How Was Your Cheating Or Your Signficant Others Cheating Discovered?

[Anonymous]

Ok special snowflake. The cheating spouse betrayed their spouse not you. So ridiculous. My ex husband cheated on me with 2 women that I know of. That didn't mean he was a shitty father, he was a terrible husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok special snowflake. The cheating spouse betrayed their spouse not you. So ridiculous. My ex husband cheated on me with 2 women that I know of. That didn't mean he was a shitty father, he was a terrible husband.

Taking time away from the family for selfish pursuits is the definition of a shitty father. Treating their mother abusively would also qualify. It does not mean he did not have some good qualities, but take away the affair and he is a far better person and father (unless those extra hours are spent in a bar or gambling).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

Were you an oblivious child? IME, it's the highly perceptive and sensitive children who refuse to compartmentalize who end up damaged by their parent's affair. Your ability to compartmentalize your feelings is a direct result of your parent's affair. It is a protective mechanism that enabled you to cope. But it is a big deal to many children who cannot or simply refuse to set up these artificial boundaries. The fact of the matter is that one of your parents used the time, energy, and money on an affair partner and on deceiving his/her own family, that should have been spent on your other parent or on the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

Were you an oblivious child? IME, it's the highly perceptive and sensitive children who refuse to compartmentalize who end up damaged by their parent's affair. Your ability to compartmentalize your feelings is a direct result of your parent's affair. It is a protective mechanism that enabled you to cope. But it is a big deal to many children who cannot or simply refuse to set up these artificial boundaries. The fact of the matter is that one of your parents used the time, energy, and money on an affair partner and on deceiving his/her own family, that should have been spent on your other parent or on the children.

NP here, no, that is simply untrue. What is true is that everyone handles things differently, and someone handlin something different than you would doesn't make them defective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen thought it was his phone and read a text from the OW.

He told me.

6 months later and my Styx H asks him to do something and he just says " f u"

H lives in the basement.

He went from 3 times a week plus a little side piece to nothing.

Ow was a psyco and her texts were bizarre, he is glad to be done with her. But his teen will likely never talk to him again.

Enjoy your flings girls and boys! To hell with the feelings and emotional stability of children.

You again?

I have never posted this.

Can you link me to my soul sister.

FUNNY shit. I'm not either of these posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

Were you an oblivious child? IME, it's the highly perceptive and sensitive children who refuse to compartmentalize who end up damaged by their parent's affair. Your ability to compartmentalize your feelings is a direct result of your parent's affair. It is a protective mechanism that enabled you to cope. But it is a big deal to many children who cannot or simply refuse to set up these artificial boundaries. The fact of the matter is that one of your parents used the time, energy, and money on an affair partner and on deceiving his/her own family, that should have been spent on your other parent or on the children.

NP here, no, that is simply untrue. What is true is that everyone handles things differently, and someone handlin something different than you would doesn't make them defective.

NP. Who said anything about being 'defective'. More blame the victim by the cheatings ok brigade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

Were you an oblivious child? IME, it's the highly perceptive and sensitive children who refuse to compartmentalize who end up damaged by their parent's affair. Your ability to compartmentalize your feelings is a direct result of your parent's affair. It is a protective mechanism that enabled you to cope. But it is a big deal to many children who cannot or simply refuse to set up these artificial boundaries. The fact of the matter is that one of your parents used the time, energy, and money on an affair partner and on deceiving his/her own family, that should have been spent on your other parent or on the children.

NP here, no, that is simply untrue. What is true is that everyone handles things differently, and someone handlin something different than you would doesn't make them defective.

You can't predict how a child will react... he/she could slit her/his wrists. That is the reason you stay away from affairs. You will hurt kids most of the time, sometimes it will be severed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

My dad cheated on my mom.

I haven't spoken to the asshole in 40 years, and I never will.

Think about that when you want to have fun and get your dick wet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The location services on cell is very useful to see where they have been.

Do you regularly track your SO?

Tracking won't always work. I never lied about my whereabouts. If I went somewhere, I told my DH, included something plausible about why I was there (e.g. picking up lunch and some new towels at whatever store ...)
Plus, AP & I had sex at my house. So. I was at home.

Did you have sex with AP in the marital bed? :evil:

Yes, we did.

I should add, it didn't start off in our bed, but after a while it just seemed like the logical move. AP was much more nervous about doing it in our bed than I was, but really, the bed is one of the best places to have sex. Comfortable, big, allows for more positions.

I realize some (many? most?) people would think it was 10x worse bringing an AP to the marital bed, but it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I'd probably NEVER do it in his bed, I've never even been to his house. I can't even imagine doing it in somebody else's bed. But me, fucking my AP in MY bed? I loved it. But I think that harkens back to my anger issues with my DH, that I didn't care about his feelings.

Agree. Anger not just that my H is happy for me to be the workhorse in our marriage, but that he doesn't satisfy me in bed either.

Very creepy, almost psychopathic, the way that you deal with your anger. If you're angry about something, why not just discuss it? If it's not resolved or resolvable, then why not divorce and move on? But, AP sex in the marital bed represents a kind of creepy, secretive revenge that is the uncontrolled output of anger that a person is too immature to deal with in a more responsible way. I find the idea kind of scary. If an AP could do that to his/her spouse, who knows what he/she will do when he/she is unhappy with me?

