Fiancee with moderate income insists on private school for daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

Your last paragraph is really the crux of the matter here and should be discussed, and I would go with a PP who mentioned having a 3rd party financial planner involved.
I would not make going to the financial planner just about this, but rather a general "I made an appt with a financial planner for us to help navigate how we are going to join expenses and make the best choices for our amazing future" kind of thing, and then let the planner lay out what impact that will have.
You will then have numbers to show her after the appointment about what it really looks like and what effect it is having on your joint lives.
Good luck OP, this is a tough one

I'm going to disagree a bit - I think the financial planning is secondary to the issue in the second paragraph that apparently the fiancee sees nothing abnormal about her DD and the OP's two children being treated disparately. This is not a family in the making.

NP here. OP said that he does NOT want his kids to think they are being treated "less than". He see's that as an issue.

I think OP that you need to get to a place where you are comfortable with the finances before you set a wedding date. I would do some pre-marriage counseling (many couples do it, its a great idea when both people have kids, and it will help you communicate effectively about more than just money), and then follow that up with some financial counseling and planning for how much money you want to have when you retire, when you want to retire, and what needs to happen between now and then to make it happen.

It's really hard to be a single parent and save money. I know because I'm doing it. I'm putting as much money as I can toward retirement and college, I'm starting to look into my investment options, and I feel like I'm constantly juggling how to make everything work. It's really hard, and I recently took a class through my job that taught me about different investment options, and how to plan for retirement. Granted, I could never afford private school, so my kid is in a DC charter school, but saving enough is hard (and I bought a house - also hard).

Read what I wrote "fiancee", i.e, the woman. He, OP gets it. His fiancee does not and will not get it. She's not getting that by tying up her income that impacts their collective future. These two should not marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

Oh hello fiancee.

Female here, and I'm with OP. Don't marry her. She seems selfish and it does sound like she will be taking from your kids to give her kid what she can't afford. Given her financial situation, her plan is ridiculous.

I repeat - DO NOT MARRY HER. There are plenty of nice women in DC who have their shit together. Of course, there are plenty of those who also do not, and it sounds like you have one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

wow, you're thick. Let me spell this out for you. (and p.s. I'm not OP)

Because fiancee insists on paying for private school tuition she can't afford, she has less to contribute to the household and retirement. OP would have to step up, which means that there may be less money for college tuition for HIS kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

wow, you're thick. Let me spell this out for you. (and p.s. I'm not OP)

Because fiancee insists on paying for private school tuition she can't afford, she has less to contribute to the household and retirement. OP would have to step up, which means that there may be less money for college tuition for HIS kids.

And to start with, they will need to pay off all her student loans and other debt to get out of the red.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

wow, you're thick. Let me spell this out for you. (and p.s. I'm not OP)

Because fiancee insists on paying for private school tuition she can't afford, she has less to contribute to the household and retirement. OP would have to step up, which means that there may be less money for college tuition for HIS kids.

In what way would he have to step up that would take oh so much away from his kids????

How would you feel if someone said "Let's get married. But uh you need to take your child out of private. That's our money now"? What's wrong with OP stepping up? If he can't afford a wife and stepchild without having to depend on her pennies, he shouldn't get married. To anyone.

He's insulting her finances but she seems to be doing pretty good. She's living independently AND sending her child to private.

This is really not about her irresponsibility but his need to have a 2nd income and live comfortably off of someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

Oh hello fiancee.

Female here, and I'm with OP. Don't marry her. She seems selfish and it does sound like she will be taking from your kids to give her kid what she can't afford. Given her financial situation, her plan is ridiculous.

I repeat - DO NOT MARRY HER. There are plenty of nice women in DC who have their shit together. Of course, there are plenty of those who also do not, and it sounds like you have one of them.

