Dating/marrying outside of your social class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men seem more than likely to marry lower class women. One of my DH's best friends recently married a gorgeous but lower class girl. She's model-beautiful and very sweet and adores her husband but his extended family can't help but laugh and mock her LC family.

We were a their apartment for a party the other day and we were talking about how cute their place was. One of my DH's friends afterwards made a comment about how it was so trashy that she had blown up and put up lots of pinterest-y quotes all over the place and hwo tacky that was.

I was horrified! I wonder how hard it is for people in cross-class marriages. I wonder how she feels around her husbands friends and family. People can be cruel.

..

Sounds like they are the low-class family in this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

I agree (I'm original pp of this sub-thread). The only reason my DH has table manners is because he joined a fraternity where they were schooled on such things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men seem more than likely to marry lower class women. One of my DH's best friends recently married a gorgeous but lower class girl. She's model-beautiful and very sweet and adores her husband but his extended family can't help but laugh and mock her LC family.

We were a their apartment for a party the other day and we were talking about how cute their place was. One of my DH's friends afterwards made a comment about how it was so trashy that she had blown up and put up lots of pinterest-y quotes all over the place and hwo tacky that was.

I was horrified! I wonder how hard it is for people in cross-class marriages. I wonder how she feels around her husbands friends and family. People can be cruel.

..

Sounds like they are the low-class family in this story.

+1,000,000

The hilarious thing is that people striving hard to be "upper class," making lots of judgy, snarky, nasty comments about others along the way, don't have a clue how much others are actually looking down on them, not up at them in envy and admiration.

Kinda like how the Kardashians feel big time but are really a total laughing stock.

Making fun of someone else about how much they don't fit into the cool crowd is never classy. It's always trashy as shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men seem more than likely to marry lower class women. One of my DH's best friends recently married a gorgeous but lower class girl. She's model-beautiful and very sweet and adores her husband but his extended family can't help but laugh and mock her LC family.

We were a their apartment for a party the other day and we were talking about how cute their place was. One of my DH's friends afterwards made a comment about how it was so trashy that she had blown up and put up lots of pinterest-y quotes all over the place and hwo tacky that was.

I was horrified! I wonder how hard it is for people in cross-class marriages. I wonder how she feels around her husbands friends and family. People can be cruel.

..

Sounds like they are the low-class family in this story.

+1,000,000

The hilarious thing is that people striving hard to be "upper class," making lots of judgy, snarky, nasty comments about others along the way, don't have a clue how much others are actually looking down on them, not up at them in envy and admiration.

Kinda like how the Kardashians feel big time but are really a total laughing stock.

Making fun of someone else about how much they don't fit into the cool crowd is never classy. It's always trashy as shit.

I agree.

This friend's family does well. He had a fabulous upbringing but their culture of being loud and rowdy sounds very MC to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

I agree (I'm original pp of this sub-thread). The only reason my DH has table manners is because he joined a fraternity where they were schooled on such things.

My husband comes from a family with a lot of money (both parents are doctors), and he himself is a doctor. He has no clue how to set a table or which fork to use. If we ever have to have snobs like you over for dinner, we'll be sure to google it.

Table manners and other social customs can be learned. Idiots will never have brains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Temper, temper. Very low-class.

Sorry, but plenty of UMC and even higher have terrible tempers. I'm not saying it is elegant, but it is prevalent. Enjoy your quiet bubble.

In fact amongst those who are self made- it is everywhere! I am referring to professionals and businessmen / Carlisle Group, etc types.

Amongst blue blood old money, a little less so, but you still have a ton of it, it is just less visible. Just tell aunt snootyboots that her box at the Met has been given away for opening night,etc, and watch what gets unleashed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Temper, temper. Very low-class.

Sorry, but plenty of UMC and even higher have terrible tempers. I'm not saying it is elegant, but it is prevalent. Enjoy your quiet bubble.

In fact amongst those who are self made- it is everywhere! I am referring to professionals and businessmen / Carlisle Group, etc types.

Amongst blue blood old money, a little less so, but you still have a ton of it, it is just less visible. Just tell aunt snootyboots that her box at the Met has been given away for opening night,etc, and watch what gets unleashed.

lol i could not roll my eyes harder at you if I tried.

[Anonymous]

My family is UC. I've never heard my parents raise their voice. We all kind of speak softly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is us. I've discussed it before. He comes from an upper middle class family, I grew up dirt poor ( think no running water sometimes). My background embarassed me, but he doesn't seem to care. The awkwardness comes when he takes me places. I feel insecure that everyone knows I'm not like them. My Grammar isn't the best, but I'm working on it. His family and friends talk about things that I am clueless on. It makes me feel stupid. I tend to be loud when I'm excited, and sometimes inappropriate. I am a pretty good conversationalist, and he loves me.

Like what? It sounds like DH has pretty damn boring relatives and friends.

Science stuff usually sometimes political stuff from other countries. Not just stuff on the news, I'm always watching the news. He and his family are very smart, mensa smart. It's humbling and embarassing. I come from a small town and I've been told how smart and funny I am. It's like... have you seen 'the wire'? When McNulty dated the lawyer and he went from being the smartest guy in the room to feeling stupid.
It's my own insecurity hopefully it passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

I agree (I'm original pp of this sub-thread). The only reason my DH has table manners is because he joined a fraternity where they were schooled on such things.

