Dating/marrying outside of your social class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was wondering how often this happens? I know of two coworkers who are married to blue collar men. I was surprised when I found out. Felt a little sorry for them like the had to settle, but they are both pretty charming smart and nice. I immediately rule on guys based on education and or profession. I just didn't think differences like that could work. Am I wrong?

So how is this working out for you? Married? Children?

I ruled out blue collar guys. I am happily married to a nice fellow in finance and we have two lovely babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was wondering how often this happens? I know of two coworkers who are married to blue collar men. I was surprised when I found out. Felt a little sorry for them like the had to settle, but they are both pretty charming smart and nice. I immediately rule on guys based on education and or profession. I just didn't think differences like that could work. Am I wrong?

"There are no blue collar men, only blue collar jobs." - a quote from my dad, a line cook who put 3 kids through college, and we are now a doctor, a lawyer, and university professor.

I love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a masters degree and a white collar job but I happily date blue collar guys if they are smart and interesting and can fix stuff. I find competent people very sexy. Some white-collar guys seem so helpless when they have no practical skills. So I've dated cops, firemen, military, contractors, electricians, etc.

My DH is a surgeon. I think he is similar to a blue collar worker. I don't find him intellectually stimulating. I assume it would be the same if I were married to a plumber, construction worker, fireman, etc.

My DH is a law firm partner. He has not once been to an art opening or the ballet. Just intellectually limited and not creative. I think it has to do with the person and the color of their collar. I used to have a construction worker/sculptor boyfriend who was wildly imaginative and intellectually stimulating. He would make art work out of discarded parts from his day job.

My DH is the VP of sales for a major tech company and never cracks open a book that isn't a business book. His tastes in movies are limited to blockbuster action flicks. He's definitely not intellectually stimulating. He can fix anything in the house and build me anything I ask, that is very attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was wondering how often this happens? I know of two coworkers who are married to blue collar men. I was surprised when I found out. Felt a little sorry for them like the had to settle, but they are both pretty charming smart and nice. I immediately rule on guys based on education and or profession. I just didn't think differences like that could work. Am I wrong?

So how is this working out for you? Married? Children?

+1. I married down and could not be happier. No need to feel even a little sorry for me or our two beautiful children.

[Anonymous]

I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

There are definitely white collar men. My closest cousin is the classic ignorant, close-minded to views other than progressive, bitter white collar white man that forms a significant of the democratic party. Due to his extreme amounts of education at the foot of progressive pedagogues, he is unworldly(although well-traveled), too educated to realize he is shallow, and believes all sorts of racist (mostly regarding other white men) canards. I have met many Senior government officials, professors, non-profit executives, etc like him. It is not very often that I meet blue collar professionals who are so close-minded and not willing to associate outside of their progressive class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

Then you haven't met my dad's extended family. They have college degrees and office jobs and repeat the same dumb Fox News crap. I've actually met plenty of white-collar people who are ignorant and bigoted. Working in an office doesn't make you intelligent or thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

Your ignorance is amusing. I have too much useless education and don't think I'm too stupid to know I'm stupid. I also sit in an office filled with "les incompetents" of your ilk Apparently, you can't fathom the Universe goes slightly beyond your pitiful personal experience...

[Anonymous]

My parents grew up poor, reached lower MC, ran into financial trouble under Reagan and I grew up painfully poor with MC values. Worked from age 12. Sometimes multiple jobs. Went to college, grad school. Married an UMC guy who was supported by Mommy while he figured out life. Divorced. Met and am about to marry a guy whose parents were working class/lower MC aspirant. He's a vet, has two advanced degrees. We're able to code switch between being down to earth practical problem solvers and being intellectually stimulating. It's the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

[Anonymous]

I had a UMC upbringing and DH has a working class/middle class background. He's great, and if he doesn't appreciate the ballet... my sister will go with me. We've been happily married 12 years. The only downside is that I have to take off my snob hat around the holidays when we're invited to DH's relatives' homes. Sometimes it's very 'People of Walmart'.

OP, you are wrong that class differences preclude a successful relationship. Personality and values matter much more than education and profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up UMC in DC and my DH, while being an educated professional, grew up LMC in a small southern town.

It is challenging. Unwritten rules I have to explain to him, manners, etc. We're still in our twenties and I expect he'll fully assimilate.

Same here. I was married for a couple of years before I realized that the reason my husband doesn't know how to set the table is that his mother doesn't know! She literally can't tell you how to arrange the fork, knife and spoon around the plate.

Worse than not knowing how to arrange them is not knowing how to use them properly. If I go on a date and a man wraps is fist around his fork when cutting meat or switches hands to eat becuause he doesnt know how to use his left to cut with a knife he's not getting a second date. Table manners are a sign of someone's upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was wondering how often this happens? I know of two coworkers who are married to blue collar men. I was surprised when I found out. Felt a little sorry for them like the had to settle, but they are both pretty charming smart and nice. I immediately rule on guys based on education and or profession. I just didn't think differences like that could work. Am I wrong?

"Blue collar" men often make more than the white collar. So some people are laughing all the way to the bank that they don't have college and grad school loans to pay.

+1 My extended family is a mix of blue collar and white collar jobs. The blue collars are mostly in electrical work and one uncle is the CEO of a large commercial electrical contractor (no college degree). He makes way more money than my white collar DH.

[Anonymous]

Know who has paid off houses, boats, etc.? Electricians, plumbers, etc. And they cannot move these jobs to India and China.

OP might have rubbed people the wrong way, but there is a certain working class subset that doesn't value education and is based more on obedience and conformity.