her DD's private school tuition?

That doesn't sound very fair to OP. At the same time, it isn't uncommon for the male to support the entire family. Blended families complicate matters. I'm a SAHM of 3 kids but they are our biological kids. When we got married, DH paid for all living expenses and I put ALL of my income towards my student loans. We considered it our debt to pay off since everything was joint and family money.

Reread your 2nd paragraph.

Why was that scenario okay for you and fair for your DH but not OP.

Once they marry their money and bills we become joint as well. If he's so concerned about her debt and retirement, he should cover the expenses and let her pay things down. Or just not marry her. Because joining lives is what marriage is all about.

As one pp said, we never know what tomorrow will bring. What if he gets ill or laid off for some reason and she has to take up the slack? Thats marriage! One day you may have to work for the same reason. And it will be possible because you worked as a team beforehand.

because OP is not sending HIS kids to private school, but his fiancee is sending hers. And she's using money she doesn't have to do so. That's the difference.

But she obviously DOES have the money. She's able to pay tuition AND her rent. She's made her child's education a priority-as she should. Some Fairfax schools are pretty bad. Some are Title 1. Maybe she's avoiding that for her child. Chances are she's not in McLean and zoned for Longfellow.

OP harps on what he thinks her weaknesses are but will not address why he's unwilling to accept her and create a combined household with shared assets and liabilities.

OP hasn't said anything about the fiancee paying rent.

She obviously does not have money if she is paying nothing towards her student loans. And she's in her 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reread the OP.

Seems Fiancee is no worse off than any single mom. Actually she may be a bit better off with a contributing dad in the pic.

She earns enough to pay rent in NoVa, cover her basics and send her child to private. Why is OP so focused on retirement? What is she? 60? Her DD is just 7 so she's likely young enough to be able to contribute to retirement in the future-as her income increases and/or DD grows.

I think OP is selfish, doesn't understand what marriage is all about and uses her retirement as a coverup for wanting her to yank her child out of private. Can't make his girls feel less.

She's worse off because her child is going to a private school they can't afford. She's not paying down her debts (according to OP), and she's not saving any money. That's a really unstable financial situation for fiancee AND her child. I'm a single mom so I know how hard it is (we're the least likely demographic to build wealth), but she's gotta look at the numbers and start climbing out of that debt. I have debt (SL, mortgage) but I save for retirement as well. Living within your means is hard, but it must be done. Also, my child is in public school because it would be impossible for me to pay private school tuition - even half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for continuing discussion.

Between credit card debt and student loans, she owes 70k. Right now she pays minimal amount on CC, nothing on student loans.

$70 k in debt is somewhat understandable given that it includes SL and she's a single mom. Many in the site cite SL/debt at $150k or higher.

She's raising a child and paying to live in an expensive area for goodness sake!

Once you're married why can't what she pays in rent go towards her debts? Why should her child have to sacrifice her education? Not all FX schools are good.

So you are suggesting that OP covers all living expenses and his fiancé uses what she pays in rent towards her debt and rest of her money towards her DD's private school tuition?

That doesn't sound very fair to OP. At the same time, it isn't uncommon for the male to support the entire family. Blended families complicate matters. I'm a SAHM of 3 kids but they are our biological kids. When we got married, DH paid for all living expenses and I put ALL of my income towards my student loans. We considered it our debt to pay off since everything was joint and family money.

Reread your 2nd paragraph.

Why was that scenario okay for you and fair for your DH but not OP.

Once they marry their money and bills we become joint as well. If he's so concerned about her debt and retirement, he should cover the expenses and let her pay things down. Or just not marry her. Because joining lives is what marriage is all about.

As one pp said, we never know what tomorrow will bring. What if he gets ill or laid off for some reason and she has to take up the slack? Thats marriage! One day you may have to work for the same reason. And it will be possible because you worked as a team beforehand.

because OP is not sending HIS kids to private school, but his fiancee is sending hers. And she's using money she doesn't have to do so. That's the difference.

But she obviously DOES have the money. She's able to pay tuition AND her rent. She's made her child's education a priority-as she should. Some Fairfax schools are pretty bad. Some are Title 1. Maybe she's avoiding that for her child. Chances are she's not in McLean and zoned for Longfellow.

OP harps on what he thinks her weaknesses are but will not address why he's unwilling to accept her and create a combined household with shared assets and liabilities.