My husband comes from a family with a lot of money (both parents are doctors), and he himself is a doctor. He has no clue how to set a table or which fork to use. If we ever have to have snobs like you over for dinner, we'll be sure to google it.

Table manners and other social customs can be learned. Idiots will never have brains.

But doctors who don't have class never will, no matter how rich they become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

I agree (I'm original pp of this sub-thread). The only reason my DH has table manners is because he joined a fraternity where they were schooled on such things.

My husband comes from a family with a lot of money (both parents are doctors), and he himself is a doctor. He has no clue how to set a table or which fork to use. If we ever have to have snobs like you over for dinner, we'll be sure to google it.

Table manners and other social customs can be learned. Idiots will never have brains.

Sounds like you were lower middle or working class, if you think manners = snobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Temper, temper. Very low-class.

Sorry, but plenty of UMC and even higher have terrible tempers. I'm not saying it is elegant, but it is prevalent. Enjoy your quiet bubble.

In fact amongst those who are self made- it is everywhere! I am referring to professionals and businessmen / Carlisle Group, etc types.

Amongst blue blood old money, a little less so, but you still have a ton of it, it is just less visible. Just tell aunt snootyboots that her box at the Met has been given away for opening night,etc, and watch what gets unleashed.

Oh my. Do you mean Carlyle Group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men seem more than likely to marry lower class women. One of my DH's best friends recently married a gorgeous but lower class girl. She's model-beautiful and very sweet and adores her husband but his extended family can't help but laugh and mock her LC family.

We were a their apartment for a party the other day and we were talking about how cute their place was. One of my DH's friends afterwards made a comment about how it was so trashy that she had blown up and put up lots of pinterest-y quotes all over the place and hwo tacky that was.

I was horrified! I wonder how hard it is for people in cross-class marriages. I wonder how she feels around her husbands friends and family. People can be cruel.

I know a couple like this. He's rich and his family owns a good portion of land in Montgomery County. They sold a bunch to developers but still have a lot of acreage. Her family is poor, from WV, and she's the only one who went to college. They got married, built their dream house and had kids. His family always looked down on her blue collar family and secretly mocked them for being trashy. But look who's trashy now: he ended up cheating on her with an intern at his firm and lost his kids and big house. Money can't buy you class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is us. I've discussed it before. He comes from an upper middle class family, I grew up dirt poor ( think no running water sometimes). My background embarassed me, but he doesn't seem to care. The awkwardness comes when he takes me places. I feel insecure that everyone knows I'm not like them. My Grammar isn't the best, but I'm working on it. His family and friends talk about things that I am clueless on. It makes me feel stupid. I tend to be loud when I'm excited, and sometimes inappropriate. I am a pretty good conversationalist, and he loves me.

Like what? It sounds like DH has pretty damn boring relatives and friends.

Not the PP you quoted, but for my boyfriend, when friends and I talk about travels abroad, time spent at college, work, and child-rearing concerns, just to name a few topics. If you're with someone who hasn't had the same life experiences and doesn't have the same concerns regarding raising children, it can be awkward to try to participate in these conversations. For instance, my boyfriend cannot comprehend why people would move for the sake of a better school system or neighborhood or nicer house. My friends and I and those I grew up with cannot comprehend a person who does not want to give all advantages to their child that they can.

Think about when you're around people who work for government agencies. If you're not a part of that acronym world, you're completely lost in that conversation. Now, imagine that happening in a variety of situations, where you don't understand what they're talking about because you have zero experience with the topic of discussion.

Yes, but this happens to all people. Nobody can know and experience everything. How is that related to class? Sounds just like typical people differences.

PPs hung up on their class, here is the quote of the day for you:

A good upbringing means not that you won't spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won't notice it when someone else does.--Anton Chekhov

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is us. I've discussed it before. He comes from an upper middle class family, I grew up dirt poor ( think no running water sometimes). My background embarassed me, but he doesn't seem to care. The awkwardness comes when he takes me places. I feel insecure that everyone knows I'm not like them. My Grammar isn't the best, but I'm working on it. His family and friends talk about things that I am clueless on. It makes me feel stupid. I tend to be loud when I'm excited, and sometimes inappropriate. I am a pretty good conversationalist, and he loves me.

Like what? It sounds like DH has pretty damn boring relatives and friends.

Science stuff usually sometimes political stuff from other countries. Not just stuff on the news, I'm always watching the news. He and his family are very smart, mensa smart. It's humbling and embarassing. I come from a small town and I've been told how smart and funny I am. It's like... have you seen 'the wire'? When McNulty dated the lawyer and he went from being the smartest guy in the room to feeling stupid.
It's my own insecurity hopefully it passes.

I agree it is your own insecurity. Science and politics are not restricted to upper classes or geniuses In fact, most people in science I know are quite ordinary. Every field needs its share of pencil pushers. Your perception may be skewed, that's all.