Dating/marrying outside of your social class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No such thing as social class

So my boyfriend who licked each finger individually after a meal is the same class as the upper class?

No, he is in the class of people who enjoys life instead of worrying about petty social quirks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

Then you do not get out much, can't get Fox on Hulu, or are unable to parse court rulings by Alito, Roberts, and Scalia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

omg, aren't you the bee's knees!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents grew up poor, reached lower MC, ran into financial trouble under Reagan and I grew up painfully poor with MC values. Worked from age 12. Sometimes multiple jobs. Went to college, grad school. Married an UMC guy who was supported by Mommy while he figured out life. Divorced. Met and am about to marry a guy whose parents were working class/lower MC aspirant. He's a vet, has two advanced degrees. We're able to code switch between being down to earth practical problem solvers and being intellectually stimulating. It's the best of both worlds.

Under Reagan? They survived Carter fine, but ran aground under Reagan? So dad was an air traffic controller?

Not the PP, but yeah, I know a lot folks who were upended under Reagan and never recovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a masters degree and a white collar job but I happily date blue collar guys if they are smart and interesting and can fix stuff. I find competent people very sexy. Some white-collar guys seem so helpless when they have no practical skills. So I've dated cops, firemen, military, contractors, electricians, etc.

That sounds like a pretty wide bench!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised upper middle class and my husband's family struggled to put food on the table. However, they're first generation immigrants and are actually quite cultured, etc. But they struggled for the first twenty years or so of his life.

For us, the biggest divide has been the fact that his family had very traditional gender roles, which is probably more typical in working class families. In his family, the women raise the children and the men go to the club after work with their friends to get away from the shrieking and the crumbs. It was a struggle at first to get my husband to see that they were his kids too, not just my problem.

He also does most of the grocery shopping but was raised to buy just enough food. When they went shopping on payday, their cupboards were bare! As a working mom, I like to have lots of extra granola bars and toilet paper and stuff, and it sounds stupid but it used to really annoy me to have to dash out to the store on a weeknight because we were out of stupid stuff. But now I have converted him to the wonders of Sam's Club.

Over the years we have fought about: whether SAT tutoring is really necessary; whether we should get the kids a math tutor or just make them study harder; whether paying for summer camp is a waste of money.

Also, he thinks restaurants are a waste of money which can be hard on a Friday night when you're exhausted from working all week.

It never occurred to me that any of these things would be issues since we had similar educations and met at work. We also disagree about how much to give to charity.

My parents both grew up poor and food insecure. Food was the one thing growing up they would never let run low. My mom is uncomfortable because I won't buy something at Safeway because I know it's cheaper at Trader Joe's. She refuses to look at the prices of the food she buys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"social class" ??? This isn't Britain prior to 1925.

America is classless, no pun intended. There is no nobility and you are what you make yourself.

Really? Did you read that on Pinterest?

[Anonymous]

I have table manners. However, I don't like placing my fork back on my plate once the fork has been touched. No silverware is to touch the table again once you have touched it. When you look at, I am dining al fresco, and I don't like for my fork handle to touch my food in my plate. It isn't proper etiquette to let the fork rest on the side of the plate with the handle on the table, but it is more sanitary to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have table manners. However, I don't like placing my fork back on my plate once the fork has been touched. No silverware is to touch the table again once you have touched it. When you look at, I am dining al fresco, and I don't like for my fork handle to touch my food in my plate. It isn't proper etiquette to let the fork rest on the side of the plate with the handle on the table, but it is more sanitary to me.

o.c.d.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

There are definitely white collar men. My closest cousin is the classic ignorant, close-minded to views other than progressive, bitter white collar white man that forms a significant of the democratic party. Due to his extreme amounts of education at the foot of progressive pedagogues, he is unworldly(although well-traveled), too educated to realize he is shallow, and believes all sorts of racist (mostly regarding other white men) canards. I have met many Senior government officials, professors, non-profit executives, etc like him. It is not very often that I meet blue collar professionals who are so close-minded and not willing to associate outside of their progressive class.

What? And what's a canard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

I married one of those fist around his fork guys. He was raised by wolves but now he has a phD and he's pretty nice
He learned to hold his fork right when he was 30. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

What about our current politicians and presidential hopefuls?

Their Republican candidates' supporters are overwhelmingly blue collar white males for a reason. Imagine those candidates every bit as bigoted and lazyminded minus the ability to string together a coherent sentence. Those are their supporters.

God, I'd enjoy watching you die. Ignorant fuck.

Dead liberals amuse me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

What about our current politicians and presidential hopefuls?

Their Republican candidates' supporters are overwhelmingly blue collar white males for a reason. Imagine those candidates every bit as bigoted and lazyminded minus the ability to string together a coherent sentence. Those are their supporters.

God, I'd enjoy watching you die. Ignorant fuck.

Dead liberals amuse me.

I'm not the PP, but really, when you make ignorant statements like that you don't help your cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a masters degree and a white collar job but I happily date blue collar guys if they are smart and interesting and can fix stuff. I find competent people very sexy. Some white-collar guys seem so helpless when they have no practical skills. So I've dated cops, firemen, military, contractors, electricians, etc.

My DH is a surgeon. I think he is similar to a blue collar worker. I don't find him intellectually stimulating. I assume it would be the same if I were married to a plumber, construction worker, fireman, etc.

My DH is a law firm partner. He has not once been to an art opening or the ballet. Just intellectually limited and not creative. I think it has to do with the person and the color of their collar. I used to have a construction worker/sculptor boyfriend who was wildly imaginative and intellectually stimulating. He would make art work out of discarded parts from his day job.

Well THAT guy sounds HOT. but let me tell you most of them are not like that. They look down on art, creativity, and intellectualism. Hang out and really talk to people for a while. It is a cultural thing and source of pride for them. Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen these marriages too, several girlfriends of mine married blue collar guys (lawyer friend married a plumber).
You know what? Everything was great until they had kids. Then totally different approaches caused friction. They disagree on what to spend $ on, if they should move for better schools, if OT therapy for one kid is a waste, even what kind of food is good. It's like they are from different cultures. The worst guy has a chip on his shoulder about college education, resentful of people with it, doesn't value education for his kids. He's obviously just insecure around his wife's friends, but I feel bad for his kids. He is hampering their opportunities. Wife goes along with it to keep the peace, like they didn't apply to
Immersion programs because he thinks they are elitist. Instead they send DD to one of the worst elementary schools around. He talks big about supporting our local schools to justify it. So lame.

Thanks for posting this. This is exactly the kind of friction I imagine would come up.

Yep. I am in the same boat. It's like we come from two different planets. We don't agree on anything. We share no values. It's exhausting.