OP hasn't said anything about the fiancee paying rent.

She obviously does not have money if she is paying nothing towards her student loans. And she's in her 30s.

In the 1st post, OP says she pays her rent, the basics and splits tuition. If she's able to pay the tuition without skimping out on the rent and basics, she's not doing thee worst.

I didn't say she was a 1%er. Just that she's able to afford private tuition in addition to living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just reread the OP.

Seems Fiancee is no worse off than any single mom. Actually she may be a bit better off with a contributing dad in the pic.

She earns enough to pay rent in NoVa, cover her basics and send her child to private. Why is OP so focused on retirement? What is she? 60? Her DD is just 7 so she's likely young enough to be able to contribute to retirement in the future-as her income increases and/or DD grows.

I think OP is selfish, doesn't understand what marriage is all about and uses her retirement as a coverup for wanting her to yank her child out of private. Can't make his girls feel less.

She's worse off because her child is going to a private school they can't afford. She's not paying down her debts (according to OP), and she's not saving any money. That's a really unstable financial situation for fiancee AND her child. I'm a single mom so I know how hard it is (we're the least likely demographic to build wealth), but she's gotta look at the numbers and start climbing out of that debt. I have debt (SL, mortgage) but I save for retirement as well. Living within your means is hard, but it must be done. Also, my child is in public school because it would be impossible for me to pay private school tuition - even half.

Well paying half is impossible for you, but it's not for her.

I still don't understand why OP can't imagine himself being ONE with the woman he wants to marry. ONE with her in every way--including the expenses. If he's unwilling to do that, he shouldn't marry her.

[Anonymous]

She's a dumbass on so many counts. The foundation of her stupidity rests on the fact that she's in her 30s, still has student loan debt and doesn't have a high enough income to have squashed that years ago. She layers additional stupidity upon that by sending her kid to a private school she cannot afford.

The OP should head for the hills. I would not marry someone who is such a poor financial manager.

[Anonymous]

OP have you seen her credit report? I suspect she's lowballing her debt.
I can't believe she is not paying off her debt at all and you don't see that as a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for continuing discussion.

Between credit card debt and student loans, she owes 70k. Right now she pays minimal amount on CC, nothing on student loans.

$70 k in debt is somewhat understandable given that it includes SL and she's a single mom. Many in the site cite SL/debt at $150k or higher.

She's raising a child and paying to live in an expensive area for goodness sake!

Once you're married why can't what she pays in rent go towards her debts? Why should her child have to sacrifice her education? Not all FX schools are good.

So you are suggesting that OP covers all living expenses and his fiancé uses what she pays in rent towards her debt and rest of her money towards her DD's private school tuition?

That doesn't sound very fair to OP. At the same time, it isn't uncommon for the male to support the entire family. Blended families complicate matters. I'm a SAHM of 3 kids but they are our biological kids. When we got married, DH paid for all living expenses and I put ALL of my income towards my student loans. We considered it our debt to pay off since everything was joint and family money.

Reread your 2nd paragraph.

Why was that scenario okay for you and fair for your DH but not OP.

Once they marry their money and bills we become joint as well. If he's so concerned about her debt and retirement, he should cover the expenses and let her pay things down. Or just not marry her. Because joining lives is what marriage is all about.

As one pp said, we never know what tomorrow will bring. What if he gets ill or laid off for some reason and she has to take up the slack? Thats marriage! One day you may have to work for the same reason. And it will be possible because you worked as a team beforehand.

because OP is not sending HIS kids to private school, but his fiancee is sending hers. And she's using money she doesn't have to do so. That's the difference.

But she obviously DOES have the money. She's able to pay tuition AND her rent. She's made her child's education a priority-as she should. Some Fairfax schools are pretty bad. Some are Title 1. Maybe she's avoiding that for her child. Chances are she's not in McLean and zoned for Longfellow.

OP harps on what he thinks her weaknesses are but will not address why he's unwilling to accept her and create a combined household with shared assets and liabilities.

OP hasn't said anything about the fiancee paying rent.

She obviously does not have money if she is paying nothing towards her student loans. And she's in her 30s.

In the 1st post, OP says she pays her rent, the basics and splits tuition. If she's able to pay the tuition without skimping out on the rent and basics, she's not doing thee worst.

