A thread for ugly women

[Anonymous]

35. Virgin. Not pretty. I don't really think I'm ugly, but I've also never been one that men find attractive. The boys in school used to oink behind me in the halls. In 8th grade I was invited to a party that didn't exist. Hilarious, right? I didn't date in high school because nobody asked. My mom and dad have never told me I looked nice or pretty. I'd love to say "at least I have lots of friends and family" but my family lives far away and my friends are all in the marriage and babies stage of life. I think of baby showers as farewell parties, because I know I won't see that friend again until another mutual friend gets pregnant. Maybe that will change as the kids get older?? Don't know. Mostly, I'd say my experience is invisibility. Nobody sees me on the streets, nobody holds doors, I can't recall ever having a stranger buy me a drink. Salespeople don't offer to help me. My phone rarely rings. I spent the last three birthdays alone. I'm just invisible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All women with a good heart are beautiful. End of story.

But not pretty. And you know it. You know exactly what we're talking about here. Nobody looks at pictures of women on "People of Wal-Mart" and thinks "She has a good heart, so she's beautiful."

So what -- it's about changing the perception of beauty, and it starts with how you see yourself.
For years, you did not see many black women considered as the hallmark of beauty, does not mean they weren't it was they were not being appreciated and being ignored. Change the paradigm.

But I guess my point and the point of others on here is that why should we have to be considered beautiful to be considered worthwhile? It's condescending that people keep saying, well change the beauty paradigm or every woman is beautiful or "try harder." Believe me, all the trying in the world is just going to bring me up to average. I'm not saying I don't try - I like shopping, I wear makeup, I get my hair cut at a decent salon. But even with all that? I get to "plain Jane" at best.

If someone were short would you say, "Change the paradigm of height! Try harder and you can be tall!"

I am short
And I feel good about it is who I am
What do folks not get about what I am saying
Why consider yourselves ugly when you can see yourself as beautiful ??
I am talking about SEING YOURSEKF AND CONSIDERING YOURSELF BEAUTIFUL.
I not talki g about trying harder to meet someone else's standard. I am talking about stop labeling yourselves as ugly .
Negative self talk is damaging to one's spirit.
Yes, there are superficial things one can do, buying clothes they like, a shade of lipstick they like or just the way your skin looks and feels when freshly washed. But it all begins with how we view ourselves and I cannot fathom wanting to hang onto the label of ugly, no matter how others may view me.
And I cannot imagine hanging onto that label by claiming some sort of bogus self acceptance. When you truly love tbe essence of everything you are , you would not dare let the word ugly in the equation.
And it is that kind of self acceptance and appreciation that changes the paradigm.

[Anonymous]

Well, I am a size 2, 5'7, used to model, and have long hair with smooth, even skin.

BUT I am a dark skinned black woman, which means that I belong to a demographic that people think it is okay to call masculine and ugly. Many people that I deal with think that I am beautiful, but just as many think that all black women are ugly, especially dark skinned ones, and treat me with a racist/colorist contempt that is really quite unique to black women. Try being attractive, but standing next to a fat, short, objectively ugly woman and having the door slammed in your face while it was held open for her because she is white, Asian, or anything except black. Now, THAT is a mindfuck.

[Anonymous]

^^I should add that I watch my weight religiously and dressed very well because I do not dare be a fat, frumpy, dark skinned black woman in society. The ugly women in this thread feel invisible, but let me tell you, being invisible is a blessing compared to the open public ridicule to which fat, black women are subject.

[Anonymous]

Huh.

I'm a fat, scarred, ugly, dark-skinned Indian woman and I get treated really well! People open doors for me, people smile at me, sales people are attentive and chatty with me, and in general, my social interactions are pleasant.

Now, I don't get a lot of romantic attention, but that's to be expected. See above for my description.

But I don't think you can blame your bad treatment on your ugliness or your race, like the PP above me. If you have a sweet, sunny disposition like I do, everyone will want to smile at you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh.

I'm a fat, scarred, ugly, dark-skinned Indian woman and I get treated really well! People open doors for me, people smile at me, sales people are attentive and chatty with me, and in general, my social interactions are pleasant.

Now, I don't get a lot of romantic attention, but that's to be expected. See above for my description.

But I don't think you can blame your bad treatment on your ugliness or your race, like the PP above me. If you have a sweet, sunny disposition like I do, everyone will want to smile at you!

You are not black. Did you not read that PP specified black?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All women with a good heart are beautiful. End of story.

But not pretty. And you know it. You know exactly what we're talking about here. Nobody looks at pictures of women on "People of Wal-Mart" and thinks "She has a good heart, so she's beautiful."

So what -- it's about changing the perception of beauty, and it starts with how you see yourself.
For years, you did not see many black women considered as the hallmark of beauty, does not mean they weren't it was they were not being appreciated and being ignored. Change the paradigm.

