Sister is infertile/I have 3 kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read this whole thread, so don't know if someone else suggested this, but you should read "What Alice Forgot." It's a fun beach read, but it is also one of the best depictions of what it's like to be infertile that I have ever read.

+a very sincere 1. I was having trouble getting pregnant when I read this and it made me feel like someone understood.

OP your sister is going through something horrible. You don't understand because it's been easy for you but infertility makes people insane. You feel like a failure and it's a constant and repeating cycle of hope, pain and failure, over and over. It's so grueling.

Your sister shouldn't have screamed at you (but the fact that you're more concerned about your in laws witnessing this then your sisters raw pain says something). You should have as many children as you want. You have no obligation to your sister for anything. But you seem to not even care about what she's going through. If you don't care about her suffering and you make no effort to try to help her (surrogacy, researching adoption, being generally compassionate) then you will likely (rightly) not have a relationship with her any longer.

The fact that it never even occurred to you and you have such distaste for surrogacy is what people are reacting to. If I spent a decade watching a sibling go through something painful and knew there was something I could do I would l, at least, have thought of and considered it. And the idea that you think such an unbelievably kind and generous act would be a poor lesson for your children...so weird and cold.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

I would love to her her sister's side of the story!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to wonder if OP is the one spewing "go back to your holes, infertiles!" - she clearly didn't come here for any advice other than "rock on, your sister's a b".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read this whole thread, so don't know if someone else suggested this, but you should read "What Alice Forgot." It's a fun beach read, but it is also one of the best depictions of what it's like to be infertile that I have ever read.

+a very sincere 1. I was having trouble getting pregnant when I read this and it made me feel like someone understood.

OP your sister is going through something horrible. You don't understand because it's been easy for you but infertility makes people insane. You feel like a failure and it's a constant and repeating cycle of hope, pain and failure, over and over. It's so grueling.

Your sister shouldn't have screamed at you (but the fact that you're more concerned about your in laws witnessing this then your sisters raw pain says something). You should have as many children as you want. You have no obligation to your sister for anything. But you seem to not even care about what she's going through. If you don't care about her suffering and you make no effort to try to help her (surrogacy, researching adoption, being generally compassionate) then you will likely (rightly) not have a relationship with her any longer.

The fact that it never even occurred to you and you have such distaste for surrogacy is what people are reacting to. If I spent a decade watching a sibling go through something painful and knew there was something I could do I would l, at least, have thought of and considered it. And the idea that you think such an unbelievably kind and generous act would be a poor lesson for your children...so weird and cold.

+1 to this. I watched my SIL go through infertility in her early 30s, and it was awful. I knew how much it hurt her to see me with 2 kids and she couldn't have one. And I certainly wasn't the most gracious around her - I'm sure I vented about my kids in front of her - but I also was sure to ask how she was doing as well. Before she went through IVF I offered to be a surrogate/donor for her if it came to that. Why wouldn't I? I'm done having kids and she desperately wanted one. (As it turned out, IVF was successful and I'm now an aunt!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is the one spewing "go back to your holes, infertiles!" - she clearly didn't come here for any advice other than "rock on, your sister's a b".

You are right. I think.
She wanted to "win" and she wanted people to bash her sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is the one spewing "go back to your holes, infertiles!" - she clearly didn't come here for any advice other than "rock on, your sister's a b".

You really think only OP can find the insistence that she rent out her womb crazy? Have you even considered that some people have moral, religious, and cultural objections to surrogacy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

Agreed. I would help my sister pay for IF treatment, but I would never be a surrogate. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

Ok different scenario. Your sibling needs a liver. You wouldn't even think to CONSIDER it? I'm really glad I'm not some of you pp's family. I'd take a bullet for my siblings. And if one of them was suffering I would be actively searching out ways to help them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

You don't think that the sister has done IVF?
And OP should consider only AFTER her own family is complete, which I said upthread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is the one spewing "go back to your holes, infertiles!" - she clearly didn't come here for any advice other than "rock on, your sister's a b".

You really think only OP can find the insistence that she rent out her womb crazy? Have you even considered that some people have moral, religious, and cultural objections to surrogacy?

Not OPs issue though. She dismissed it saying it would be too sad for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is the one spewing "go back to your holes, infertiles!" - she clearly didn't come here for any advice other than "rock on, your sister's a b".

You really think only OP can find the insistence that she rent out her womb crazy? Have you even considered that some people have moral, religious, and cultural objections to surrogacy?

It's not an insistence that she do it. It's thinking that a sister who isn't even looking at/considering ways (financial/physical/emotional/whatever) to help her sister after watching her suffer for a decade doesn't deserve a whole heck of a lot of sympathy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

Ok different scenario. Your sibling needs a liver. You wouldn't even think to CONSIDER it? I'm really glad I'm not some of you pp's family. I'd take a bullet for my siblings. And if one of them was suffering I would be actively searching out ways to help them

It is even more bsc to compare needing a liver to being a surrogate. OMFG. Some of you are totally nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm starting to wonder if OP is the one spewing "go back to your holes, infertiles!" - she clearly didn't come here for any advice other than "rock on, your sister's a b".

You really think only OP can find the insistence that she rent out her womb crazy? Have you even considered that some people have moral, religious, and cultural objections to surrogacy?

It's not an insistence that she do it. It's thinking that a sister who isn't even looking at/considering ways (financial/physical/emotional/whatever) to help her sister after watching her suffer for a decade doesn't deserve a whole heck of a lot of sympathy

Yeah, I think it's just the fact that OP shows absolutely zero empathy for her sister, and that her responses here have been so painfully self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this what not being able to have kids does to some people? I have never seen a thread with such nutty advice.

It is not nutty to ask if OP has CONSIDERED egg donation or surrogacy. At all.

Yes, there have been some crazy responses like give her your 2nd kid (I think that was in jest, well, I hope) or you're evil for having 4 kids, but the donation/surrogacy comments are valid.

It is ABSOLUTELY nutty to expect that OP has considered surrogacy. Her own family is not even complete yet and surrogacy is not common. Her sister has many other options including hiring a real surrogate, adoption, and maybe in vitro, egg donation, sperm donation etc. You women in this thread are freaking batshit.

Ok different scenario. Your sibling needs a liver. You wouldn't even think to CONSIDER it? I'm really glad I'm not some of you pp's family. I'd take a bullet for my siblings. And if one of them was suffering I would be actively searching out ways to help them

It is even more bsc to compare needing a liver to being a surrogate. OMFG. Some of you are totally nuts.

It's a similar physical risk, while not the same level of need. There isn't really a direct comparison.