Dad's new wife wants older grandchildren to call her grandma
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Anonymous
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My dad just remarried and my siblings and I are grown with children of our own. His new wife wants my dad's grandchildren to call her "Grandma" and it is not going over well. The children want to call her "Mrs Smith" (they are all over 5 years of age) and it is making my dad's new wife very upset. My dad, not wanting to upset the apple cart, has asked the children to call her "Grandma Larla" as to make her happy, but they are uncomfortable with that as well. My parents have been divorced for many years, my mom and dad have a great, friendly relationship, so there is no pressure from that end.
There are 15 grandchildren in total and all use "Mrs. Smith", much to her chagrin. I can see the children's perspective as they do not know her well at this point, but I don't think this is a fight worth having -- if the children are old enough to offer a preference, that should be honored in this situation. (Meaning, if they were all infants or if the marriage took place prior to the birth of the grandchildren, this would be a moot point.) Any advice? |
Anonymous
| Would something besides Grandma be ok? Many grandparents don't use the traditional terms at all and instead have names that are fun, cute or come from a funny story. Instead of the formality of Mrs. Smith, this might be a fun way to mark the new relationship. I totally agree with you, though, that they shouldn't be required to call someone who is fairly new to their lives a term that is often very personal. Remind your dad's new wife that it isn't about them not being close or liking her. I know family dynamics can be tricky. |
Anonymous
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My Grandfather was not blood but he was the only Grandfather I knew so I called him Grandpa. My stepfather's mother we called Nettie, her name.
I guess it depends on the age and what the kids feel comfortable with. No set rules apply. |
Anonymous
| Your father's wife has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma, your father has asked the grandchildren to call her Grandma Larla, and you think that the person/people whose preferences should be honored are the grandchildren? Why? |
Anonymous
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PP, this is OP, simply because they are all older, many in middle school and normally don't feel strongly about something. My dad agrees with the grandchildren for now to call her Mrs Smith, but as a way to smooth things over offered the compromise.
I like the fun, alternative name, like Nettie -- great suggestion, I will float that to the kids. Thank you. |
Anonymous
Because she's not their grandmother and maybe she will feel like that in time but you can force love/respect??? |
Anonymous
Grandpa wants to keep getting laid so he asks to make grandma happy |
Anonymous
She's not asking for love/respect. She's asking them to call her Grandma instead of Mrs. Smith. |
Anonymous
| What about Ms. Firstname or some other compromise? I don't think people should be called something they are uncomfortable with, but it also seems wrong to force the kids to call her Grandma. I think the kids' feelings are valid, too. |
Anonymous
| Is your mom still alive and does she go by grandma? |
Anonymous
But, as noted that is typically a personal title, you cannot just ask to be called "Grandma" unless you are in that role. This is a new marriage and the children are older. Does that make a difference? I think so. |
Anonymous
Yes, and my MIL is local and goes by Grammie. But they are not commenting that this "their role", it is driven by the grandchildren. |
Anonymous
| Why not? I call DH's grandmas "grandma" and "grandpa." It's just a term of respect and endearment. |
Anonymous
| Can they compromise with her first name? Not so formal as "Mrs," but not Grandma either (sine she isn't). |
Anonymous
| his house his rules |