Oh, we've discussed his laziness. He thinks the work I do can be outsourced, done by the kids or continue to be done by me, but flat out won't do more. It's not enough to divorce over, but yes, I am angry enough to have sex with another man in our bed because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

My dad cheated on my mom.

I haven't spoken to the asshole in 40 years, and I never will.

Think about that when you want to have fun and get your dick wet.

Either you're lying or dumb. So dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The location services on cell is very useful to see where they have been.

Do you regularly track your SO?

Tracking won't always work. I never lied about my whereabouts. If I went somewhere, I told my DH, included something plausible about why I was there (e.g. picking up lunch and some new towels at whatever store ...)
Plus, AP & I had sex at my house. So. I was at home.

Did you have sex with AP in the marital bed? :evil:

Yes, we did.

I should add, it didn't start off in our bed, but after a while it just seemed like the logical move. AP was much more nervous about doing it in our bed than I was, but really, the bed is one of the best places to have sex. Comfortable, big, allows for more positions.

I realize some (many? most?) people would think it was 10x worse bringing an AP to the marital bed, but it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I'd probably NEVER do it in his bed, I've never even been to his house. I can't even imagine doing it in somebody else's bed. But me, fucking my AP in MY bed? I loved it. But I think that harkens back to my anger issues with my DH, that I didn't care about his feelings.

Agree. Anger not just that my H is happy for me to be the workhorse in our marriage, but that he doesn't satisfy me in bed either.

Very creepy, almost psychopathic, the way that you deal with your anger. If you're angry about something, why not just discuss it? If it's not resolved or resolvable, then why not divorce and move on? But, AP sex in the marital bed represents a kind of creepy, secretive revenge that is the uncontrolled output of anger that a person is too immature to deal with in a more responsible way. I find the idea kind of scary. If an AP could do that to his/her spouse, who knows what he/she will do when he/she is unhappy with me?

Oh, we've discussed his laziness. He thinks the work I do can be outsourced, done by the kids or continue to be done by me, but flat out won't do more. It's not enough to divorce over, but yes, I am angry enough to have sex with another man in our bed because of it.

You need serious therapy. You are going to teach your kids to be mean, petty and greedy.

Outsource some of the work and go to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

My dad cheated on my mom.

I haven't spoken to the asshole in 40 years, and I never will.

Think about that when you want to have fun and get your dick wet.

Right. So wives should think about that before they close their legs and keep turning their backs to their husbands. Do you hear yourself? Do you not see how both of those views are offensive and ridiculous and lacking in nuance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised at all these people bent out of shape about a parent cheating. One of my parents cheated on the other. They got found out and then they got divorced and that was that. I was 20 so maybe it would have been harder if I had been younger. It's their business and we moved on.

My dad cheated on my mom.

I haven't spoken to the asshole in 40 years, and I never will.

Think about that when you want to have fun and get your dick wet.

Right. So wives should think about that before they close their legs and keep turning their backs to their husbands. Do you hear yourself? Do you not see how both of those views are offensive and ridiculous and lacking in nuance?

Physician heal thyself.

You really have sold yourself on this false story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The location services on cell is very useful to see where they have been.

Do you regularly track your SO?

Tracking won't always work. I never lied about my whereabouts. If I went somewhere, I told my DH, included something plausible about why I was there (e.g. picking up lunch and some new towels at whatever store ...)
Plus, AP & I had sex at my house. So. I was at home.

Did you have sex with AP in the marital bed? :evil:

Yes, we did.

I should add, it didn't start off in our bed, but after a while it just seemed like the logical move. AP was much more nervous about doing it in our bed than I was, but really, the bed is one of the best places to have sex. Comfortable, big, allows for more positions.

I realize some (many? most?) people would think it was 10x worse bringing an AP to the marital bed, but it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I'd probably NEVER do it in his bed, I've never even been to his house. I can't even imagine doing it in somebody else's bed. But me, fucking my AP in MY bed? I loved it. But I think that harkens back to my anger issues with my DH, that I didn't care about his feelings.

Agree. Anger not just that my H is happy for me to be the workhorse in our marriage, but that he doesn't satisfy me in bed either.

Very creepy, almost psychopathic, the way that you deal with your anger. If you're angry about something, why not just discuss it? If it's not resolved or resolvable, then why not divorce and move on? But, AP sex in the marital bed represents a kind of creepy, secretive revenge that is the uncontrolled output of anger that a person is too immature to deal with in a more responsible way. I find the idea kind of scary. If an AP could do that to his/her spouse, who knows what he/she will do when he/she is unhappy with me?

Oh, we've discussed his laziness. He thinks the work I do can be outsourced, done by the kids or continue to be done by me, but flat out won't do more. It's not enough to divorce over, but yes, I am angry enough to have sex with another man in our bed because of it.

You need serious therapy. You are going to teach your kids to be mean, petty and greedy.

Outsource some of the work and go to a therapist.

No. Their father is teaching them that being lazy and insensitive is acceptable. Greedy?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to the airport to surprise him after he was returning from an out of town business trip. Friends of ours had flown into town and we were going to go straight from the airport to a private party I had put together for his 40th birthday. He didn't know I would be at the airport so as I stood waiting from him I was shocked when he walked towards the security gate holding hands with a co-worker. I exited his view quickly (he didn't seem me) and continued to watch their interactions. At the baggage claim he was kissing and groping her - it was unbelievable. I hightailed it out of there. To date the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.

I am so sorry. That had to have been horrifying.

What happened next? When did you confront him? Are you still together?