I didn't say she was a 1%er. Just that she's able to afford private tuition in addition to living expenses.

She's in her 30s, pays the minimum payment on her credit card and pays $0 toward her student loans. It's fair to say that she's not "doing the worst." But she isn't responsible either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for continuing discussion.

Between credit card debt and student loans, she owes 70k. Right now she pays minimal amount on CC, nothing on student loans.

$70 k in debt is somewhat understandable given that it includes SL and she's a single mom. Many in the site cite SL/debt at $150k or higher.

She's raising a child and paying to live in an expensive area for goodness sake!

Once you're married why can't what she pays in rent go towards her debts? Why should her child have to sacrifice her education? Not all FX schools are good.

So you are suggesting that OP covers all living expenses and his fiancé uses what she pays in rent towards her debt and rest of her money towards her DD's private school tuition?

That doesn't sound very fair to OP. At the same time, it isn't uncommon for the male to support the entire family. Blended families complicate matters. I'm a SAHM of 3 kids but they are our biological kids. When we got married, DH paid for all living expenses and I put ALL of my income towards my student loans. We considered it our debt to pay off since everything was joint and family money.

Reread your 2nd paragraph.

Why was that scenario okay for you and fair for your DH but not OP.

Once they marry their money and bills we become joint as well. If he's so concerned about her debt and retirement, he should cover the expenses and let her pay things down. Or just not marry her. Because joining lives is what marriage is all about.

As one pp said, we never know what tomorrow will bring. What if he gets ill or laid off for some reason and she has to take up the slack? Thats marriage! One day you may have to work for the same reason. And it will be possible because you worked as a team beforehand.

because OP is not sending HIS kids to private school, but his fiancee is sending hers. And she's using money she doesn't have to do so. That's the difference.

But she obviously DOES have the money. She's able to pay tuition AND her rent. She's made her child's education a priority-as she should. Some Fairfax schools are pretty bad. Some are Title 1. Maybe she's avoiding that for her child. Chances are she's not in McLean and zoned for Longfellow.

OP harps on what he thinks her weaknesses are but will not address why he's unwilling to accept her and create a combined household with shared assets and liabilities.

OP hasn't said anything about the fiancee paying rent.

She obviously does not have money if she is paying nothing towards her student loans. And she's in her 30s.

In the 1st post, OP says she pays her rent, the basics and splits tuition. If she's able to pay the tuition without skimping out on the rent and basics, she's not doing thee worst.

I didn't say she was a 1%er. Just that she's able to afford private tuition in addition to living expenses.

She's in her 30s, pays the minimum payment on her credit card and pays $0 toward her student loans. It's fair to say that she's not "doing the worst." But she isn't responsible either.

^^ she isn't a crack whore, but she doesn't have her life together either.

[Anonymous]

I actually wonder how accurate OP's depiction of her financial situation is.

And what are his finances like that he's so dependent on the contributions of a single mother?

Most men would take care of the household expenses and let her pay down her debt/child's tuition and view her money as 'piddly' play type money.

What's HIS deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually wonder how accurate OP's depiction of her financial situation is.

And what are his finances like that he's so dependent on the contributions of a single mother?

Most men would take care of the household expenses and let her pay down her debt/child's tuition and view her money as 'piddly' play type money.

What's HIS deal?

What is wrong with you? The OP has kids of his own. Maybe if he wants to pay for a partner he doesn't need one with baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually wonder how accurate OP's depiction of her financial situation is.

And what are his finances like that he's so dependent on the contributions of a single mother?

Most men would take care of the household expenses and let her pay down her debt/child's tuition and view her money as 'piddly' play type money.

What's HIS deal?

What is wrong with you? The OP has kids of his own. Maybe if he wants to pay for a partner he doesn't need one with baggage.

Agreed! Maybe he should just find a partner with no baggage. But then again, why would such a person want HIM? He has two times the baggage fiancee does. Marriage means commitment. If he's not willing to commit he needs to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's a dumbass on so many counts. The foundation of her stupidity rests on the fact that she's in her 30s, still has student loan debt and doesn't have a high enough income to have squashed that years ago. She layers additional stupidity upon that by sending her kid to a private school she cannot afford.

The OP should head for the hills. I would not marry someone who is such a poor financial manager.

+1.