A thread for ugly women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on [b]beauty in women[/b]. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

This is not a matter of the importance placed on beauty, it's about the importance of how we view ourselves. I was not commenting on how other people view you, I was commenting on how YOU VIEW YOU! You have evidently internalized the societal beauty standards you feel people have placed too much importance on, you have internalized them and find yourself lacking. I say you should say "bullshit" to that. Sure there are days I feel I look like a hot mess, and days I feel like I look great.
Honestly, I have found that most people who others call "pretty" are a MAJOR combo of CONFIDENCE and being PUT TOGETHER WELL. Confidence can mask a whole host of imperfections, but it cannot do anything for you if you don't have it and exude it. All I am saying is be kinder to yourself, from what you post you have a multitude of blessings -- let that be your guide, not the ways you pick physical self apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a very odd reaction from thinking of yourself as pretty or ugly. People are uncomfortable with the idea that each of us has formed an opinion about our own features.

The difference between feeling ugly and not being able to cook is that you could learn to cook, and your looks and your feelings about your looks are something that are with you 24-7 in one way or another. It's a bigger deal.

So, wondering. what is the reaction if I told you that, in fact, I am pretty, but I am not smart, kind, or funny. Wouldn't it sound like I have low self-esteem?

Not really. It sounds like an honest inventory. People can't be everything. You just learn to work with your strengths.

You learn to work around weaknesses, once you acknowledge they are there. Hard-working and determined makes up for smart all the time. Learning to ask about other people and listen makes up for being funny, witty or entertaining. (People love to talk about themselves!) Learning to be patient and bite your tongue make up for a lack of natural kindness.

I am an ugly woman. The best I can manage is to be put together. I have other strengths. I am okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually feel bad for the truly pretty women. All the so called privileges they get are superficial, and most of the time they attract superficial men who only care about looks. They often end up unhappy and in bad circumstances since they place a lot of stock in their looks (which fade) and sometimes dont invest as much into developing in other areas such as personality or career.

My average looks made me develop a strong personality and be self reliant, and while I suffered because of it as a teen I realize I am a better person because of it now.

Who is truly pretty? Cindy Crawford? Kate Upton? Gimme a break, I don't think either of these women are stunners, not who I would choose to look like if I could.
They are very attractive, but not my subjective idea of "pretty". People, everyone finds different things attractive. Some of you have been sold a bill of goods about what features and things are attractive and then look at yourself as not measuring up. That is nuts -- anyone can look great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on [b]beauty in women[/b]. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

This is not a matter of the importance placed on beauty, it's about the importance of how we view ourselves. I was not commenting on how other people view you, I was commenting on how YOU VIEW YOU! You have evidently internalized the societal beauty standards you feel people have placed too much importance on, you have internalized them and find yourself lacking. I say you should say "bullshit" to that. Sure there are days I feel I look like a hot mess, and days I feel like I look great.
Honestly, I have found that most people who others call "pretty" are a MAJOR combo of CONFIDENCE and being PUT TOGETHER WELL. Confidence can mask a whole host of imperfections, but it cannot do anything for you if you don't have it and exude it. All I am saying is be kinder to yourself, from what you post you have a multitude of blessings -- let that be your guide, not the ways you pick physical self apart.

You're getting to the heart of what's crazy about it. I posted a "multitude of blessings" and say I'm okay with not having the blessing of physical beauty. You chastise me for an honest appraisal and tell me to try harder.

I'm satisfied with myself. I'm not lacking confidence in myself. Acknowledging that I am not pretty and that is not important is not a lack of confidence. It's a wealth of confidence in the fact that my value as a person doesn't depend on my physical appearance.

[Anonymous]

This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on beauty in women. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

Two thumbs up! What's wrong with saying "I don't meet conventional standards of beauty," but "whatever, f--k it!" Why this desperation to pretend that everyone meets these (arbitrary) standards? I would guess this need to find everyone "beautiful" is precisely because many people equate "beautiful" = good and appealing. But that just reinforces the basic fallacy that physical appearance is somehow morally superior ... which is the perspective that we are (or should be) trying to shake.

It's like we first say "physical beauty is not of any moral import" while simultaneously needing to say "no no honey, but you *are* beautiful!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aging is the great equalizer - we all become a bit "invisible" as we age in this youth-obsessed culture, no matter how beautiful we are or were.

I wonder if it's easier for someone who has never been beautiful to age because they never felt their identity and value was intertwined with their looks; to go from turning heads to gradually noticing that not even the construction workers whistle anymore when you walk by -- that's a game-changer.

