Fiancee with moderate income insists on private school for daughter

[Anonymous]

My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry her and combine assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry her and combine assets.

Can a person like this be saved??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry her and combine assets.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

If she didn't marry you - what was the plan she had? Just wing it?

Does she stand to increase her income in the coming years? How old will she be when child is out of private and college? Young enough to contribute a lot at that time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

Her plan is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

If she didn't marry you - what was the plan she had? Just wing it?

Does she stand to increase her income in the coming years? How old will she be when child is out of private and college? Young enough to contribute a lot at that time?

She is newly divorced. To her credit, she no longer uses a credit card and is making a dent in the small amount of cc debt she had (it was due to fertility treatments). She then plans to tackle the student debt. If she didn't have the private school tuition she could probably eliminate all cc debt and student loans on her own in about five years.

She is in her late 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

Her plan is you.

Except that it would be a mistake on her part, I'm not rich either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

1. I can't fault your fiancee for wanting the best for her daughter, especially following a divorce. (She ought, however, look at financial aid options--she may qualify). We live in an area with allegedly excellent public schools and have been sorely disappointed in the quality of education.

2. You express no concern whatsoever for your soon-to-be-stepdaughter's well-being.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee about financial expectations, division of assets/income, etc. It certainly doesn't sound like you've done so.

4. In short, this is your collective problem, not just "her" problem. You're not treating it as such.

[Anonymous]

Her plan is to get married.

[Anonymous]

STUPID

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

1. I can't fault your fiancee for wanting the best for her daughter, especially following a divorce. (She ought, however, look at financial aid options--she may qualify). We live in an area with allegedly excellent public schools and have been sorely disappointed in the quality of education.

2. You express no concern whatsoever for your soon-to-be-stepdaughter's well-being.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee about financial expectations, division of assets/income, etc. It certainly doesn't sound like you've done so.

4. In short, this is your collective problem, not just "her" problem. You're not treating it as such.

This is not a prestigious school - just expensive. The public schools in her area have an excellent reputation and she would be going to school with friends in her neighborhood as opposed to the long drive to the private school. If they go for private later, I think they get much more bang for the buck in middle/high school, where colleges would care about the brand name.

I care very much for the step-daughter's well-being - I just don't think my fiancee should sacrifice her retirement and financial future for this.

You're correct that we need to have a talk. What I was hoping to gain on this board is some opinions about how to open up that dialogue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

1. I can't fault your fiancee for wanting the best for her daughter, especially following a divorce. (She ought, however, look at financial aid options--she may qualify). We live in an area with allegedly excellent public schools and have been sorely disappointed in the quality of education.

2. You express no concern whatsoever for your soon-to-be-stepdaughter's well-being.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee about financial expectations, division of assets/income, etc. It certainly doesn't sound like you've done so.

4. In short, this is your collective problem, not just "her" problem. You're not treating it as such.

This is not a prestigious school - just expensive. The public schools in her area have an excellent reputation and she would be going to school with friends in her neighborhood as opposed to the long drive to the private school. If they go for private later, I think they get much more bang for the buck in middle/high school, where colleges would care about the brand name.

I care very much for the step-daughter's well-being - I just don't think my fiancee should sacrifice her retirement and financial future for this.

You're correct that we need to have a talk. What I was hoping to gain on this board is some opinions about how to open up that dialogue.

Nice. I pretty much agree with all of your points. Maybe you can get the fiancee to tour the local schools? See if any have programs the daughter would be interested in - a great soccer team, a strong debate school, next door to a riding school, whatever floats her boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

1. I can't fault your fiancee for wanting the best for her daughter, especially following a divorce. (She ought, however, look at financial aid options--she may qualify). We live in an area with allegedly excellent public schools and have been sorely disappointed in the quality of education.

2. You express no concern whatsoever for your soon-to-be-stepdaughter's well-being.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee about financial expectations, division of assets/income, etc. It certainly doesn't sound like you've done so.

4. In short, this is your collective problem, not just "her" problem. You're not treating it as such.

This is not a prestigious school - just expensive. The public schools in her area have an excellent reputation and she would be going to school with friends in her neighborhood as opposed to the long drive to the private school. If they go for private later, I think they get much more bang for the buck in middle/high school, where colleges would care about the brand name.

I care very much for the step-daughter's well-being - I just don't think my fiancee should sacrifice her retirement and financial future for this.

You're correct that we need to have a talk. What I was hoping to gain on this board is some opinions about how to open up that dialogue.

Nice. I pretty much agree with all of your points. Maybe you can get the fiancee to tour the local schools? See if any have programs the daughter would be interested in - a great soccer team, a strong debate school, next door to a riding school, whatever floats her boat.

OP, what public schools are you pushing her to consider?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

1. I can't fault your fiancee for wanting the best for her daughter, especially following a divorce. (She ought, however, look at financial aid options--she may qualify). We live in an area with allegedly excellent public schools and have been sorely disappointed in the quality of education.

2. You express no concern whatsoever for your soon-to-be-stepdaughter's well-being.

3. You need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee about financial expectations, division of assets/income, etc. It certainly doesn't sound like you've done so.

4. In short, this is your collective problem, not just "her" problem. You're not treating it as such.

This is not a prestigious school - just expensive. The public schools in her area have an excellent reputation and she would be going to school with friends in her neighborhood as opposed to the long drive to the private school. If they go for private later, I think they get much more bang for the buck in middle/high school, where colleges would care about the brand name.

I care very much for the step-daughter's well-being - I just don't think my fiancee should sacrifice her retirement and financial future for this.

You're correct that we need to have a talk. What I was hoping to gain on this board is some opinions about how to open up that dialogue.

Nice. I pretty much agree with all of your points. Maybe you can get the fiancee to tour the local schools? See if any have programs the daughter would be interested in - a great soccer team, a strong debate school, next door to a riding school, whatever floats her boat.

OP, what public schools are you pushing her to consider?

Close-in Fairfax County