But I guess my point and the point of others on here is that why should we have to be considered beautiful to be considered worthwhile? It's condescending that people keep saying, well change the beauty paradigm or every woman is beautiful or "try harder." Believe me, all the trying in the world is just going to bring me up to average. I'm not saying I don't try - I like shopping, I wear makeup, I get my hair cut at a decent salon. But even with all that? I get to "plain Jane" at best.

If someone were short would you say, "Change the paradigm of height! Try harder and you can be tall!"

I am short
And I feel good about it is who I am
What do folks not get about what I am saying
Why consider yourselves ugly when you can see yourself as beautiful ??
I am talking about SEING YOURSEKF AND CONSIDERING YOURSELF BEAUTIFUL.
I not talki g about trying harder to meet someone else's standard. I am talking about stop labeling yourselves as ugly .
Negative self talk is damaging to one's spirit.
Yes, there are superficial things one can do, buying clothes they like, a shade of lipstick they like or just the way your skin looks and feels when freshly washed. But it all begins with how we view ourselves and I cannot fathom wanting to hang onto the label of ugly, no matter how others may view me.
And I cannot imagine hanging onto that label by claiming some sort of bogus self acceptance. When you truly love tbe essence of everything you are , you would not dare let the word ugly in the equation.
And it is that kind of self acceptance and appreciation that changes the paradigm.

I think you're late for your aura cleansing and Reiki appointment. You should toddle along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to read this thread in combination with the "pretty" one.

The "ugly" thread: I'm ugly so I don't get nearly as much attention or privileges as pretty people.

Responses: How can you call yourself ugly! You're a pitiful under-confident woman and/or you need a makeover! Almost nobody is ugly/if you're ugly it's your own fault!

The pretty one: I'm pretty so I get lots of attention and privileges.

Responses: How can you call yourself pretty! You're a delusional bitch and/or wait until you get old and ugly! Nobody in DC is that pretty/if you're that pretty it's because you're a shallow and terrible person!

Good job on the 180 degree assholery, DCUM.

Yes, and then there is the thread about "letting yourself go."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being ugly has defined my life. When I was in high school, boys used to do things like bark at me and pretend to vomit. I had jaw surgery to fix my weird bite, thinking it would make me more attractive, but instead I felt that I was left looking deformed. When I was asked out on dates, I couldn't believe that a man could really find me attractive, so I assumed they just thought I would be an easy lay.

I was terribly shy and did not pursue the careers I was interested in, because they would involve interacting with people and I was too self-conscious about them thinking how ugly I was.

I am happily married now and mostly don't worry about what I look like. One thing I regret is that I did not give my daughter what I considered a pretty girl's name in case she was ugly . Instead she is very pretty, so I could have given her any name! I have never really told anyone all this. Thanks for the opportunity!

Ugly ugly ugly YADA YADA YADA happily married.

Funny how we gloss over the good parts .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being ugly has defined my life also. Basically, I was cute from 0-4. At 4 or 5 I entered the awkward phase and at 38 have never left it. I was bullied all through school, to the point that it's good there were no guns in our house. Kids used to constantly tell me pre-10/31 "Um, Halloween isn't here yet so you should take off your mask" and post-10/31 "Halloween is over; you can take off your mask now." When my older brother delivered newspapers to neighbors, he came home one day and sheepishly admitted a kid in my grade gave him a dog biscuit to give me. My mother shrugged and told him to give it to our dog. I was really disappointed that she said nothing to console me. During class pictures kids would try to push me out of the picture saying I'd break the camera and would argue about who had to sit next to me.

Nobody ever asked me out in high school or college. I didn't even know when my prom was. Nobody asked to sign my yearbook (and I didn't bother getting one). I was not invited to any graduation parties. I invited about a dozen kids to mine - NONE came. I was so embarrassed that I lied to the relatives and told them my mom said I had to have a separate party for friends, and there was so much extra food that my brother got told to invite his friends over to eat. Usually I don't bother trying to look good, just aim for acceptable/appropriate. For my brother's wedding I did EVERYTHING I could possibly do to look good. When I saw pictures they were so bad that I cried because after all that effort, I still looked awful.

I am forgotten and ignored by the general public. I just hope that I don't die of suspicious causes that require an autopsy because it'd be embarrassing for them to find out I'm a virgin.

You grew up around some truly ugly people. Like another poster mentioned, I rarely ever see anyone ugly around...frumpy people abound, but very very few ugly people. That said, this is a reminder that we parents have a social responsibility not to raise holy terrors who grow into mean people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All women with a good heart are beautiful. End of story.

But not pretty. And you know it. You know exactly what we're talking about here. Nobody looks at pictures of women on "People of Wal-Mart" and thinks "She has a good heart, so she's beautiful."

Okay, a lot of "people of Walmart" look like they do because they choose to. If this is the problem, then there is no problem. My heart goes out to the ladies who don't like their looks despite of trying. This is a different matter.

Honestly, pictures would help. I can't imagine someone who is not deformed who would look terrible even made-up and dressed to the nines. I suspect a lot of this in your heads. Plenty of people who are not magazine-pretty, but being ambarassed by your own photo is just not right. I wish I knew what kind of ugly we're talking about here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All women with a good heart are beautiful. End of story.