This might be true. I am the freckle poster from above and strangely I feel like they are slightly beneficial wrt aging because they help hide wrinkles. Fwiw, I have always gotten catcalls and looks from men in bars etc. but I always thought that had more to do with my body, which I don't think has anything to do with being "pretty." Good body, nice hair, average to ugly face because of the freckles.

You sound like you are being way too hard in yourself. By your own admission, you've "always" had boyfriends and attention from random men. You have a nice body and hair. But you think you are ugly because you have a few freckles on your face? Seriously? Attractivessness is not just about your face. It's the whole package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on [b]beauty in women[/b]. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

This is not a matter of the importance placed on beauty, it's about the importance of how we view ourselves. I was not commenting on how other people view you, I was commenting on how YOU VIEW YOU! You have evidently internalized the societal beauty standards you feel people have placed too much importance on, you have internalized them and find yourself lacking. I say you should say "bullshit" to that. Sure there are days I feel I look like a hot mess, and days I feel like I look great.
Honestly, I have found that most people who others call "pretty" are a MAJOR combo of CONFIDENCE and being PUT TOGETHER WELL. Confidence can mask a whole host of imperfections, but it cannot do anything for you if you don't have it and exude it. All I am saying is be kinder to yourself, from what you post you have a multitude of blessings -- let that be your guide, not the ways you pick physical self apart.

You're getting to the heart of what's crazy about it. I posted a "multitude of blessings" and say I'm okay with not having the blessing of physical beauty. You chastise me for an honest appraisal and tell me to try harder.

I'm satisfied with myself. I'm not lacking confidence in myself. Acknowledging that I am not pretty and that is not important is not a lack of confidence. It's a wealth of confidence in the fact that my value as a person doesn't depend on my physical appearance.

Ok -- let me try again so that you can possibly better understand my point:

1) Physical beauty is SUBJECTIVE

2) Calling yourself UGLY is a negative, subjective evaluation of yourself. PERIOD

3) Having a positive view of your physical self in no way translates into only seeing your value in how you look -- that is your preconceived notion and has ZERO to do with what I said

4) Why in the HELL are you fighting so hard to hang on to the label of UGLY?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on beauty in women. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

Two thumbs up! What's wrong with saying "I don't meet conventional standards of beauty," but "whatever, f--k it!" Why this desperation to pretend that everyone meets these (arbitrary) standards? I would guess this need to find everyone "beautiful" is precisely because many people equate "beautiful" = good and appealing. But that just reinforces the basic fallacy that physical appearance is somehow morally superior ... which is the perspective that we are (or should be) trying to shake.

It's like we first say "physical beauty is not of any moral import" while simultaneously needing to say "no no honey, but you *are* beautiful!"

What is important is trying to feel good about all of you. What folks are trying to get at is turning those conventional standards on their head and saying everyone is beautiful in their own way. It's weird, as if people are fighting so hard to be allowed to have a negative self-perception, as if me saying to you that I think you are beautiful is some way damaging or taking way from whatever view you have of yourself and you damn well are not going to let people view you any differently(or BETTER) than you view yourself. I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am convinced that on a scale of 1-10, the vast majority of people will fall into 3-8 (average), and where you are on that scale depends on what you are wearing, how you are feeling, and your grooming. Very few people beautiful (consistently above 8) and very few people truly ugly (consistently below 3). Just about all of us are average.

This is very true. The VAST majority of it is grooming, makeup, clothing, general presentation. Most things that are considered "ugly" - crooked nose, large birthmarks etc can be cosmetically fixed if the person prioritizes it.

This thread makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on [b]beauty in women[/b]. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

This is not a matter of the importance placed on beauty, it's about the importance of how we view ourselves. I was not commenting on how other people view you, I was commenting on how YOU VIEW YOU! You have evidently internalized the societal beauty standards you feel people have placed too much importance on, you have internalized them and find yourself lacking. I say you should say "bullshit" to that. Sure there are days I feel I look like a hot mess, and days I feel like I look great.
Honestly, I have found that most people who others call "pretty" are a MAJOR combo of CONFIDENCE and being PUT TOGETHER WELL. Confidence can mask a whole host of imperfections, but it cannot do anything for you if you don't have it and exude it. All I am saying is be kinder to yourself, from what you post you have a multitude of blessings -- let that be your guide, not the ways you pick physical self apart.

You're getting to the heart of what's crazy about it. I posted a "multitude of blessings" and say I'm okay with not having the blessing of physical beauty. You chastise me for an honest appraisal and tell me to try harder.

