Who should pay for a date?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should stick to drinks or coffee first before going out on a dinner date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this conversation is pathetic. Women have fought for years for equal rights including equal pay. Many women on this board complain about how men expect sex. It's hypocritical for women to expect men to pay for all dates or even all first dates. I'm in my mid 40's and have been dating post divorce for almost two years. On a first date I always offer to split it. If I like him and plan to go out with him again I'll let him pay if he offers. But I will then pick up the tab for the 2nd date. A few men I've dated insisted on always paying which I actually did not appreciate and for these men it generally turned out that their income or wealth was all they were bringing to the table. If I want to earn as much as a man for equal work, I should be willing to share the cost of dating.

My bf was like you. She ended up with a husband she pretty much supported down the road. Same ideals, red flags were all there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I strongly believe the man should pay for the first few dates. I always offer to pay half regardless of my expectation, but no one has ever allowed me to do so. After the first few dates, both should be paying. It is kind of ridiculous to always expect the guy to pay for everything, especially if you both are hardworking adults. The men I dated and been in relationships with have always noted they respected me moe for picking up tabs on subsequent dates.

You contractor yourself! If men are paying for the first few dates, that can add up quite a bit. If you go out with a lot of different men just 2 or 3 times, you are getting a lot of free meals. Equal pay, equal pay!

I didn't contradict myself. His paying means to me he is interested and can provide. And who said anything about free meals? I said I always offer to pay for half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I strongly believe the man should pay for the first few dates. I always offer to pay half regardless of my expectation, but no one has ever allowed me to do so. After the first few dates, both should be paying. It is kind of ridiculous to always expect the guy to pay for everything, especially if you both are hardworking adults. The men I dated and been in relationships with have always noted they respected me moe for picking up tabs on subsequent dates.

You contractor yourself! If men are paying for the first few dates, that can add up quite a bit. If you go out with a lot of different men just 2 or 3 times, you are getting a lot of free meals. Equal pay, equal pay!

This "free meal" thing is really bizarre. I don't know anyone who dates specifically for the food.

Ha ha! Before I was married I never went on dates for free food. You did remind me, however, that I once had a 6-month relationship with a guy where we both knew we were incompatible in the long run. Our relationship was pretty much all about him taking me out to expensive, wine-soaked dinners at fancy restaurants, which was something we both really enjoyed. He did get a lot of excellent sex out of the deal so he wasn't complaining. But 6 months is about as long as a relationship based on free meals can last, no matter how good the sex is!

[Anonymous]

A number of you are confusing being a good host with equal rights in the workplace, which are really quite distinct topics. But what's more amusing is that for many high paying jobs being a good host is the key to success. Guess OP isn't all that, after all, given his terrible attitude.

[Anonymous]

What you free meal whores don't understand that you are Joe B, my client who is about to give me that big deal to work on. Tools!

[Anonymous]

My God. I'm glad that I met and married my DH when were young. I'm 38 now.

I dated from ages 15-23 --- and never paid for a single date. Not a single one - not drinks, not coffee. Met my DH at 23 in law school. My DH - a poor student, then - paid for every single date until we married. Paid for our vacations (Thailand, Mexico, Europe). He was and continues to be awesome.

I stayed at home for 5 years to raise our kiddos and then promptly went back to work (we're both high-paid lawyers). But NEVER has never complained to commented about bearing the larger earner role.

Reading these threads makes me sad for all these women with loser, "b" men. My man is an alpha. Has been since he was young. Never has breathed a word about being a provider.

Mind you -- I earn a good amount as well (and have the more prestigious position) -- but he's the main earner. Always has been. Never complained during my 5 years when I did nothing but raise our babies.

I always warn women to watch out for those cheapskates trying to pawn off a coffee date on you at date one. I would merger (repeat never) go out on a second date with such a B loser. Hot damn.

It's not about feminism. Shoot -- I'm a bad ass -- it's about self-respect. Any man wanting to spend time with me will WANT to pay.

What a ton of losers on this board. So sad for the women of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God. I'm glad that I met and married my DH when were young. I'm 38 now.

I dated from ages 15-23 --- and never paid for a single date. Not a single one - not drinks, not coffee. Met my DH at 23 in law school. My DH - a poor student, then - paid for every single date until we married. Paid for our vacations (Thailand, Mexico, Europe). He was and continues to be awesome.

I stayed at home for 5 years to raise our kiddos and then promptly went back to work (we're both high-paid lawyers). But NEVER has never complained to commented about bearing the larger earner role.

Reading these threads makes me sad for all these women with loser, "b" men. My man is an alpha. Has been since he was young. Never has breathed a word about being a provider.

Mind you -- I earn a good amount as well (and have the more prestigious position) -- but he's the main earner. Always has been. Never complained during my 5 years when I did nothing but raise our babies.

I always warn women to watch out for those cheapskates trying to pawn off a coffee date on you at date one. I would merger (repeat never) go out on a second date with such a B loser. Hot damn.

It's not about feminism. Shoot -- I'm a bad ass -- it's about self-respect. Any man wanting to spend time with me will WANT to pay.

What a ton of losers on this board. So sad for the women of DCUM.

+1

[Anonymous]

So you're a sucker...

Have fun getting treated like garbage

Why bless your heart! You are showing such concern over an stranger on the internet. Fear not, I pick friends who are not dead beats. Shocking I know to cynical people but, I treat people well and get treated VERY well by my friends and strangers! Imagine that. If they happen to show their true colors than bye-bye! I do not hang around them. So, who is being treated like garbage...me or you?