The typical jealous woman who hates the idea of a female being provided for. You don't have the looks, body and personality to attract a man to take care of you so begrudge the woman who does. You had to work hard and struggle so every woman should huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

wow, you're thick. Let me spell this out for you. (and p.s. I'm not OP)

Because fiancee insists on paying for private school tuition she can't afford, she has less to contribute to the household and retirement. OP would have to step up, which means that there may be less money for college tuition for HIS kids.

In what way would he have to step up that would take oh so much away from his kids????

How would you feel if someone said "Let's get married. But uh you need to take your child out of private. That's our money now"? What's wrong with OP stepping up? If he can't afford a wife and stepchild without having to depend on her pennies, he shouldn't get married. To anyone.

He's insulting her finances but she seems to be doing pretty good. She's living independently AND sending her child to private.

This is really not about her irresponsibility but his need to have a 2nd income and live comfortably off of someone else.

NP here but think of it this way. Let's say they each make $100K per year. So, by himself, OP is saving X for retirement, Y divided by 2 for his two kids' college funds. Fiance is covering her monthly bills, paying down student loans and spending Z on private school tuition. Per the OP, she is not saving any money for retirement or her kids college.

If they get married, they have $200K combined income. OP will still be saving X for retirement and Y divided by 4 to save for all of the kids' college funds equally. Fiance is still covering her monthly bills, paying down student loans and spending Z on private school tuition. The only extra money available is the various efficiencies created by two families in one house instead of maintaining two separate households.

[Anonymous]

^^^
What monthly expenses would Fiancee be paying? Wouldn't they be for the shared household?

How/Why does OP's salary automatically get split into 4 in your scenario?

If Fiancee can pay for private BEFORE marriage, why not after?

Seems like OP resents the private thing because he cant afford it for his girls.

Why doesnt anyone answer how YOU would feel as the girl's father OR the mother?

Stepchild's standard of living should not go down because of this marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^
What monthly expenses would Fiancee be paying? Wouldn't they be for the shared household?

How/Why does OP's salary automatically get split into 4 in your scenario?

If Fiancee can pay for private BEFORE marriage, why not after?

Seems like OP resents the private thing because he cant afford it for his girls.

Why doesnt anyone answer how YOU would feel as the girl's father OR the mother?

Stepchild's standard of living should not go down because of this marriage.

My point is there are fixed monthly expenses (food, clothing) that are there regardless of whether the money is pooled or not. Other expenses will decrease a little (rent/mortgage) although they will probably need a larger house to accommodate more people so that expense is reduced but not by half when they move in together. That will provide a little extra money but probably not enough to adequately fund fiancé's retirement.

OP's salary isn't split into four, OP's contribution to the college fund is split into four. Like I said, this assumes OP is contributing equally to all four kids' college funds. Otherwise, there will be no contributions for the fiancé's kids (which it appears to be the case now).

If I was the girls' parent I wouldn't be paying for private school if I lived in an excellent school district unless I was fully funding my retirement or unless there was a special need.

[Anonymous]

But the parents ARE paying for private. That shouldn't change because OP wants the benefits of marriage without the sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to hijack this thread too far, but what's the big deal with having student loan debt in your 30s? My spouse racked up 200K in law school debt, graduated at 25, and at 38 still carries about 50K which is at very low interest. We're much more concerned with saving money for a house and retirement at this point. Not everyone makes bank immediately and in a sustained fashion.

Now if you had 60K of undergraduate debt that you carried around for 20 years, that may be more concerning...

[Anonymous]

Just reread the OP.

Seems Fiancee is no worse off than any single mom. Actually she may be a bit better off with a contributing dad in the pic.

She earns enough to pay rent in NoVa, cover her basics and send her child to private. Why is OP so focused on retirement? What is she? 60? Her DD is just 7 so she's likely young enough to be able to contribute to retirement in the future-as her income increases and/or DD grows.

I think OP is selfish, doesn't understand what marriage is all about and uses her retirement as a coverup for wanting her to yank her child out of private. Can't make his girls feel less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

Oh hello fiancee.

Female here, and I'm with OP. Don't marry her. She seems selfish and it does sound like she will be taking from your kids to give her kid what she can't afford. Given her financial situation, her plan is ridiculous.