I'm satisfied with myself. I'm not lacking confidence in myself. Acknowledging that I am not pretty and that is not important is not a lack of confidence. It's a wealth of confidence in the fact that my value as a person doesn't depend on my physical appearance.

Ok -- let me try again so that you can possibly better understand my point:

1) Physical beauty is SUBJECTIVE

2) Calling yourself UGLY is a negative, subjective evaluation of yourself. PERIOD

3) Having a positive view of your physical self in no way translates into only seeing your value in how you look -- that is your preconceived notion and has ZERO to do with what I said

4) Why in the HELL are you fighting so hard to hang on to the label of UGLY?

YES PP I totally agree with you! I was a formerly ugly person but I groomed myself (brows, haircut, nails, contacts) and had a big mole removed from my face. I gained tons of confidence. After my transformation I starred in a series of national commercials as an actress, so objectively pretty. I'm older now and have moved onto a corporate career but grooming and posie will take you very very far. Beauty standards always change and are subjective but people feel good around neat and tidy looking people who smile.

[Anonymous]

It is interesting to read this thread in combination with the "pretty" one.

The "ugly" thread: I'm ugly so I don't get nearly as much attention or privileges as pretty people.

Responses: How can you call yourself ugly! You're a pitiful under-confident woman and/or you need a makeover! Almost nobody is ugly/if you're ugly it's your own fault!

The pretty one: I'm pretty so I get lots of attention and privileges.

Responses: How can you call yourself pretty! You're a delusional bitch and/or wait until you get old and ugly! Nobody in DC is that pretty/if you're that pretty it's because you're a shallow and terrible person!

Good job on the 180 degree assholery, DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Those of you calling yourself ugly - what exactly do you think makes you that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is as bad as the pretty thread
For goodness sake don't call yourself ugly!

How about "not physically attractive?"

It's weird how much importance people place on [b]beauty in women[/b]. If someone said "I'm not a good cook" you wouldn't be throwing such a fit.

I'm not pretty. I'm 46, 60 pounds over weight. I have lots of worry lines and laugh lines. I have a thin mouth, a snub nose, and my eyes are to small. My face is too round. My hair is a disaster -- thin and curly. I have the wings on the top of my arms. I have a belly from having kids. I'm apple shaped. I wear glasses because I can't wear contacts anymore.

I am ugly. I am also smart, kind, and funny. I work hard. My kids adore me. My husband loves me.

Pretty isn't everything.

This is not a matter of the importance placed on beauty, it's about the importance of how we view ourselves. I was not commenting on how other people view you, I was commenting on how YOU VIEW YOU! You have evidently internalized the societal beauty standards you feel people have placed too much importance on, you have internalized them and find yourself lacking. I say you should say "bullshit" to that. Sure there are days I feel I look like a hot mess, and days I feel like I look great.
Honestly, I have found that most people who others call "pretty" are a MAJOR combo of CONFIDENCE and being PUT TOGETHER WELL. Confidence can mask a whole host of imperfections, but it cannot do anything for you if you don't have it and exude it. All I am saying is be kinder to yourself, from what you post you have a multitude of blessings -- let that be your guide, not the ways you pick physical self apart.

You're getting to the heart of what's crazy about it. I posted a "multitude of blessings" and say I'm okay with not having the blessing of physical beauty. You chastise me for an honest appraisal and tell me to try harder.

I'm satisfied with myself. I'm not lacking confidence in myself. Acknowledging that I am not pretty and that is not important is not a lack of confidence. It's a wealth of confidence in the fact that my value as a person doesn't depend on my physical appearance.

Ok -- let me try again so that you can possibly better understand my point:

1) Physical beauty is SUBJECTIVE

2) Calling yourself UGLY is a negative, subjective evaluation of yourself. PERIOD

3) Having a positive view of your physical self in no way translates into only seeing your value in how you look -- that is your preconceived notion and has ZERO to do with what I said

4) Why in the HELL are you fighting so hard to hang on to the label of UGLY?

Why do you care so much that everyone thinks of themselves as "pretty?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you calling yourself ugly - what exactly do you think makes you that way?

weight, facial features, bad hair, awkward body shape

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you calling yourself ugly - what exactly do you think makes you that way?

Not attractive in the conventional way. A cross between Kathy Bates, Rosie O'Donnell and Mayim Bailik.
Can I look nice and put together? Yes. Have all but a very few selection of men ignored me my entire life? yes. Do I have a great sense of humor combined with being a fantastic conversationalist? yes.