Have a lovely evening!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My God. I'm glad that I met and married my DH when were young. I'm 38 now.

I dated from ages 15-23 --- and never paid for a single date. Not a single one - not drinks, not coffee. Met my DH at 23 in law school. My DH - a poor student, then - paid for every single date until we married. Paid for our vacations (Thailand, Mexico, Europe). He was and continues to be awesome.

I stayed at home for 5 years to raise our kiddos and then promptly went back to work (we're both high-paid lawyers). But NEVER has never complained to commented about bearing the larger earner role.

Reading these threads makes me sad for all these women with loser, "b" men. My man is an alpha. Has been since he was young. Never has breathed a word about being a provider.

Mind you -- I earn a good amount as well (and have the more prestigious position) -- but he's the main earner. Always has been. Never complained during my 5 years when I did nothing but raise our babies.

I always warn women to watch out for those cheapskates trying to pawn off a coffee date on you at date one. I would merger (repeat never) go out on a second date with such a B loser. Hot damn.

It's not about feminism. Shoot -- I'm a bad ass -- it's about self-respect. Any man wanting to spend time with me will WANT to pay.

What a ton of losers on this board. So sad for the women of DCUM.

+1

[phone]
6 years in and I've never paid for anything.

[Anonymous]

I've done a lot of online dating over the past 5 years. When the bill comes, I usually ask if I can contribute. Some men will say yes, most men will say no, some men will ask me to leave the tip. If things progress to a second date and they paid the first time, I usually offer to pay the whole bill.

My preference, however, is for the man to pay for a couple reasons. First, I think it does show good manners and generosity. I admire both of those qualities in a man. Secondly, I'm a single mom with full custody and am usually paying a babysitter. Often my out of pocket expenses end up being larger than the dinner tab. Some men recognize this and insist that I not pay for dinner after paying for a babysitter. I appreciate this thoughtfulness. Third, it's just seems like the manly thing to do and I'm attracted to that. Yes, I care about equal rights, but I also believe in some sort of differences in the genders. Just as I appreciate a man who will help with things like taking out the garbage, cutting the grass, etc.

These are my preferences and I gravitate towards men who offer to pay most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've done a lot of online dating over the past 5 years. When the bill comes, I usually ask if I can contribute. Some men will say yes, most men will say no, some men will ask me to leave the tip. If things progress to a second date and they paid the first time, I usually offer to pay the whole bill.

My preference, however, is for the man to pay for a couple reasons. First, I think it does show good manners and generosity. I admire both of those qualities in a man. Secondly, I'm a single mom with full custody and am usually paying a babysitter. Often my out of pocket expenses end up being larger than the dinner tab. Some men recognize this and insist that I not pay for dinner after paying for a babysitter. I appreciate this thoughtfulness. Third, it's just seems like the manly thing to do and I'm attracted to that. Yes, I care about equal rights, but I also believe in some sort of differences in the genders. Just as I appreciate a man who will help with things like taking out the garbage, cutting the grass, etc.

These are my preferences and I gravitate towards men who offer to pay most of the time.

So you're a hypocrite AND a whore. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God. I'm glad that I met and married my DH when were young. I'm 38 now.

I dated from ages 15-23 --- and never paid for a single date. Not a single one - not drinks, not coffee. Met my DH at 23 in law school. My DH - a poor student, then - paid for every single date until we married. Paid for our vacations (Thailand, Mexico, Europe). He was and continues to be awesome.

I stayed at home for 5 years to raise our kiddos and then promptly went back to work (we're both high-paid lawyers). But NEVER has never complained to commented about bearing the larger earner role.

Reading these threads makes me sad for all these women with loser, "b" men. My man is an alpha. Has been since he was young. Never has breathed a word about being a provider.

Mind you -- I earn a good amount as well (and have the more prestigious position) -- but he's the main earner. Always has been. Never complained during my 5 years when I did nothing but raise our babies.

I always warn women to watch out for those cheapskates trying to pawn off a coffee date on you at date one. I would merger (repeat never) go out on a second date with such a B loser. Hot damn.

It's not about feminism. Shoot -- I'm a bad ass -- it's about self-respect. Any man wanting to spend time with me will WANT to pay.

What a ton of losers on this board. So sad for the women of DCUM.

So pathetic you derive your value from extracting money from men. Take your self respect and shove it up your rear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done a lot of online dating over the past 5 years. When the bill comes, I usually ask if I can contribute. Some men will say yes, most men will say no, some men will ask me to leave the tip. If things progress to a second date and they paid the first time, I usually offer to pay the whole bill.

My preference, however, is for the man to pay for a couple reasons. First, I think it does show good manners and generosity. I admire both of those qualities in a man. Secondly, I'm a single mom with full custody and am usually paying a babysitter. Often my out of pocket expenses end up being larger than the dinner tab. Some men recognize this and insist that I not pay for dinner after paying for a babysitter. I appreciate this thoughtfulness. Third, it's just seems like the manly thing to do and I'm attracted to that. Yes, I care about equal rights, but I also believe in some sort of differences in the genders. Just as I appreciate a man who will help with things like taking out the garbage, cutting the grass, etc.

These are my preferences and I gravitate towards men who offer to pay most of the time.

So you're a hypocrite AND a whore. Got it.

Um, not sure you're reading the same post I am, PP. There's nothing that indicates hypocrisy or whoredom in this post. Bitter much?

[Anonymous]

The dude. Period.

I say this as a lesbian.