I repeat - DO NOT MARRY HER. There are plenty of nice women in DC who have their shit together. Of course, there are plenty of those who also do not, and it sounds like you have one of them.

The typical jealous woman who hates the idea of a female being provided for. You don't have the looks, body and personality to attract a man to take care of you so begrudge the woman who does. You had to work hard and struggle so every woman should huh?

Ha. I married a hot trust fund baby, and I have the body of a 22 year old. You don't know me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the insights, they are appreciated, even the ones that chewed me out.

What is resonating most for me is, I don't want my kids to feel like less-than, that they are going to a lesser school, esp when I pay a premium to live in a neighborhood with excellent, well-regarded schools.

It also bothers me that much of her income - that should go towards our long-term goals like retirement and college for the kids - will be diverted for that purpose, and I will end up paying a disproportionate amount for the bills so she can do that.

You seem very focused on her income versus your income. Be a team. Not everything is going to be equal with your finances. You're going to pay for things that you don't want to and vice versa. You could get sick and have to retire early and she could end up supporting you.

You need to work on being a team and not viewing things as your money or hers. You also need to show her the numbers of how much will be spent on this school and why it is a problem for your budget. Don't make it about your money versus hers. The issue is that you're in this together and the school isn't something you can afford.

I agree with this.

OP, if your children are in a good school system they should not feel less than simply because her child is going private. Fairfax is a great system! You and your children should also understand that the child is able to go private because of the contribution her father is making.

And yeah, the crux of it all seems to be that "her" money is being diverted towards private and that your money will allow that to happen. As the pp said, stop thinking in terms of her money vs. yours. If you want to marry her, you need to go ALL IN and stop with the "50/50" stuff.

On the other hand, if that is going to be a real issue for you, reconsider. the money thing breaks up marriages like nothing else. Then you'll be paying for a costly divorce and have your family torn apart.

Except that's not really true. As a result of the private school there will be less money available for OP's children for college (presuming that OP and new DW will be contributing equally to the college funds for all of the children).

Why? If Fiancee and her ex are paying for private--as they are currently doing, what has that to do with his children's college fund? OP sounds like a miser who will make sure HER money only goes to HER kid's college fund while HIS goes to his kids.

He doesn't want his children feeling less than but he also shouldn't want step child's life to become less because Mommy married miser.

OP would be ready to KILL if his kids were in private--with his help--and their mother said "No more! Now that I'm married, DH wants me to put more money towards our marital home."

He sounds like a selfish butthole.

Oh hello fiancee.

Female here, and I'm with OP. Don't marry her. She seems selfish and it does sound like she will be taking from your kids to give her kid what she can't afford. Given her financial situation, her plan is ridiculous.

I repeat - DO NOT MARRY HER. There are plenty of nice women in DC who have their shit together. Of course, there are plenty of those who also do not, and it sounds like you have one of them.

The typical jealous woman who hates the idea of a female being provided for. You don't have the looks, body and personality to attract a man to take care of you so begrudge the woman who does. You had to work hard and struggle so every woman should huh?

Ha. I married a hot trust fund baby, and I have the body of a 22 year old. You don't know me at all.

Yeah. And I'm Melania Trump.

But for some reason I have a problem with another woman marrying semi-ok---Said no trophy wife ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reread the OP.

Seems Fiancee is no worse off than any single mom. Actually she may be a bit better off with a contributing dad in the pic.

She earns enough to pay rent in NoVa, cover her basics and send her child to private. Why is OP so focused on retirement? What is she? 60? Her DD is just 7 so she's likely young enough to be able to contribute to retirement in the future-as her income increases and/or DD grows.

I think OP is selfish, doesn't understand what marriage is all about and uses her retirement as a coverup for wanting her to yank her child out of private. Can't make his girls feel less.

I think you skipped the part about all of her student loans and cc debt. That it would take her at least five years to pay off if she had no tuition to pay.