Dad's new wife wants older grandchildren to call her grandma

[Anonymous]

Call her Mama Smith. That way she gets the nod from family that she's looking for but she is intruding on the special role that existing grandparents play.

[Anonymous]

I called my grandfathers second wife her first name. My grandmother had died when I was 4, and he remarried when I was 8. She didn't push, neither did he, in terms of what to call her do her first name it was. We were very close for a long time. I think my dad (the son if my grandfather in this anecdote) would have been annoyed & turned off if she had pushed a name on me that I didn't yet feel.

[Anonymous]

So this one is Ivy and the next will be Mamba (for Mamba number 5)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe grand kids should be required to call her Grandma, but calling any relative by the formal "Mr." or "Mrs." is wholly inappropriate, passive aggressive and distancing. And I don't believe for a minute that all of the many grand kids came up with that offensive idea on their own. And any parent who suggested to kids that such formality would be appropriate with someone their grandfather chose to marry should be ashamed of themselves for taking out their agenda through children.

My guess is that since it was a quickie wedding with a short courtship, that the kids were introduced to this woman as Mrs. Smith and likely have not yet had any opportunity to establish anything beyond a formal, stranger relationship with her. Given the quickie wedding and the fact that this woman is fourth in a parade of grandmas, Mrs. Smith is quite a respectful title for this woman who is likely a stranger to them.

[Anonymous]

What about step-grandmother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

This.

You call people what they ask you to call them. If you call them something else, you are picking a fight. In this case, the kids are going out of their way to point out that the new step-grandma is not REALLY a part of their family. They're being little shits and you're letting them do it.

Oh, bullshit. Would you say the same thing if your kids were forced to call your DH's new wife "mom"? Same fucking thing, you ignorant bitch.

I agree with the substance of this but not the tone. I am divorced and if my ex's new wife insisted that our kids call her Mom, that would be wrong. When
my FIL moved a girlfriend into the house 6 weeks after MIL died and that girlfiend wanted my kids to call her Grandma, all of us were shocked - me, my then DH and our kids. Our 5 yo didn't want to call this new lady she didn't know Grandma. Not because she was mot REALLY a part of the family but because she was not BIOLOGICALLY a part of the family. That's what Grandma means - that you are the mother's mother by birth or adoption. If you're marrying into a family then you've got to use some other moniker.
- not mom, not Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about Nana Jane?

This would be good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

My mom asked me to call my stepfather "dad", my stepfather asked me to call him "dad", and I did because I didn't feel I had a choice (even though I barely knew him, as I had been living with my dad after their divorce). It immediately changed the previously favorable impression I had of him.--Turns out I was right in his case, and he is an ass.

Why not throw out a few acceptable options for the kids and let them decide.

[Anonymous]

My mom married my step father when I was 4 and I always called him by his first name. I called his parents grandma and grandpa. It never occurred to me to be bothered by calling old people grandma and grandpa. My mom's dad remarried and I called her by her first name. That's what she preferred. That didn't bother me either. Call people what they want to be called. It's not taking anything away from anyone else. There are so many people who aren't really aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc who get that title on an honorary basis. Really, it's not that big a deal.

[Anonymous]

In my family, we used Aunt and Uncle for lots of close friends who are not really related by blood, but I can't imagine using the term Grandma for someone who is new to me and my kids who is not actually the grandmother. I would work with the grandfather and his new wife to come up with something acceptable that would make the new wife feel welcome, but not presuppose a close relationship that has not yet been established.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad just remarried and my siblings and I are grown with children of our own. [...] Any advice?

Do not force them to call her anything. If they feel like calling her Mrs. Smith, then Mrs. Smith it is.

When my grandma died, my grandpa's new "girlfriend" moved in with him after about a week. She would have LOVED us to call her grandma right that moment.
I went on calling her Mrs. Miller, as I had before. When she was my grandparents' cleaning lady. My younger cousins (who were elementary / middle-school aged when grandma died) eventually started calling her Larla.

My grandpa told me it was inappropriate to call her Mrs. Miller after a few years. Obviously I was to call her grandma Larla.
All that resulted in was me simply refering to her as "her" or "that woman" and not calling her anything directly to her face.
No, I did not like her much. Also, I was 20 when my grandma died and she was my grandma (the only one I had as my dad's mother died when he was young) and I didn't feel like calling any one else grandma. Especially not someone I had never liked much (her moving in with my grandpa before my grandma was even burried was only the straw that broke the camel's back).

[Anonymous]

"Mother Larla"

Or, don't call her anything at all.

Hello.
May I please have a drink of water?
Please pass the peas?

etc.

I think it's rude and selfish of her to ask this if the grandchildren have made it clear it makes them uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

I think you explain to the kids that now that she's married to their grandfather, she is a grandmother. So have them call her Grandma Smith instead of Mrs. Smith. It's a pretty easy change to make.

My DH's niece used to just call me by my first name. When we got married she started calling me Aunt FirstName. Kids are flexible...

[Anonymous]

I was a child in a similar situation. Don't force them to call her a name they aren't comfortable with, it onl

[Anonymous]

It only puts a strain on the relationship.