Dad's new wife wants older grandchildren to call her grandma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

My MIL asked me to call her mom and I said NO.
I decide who I call mom or grandma

Fall hard in life

What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

Agreed. No matter my age, I would not call anyone who is not even related to me or my family "Grandma." That is for family only.

[Anonymous]

I find this to be an odd line for children, especially all of the grandchildren, to draw, and it makes me wonder what the broader family dynamics are that are causing the children to feel they need to keep her so firmly at arm's length. Have you and your siblings embraced her as a part of the family?

My father-in-law recently remarried, and she is Nana to all of the grandkids. It was no big deal for anyone, it was presented simply as Grandpa and Miss Larla (which is what the kids called her before the marriage) were getting married, she was joining our family and now they got to have another grandparent and how about we call her Nana now. It was completely drama-free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

I do too and I am not OP. I am a mother, stepmother and stepchild. The kids are not using a term that is disrespectful.However, The new wife is asking the kids to use a term that is indicative of a relationship that they have not forged, and never will if she keeps pushing this bulls***. If she does not have enough sense to respect the wishes of the kids, to understand that relationships take time and growth and that the use of the term "grandma" should be organic and not forced...well, then...I don't know what to say except she needs to grow up.

+1. Yes, the grandchildren's preference matters. I am just so sick of divorced and remarried people expecting everyone else to play "big happy family" at their command. Respect is earned.

If she really cared about the children she wouldn't want to force them to use a term they find uncomfortable.

Respect goes both ways. Of course kids' preferences matter. Calling her "Mrs." borders on the snide and is intent on keeping her at arms length and not part of the family.

"Grandma" may not be the right choice, but seriously, there are other options that would be perfectly acceptable. She probably really wants them to call her something other than "Mrs. So-And-So." There's a huge area for compromise here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

Agreed. No matter my age, I would not call anyone who is not even related to me or my family "Grandma." That is for family only.

Well, in this case she would be related to your father by marriage, which means that under your rule she can be "Grandma." Or does it have to be a blood relation, and so all of the spouses of your siblings are not Aunt and Uncle, but rather Mr. and Mrs.

[Anonymous]

Mrs. Smith should be more concerned making friendships with the kids instead of what she is called. Making them call her grandma might make the kids resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

Agreed. No matter my age, I would not call anyone who is not even related to me or my family "Grandma." That is for family only.

Well, in this case she would be related to your father by marriage, which means that under your rule she can be "Grandma." Or does it have to be a blood relation, and so all of the spouses of your siblings are not Aunt and Uncle, but rather Mr. and Mrs.

"Related to my father by marriage" is not related to me at all. Grandparents are parents of one's parents, and a wife of a father, who is not one's mother, is not a grandmother, and certainly not a Grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

Agreed. No matter my age, I would not call anyone who is not even related to me or my family "Grandma." That is for family only.

Well, in this case she would be related to your father by marriage, which means that under your rule she can be "Grandma." Or does it have to be a blood relation, and so all of the spouses of your siblings are not Aunt and Uncle, but rather Mr. and Mrs.

+1

I find it very odd that a fuss is being made for this by grandkids and grownups are backing them up. OP's family seems to be full of drama and lacking in manners and politeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why?

I do too and I am not OP. I am a mother, stepmother and stepchild. The kids are not using a term that is disrespectful.However, The new wife is asking the kids to use a term that is indicative of a relationship that they have not forged, and never will if she keeps pushing this bulls***. If she does not have enough sense to respect the wishes of the kids, to understand that relationships take time and growth and that the use of the term "grandma" should be organic and not forced...well, then...I don't know what to say except she needs to grow up.

+1. Yes, the grandchildren's preference matters. I am just so sick of divorced and remarried people expecting everyone else to play "big happy family" at their command. Respect is earned.

If she really cared about the children she wouldn't want to force them to use a term they find uncomfortable.

+2 in complete agreement with these posters. No way would I force my kids to call her 'Grandma'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

Agreed. No matter my age, I would not call anyone who is not even related to me or my family "Grandma." That is for family only.

Well, in this case she would be related to your father by marriage, which means that under your rule she can be "Grandma." Or does it have to be a blood relation, and so all of the spouses of your siblings are not Aunt and Uncle, but rather Mr. and Mrs.

+1

I find it very odd that a fuss is being made for this by grandkids and grownups are backing them up. OP's family seems to be full of drama and lacking in manners and politeness.

That's a false equivalency and you know it.
But I suspect you and similar response are by a sockpuppetting troll, or perhaps a butthurt step grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife of grandfather is grandmother. Just like the wife of uncle is aunty. Now, she is not asking to be called "Favorite relative". She is asking to be called the name of her relationship by marriage.

I am with the grandmother on this one.

Stepgrandmother

Agreed. No matter my age, I would not call anyone who is not even related to me or my family "Grandma." That is for family only.

Well, in this case she would be related to your father by marriage, which means that under your rule she can be "Grandma." Or does it have to be a blood relation, and so all of the spouses of your siblings are not Aunt and Uncle, but rather Mr. and Mrs.

+1

I find it very odd that a fuss is being made for this by grandkids and grownups are backing them up. OP's family seems to be full of drama and lacking in manners and politeness.

That's a false equivalency and you know it.
But I suspect you and similar response are by a sockpuppetting troll, or perhaps a butthurt step grandmother.

If you really think that everyone on this side of things is sockpuppeting, go ahead and ask Jeff. He'll confirm that we're not (20:01/20:03 here, by the way). It is possible for people to be mature about these situations and not make everything into a grudge match.

[Anonymous]

DH had a step-Grandpa. Everyone called him by his first name. He was not Grandpa, and was never referred to as such. Even if he wanted to be, he wouldn't have been. The kids knew their Grandpa.

Grandma and Grandpa aren't names you demand. They mean something. OP, there is going to have to be a compromise. "Mrs whoever" isn't appropriate in this situation either.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- wow, thank you for all of the responses!

Some clarifications: The children are not being bratty, they refer to most adults as Mrs./Mrs. Smith. They did not know my dad's wife prior to their marriage, it was a rather sudden marriage, but we are all happy that my dad is happy. This is my dad's 4th marriage, which is why I think the grandchildren have some pause and are being a tad familiar. The adults are not backing the children up, but rather are looking for a compromise which is why I posted to ask for suggestions and advice. Thank you to those who took the time to respond.

[Anonymous]

^^ formal, not familiar.