But not pretty. And you know it. You know exactly what we're talking about here. Nobody looks at pictures of women on "People of Wal-Mart" and thinks "She has a good heart, so she's beautiful."

So what -- it's about changing the perception of beauty, and it starts with how you see yourself.
For years, you did not see many black women considered as the hallmark of beauty, does not mean they weren't it was they were not being appreciated and being ignored. Change the paradigm.

But I guess my point and the point of others on here is that why should we have to be considered beautiful to be considered worthwhile? It's condescending that people keep saying, well change the beauty paradigm or every woman is beautiful or "try harder." Believe me, all the trying in the world is just going to bring me up to average. I'm not saying I don't try - I like shopping, I wear makeup, I get my hair cut at a decent salon. But even with all that? I get to "plain Jane" at best.

If someone were short would you say, "Change the paradigm of height! Try harder and you can be tall!"

I am short
And I feel good about it is who I am
What do folks not get about what I am saying
Why consider yourselves ugly when you can see yourself as beautiful ??
I am talking about SEING YOURSEKF AND CONSIDERING YOURSELF BEAUTIFUL.
I not talki g about trying harder to meet someone else's standard. I am talking about stop labeling yourselves as ugly .
Negative self talk is damaging to one's spirit.
Yes, there are superficial things one can do, buying clothes they like, a shade of lipstick they like or just the way your skin looks and feels when freshly washed. But it all begins with how we view ourselves and I cannot fathom wanting to hang onto the label of ugly, no matter how others may view me.
And I cannot imagine hanging onto that label by claiming some sort of bogus self acceptance. When you truly love tbe essence of everything you are , you would not dare let the word ugly in the equation.
And it is that kind of self acceptance and appreciation that changes the paradigm.

I think what I'm saying is being ugly or plain or really, really average is just another thing. It's not a negative thing if I don't make it a negative thing. I'm not beautiful and it's just a simple fact. It's like saying that I was born in June, that I have a college degree, that my favorite color is green. It's a neutral fact. It's not damaging to my spirit or whatever, that's a bunch of baloney. Now I can appreciate that others on here are really hurting and my heart goes out to them. But I'm not hurting much over my looks. Yeah, it sucks being ignored in stores and it sucks that I've never once had a guy buy me a drink, that I've never had the experience of going out and leaving my wallet at home knowing that random guys would buy me drinks all night. But I'm married so that doesn't even matter at this point, really. It also sucks that I'm not independently wealthy and that I don't have unlimited vacation time. It's just another fact of life. We have to take the good with the bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:35. Virgin. Not pretty. I don't really think I'm ugly, but I've also never been one that men find attractive. The boys in school used to oink behind me in the halls. In 8th grade I was invited to a party that didn't exist. Hilarious, right? I didn't date in high school because nobody asked. My mom and dad have never told me I looked nice or pretty. I'd love to say "at least I have lots of friends and family" but my family lives far away and my friends are all in the marriage and babies stage of life. I think of baby showers as farewell parties, because I know I won't see that friend again until another mutual friend gets pregnant. Maybe that will change as the kids get older?? Don't know. Mostly, I'd say my experience is invisibility. Nobody sees me on the streets, nobody holds doors, I can't recall ever having a stranger buy me a drink. Salespeople don't offer to help me. My phone rarely rings. I spent the last three birthdays alone. I'm just invisible.

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think what I'm saying is being ugly or plain or really, really average is just another thing. It's not a negative thing if I don't make it a negative thing. I'm not beautiful and it's just a simple fact. It's like saying that I was born in June, that I have a college degree, that my favorite color is green. It's a neutral fact. It's not damaging to my spirit or whatever, that's a bunch of baloney. Now I can appreciate that others on here are really hurting and my heart goes out to them. But I'm not hurting much over my looks. Yeah, it sucks being ignored in stores and it sucks that I've never once had a guy buy me a drink, that I've never had the experience of going out and leaving my wallet at home knowing that random guys would buy me drinks all night. But I'm married so that doesn't even matter at this point, really. It also sucks that I'm not independently wealthy and that I don't have unlimited vacation time. It's just another fact of life. We have to take the good with the bad.

I feel the same way. I've never had someone buy me drinks or gotten anything for free. Doesn't bother me. I'm a 5 out of 10 although right now 2 months post partum I'm probably a 3 or 4.

I have a friend who is less attractive than me (I'd say ugly but that's mean and untrue). She's probably a 3 out of 10. But she has the best personality and it more than makes up. I met her in high school and we reconnected through facebook. No one in high school ever made fun of her. She was really into sports and could talk to the guys and she was super nice to the girls. No matter how hard I try, I will never have her level of out-goingness (if that's a word). Her personality more than made up for her looks. I'm quite introverted. She's now married to a handsome guy, has two adorable (and handsome) children and she and her husband own a successful business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happiness is only obtained when you get to know God.

He made it that way.

Only way to get people to talk to that self-absorbed, sadistic prick.