Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Fetishization? I am the PP who spoke of how much I enjoyed those times with my mom and I hardly think thats the right term for it. The fact is, those times meant a lot to me, and to my siblings. My mother had to go back to work when I was in college, and my younger siblings went through most of middle and high school without her. There was a marked difference in performance in school, use of drugs, and also juvenile/criminal activity. Now, this was an extreme case, but I know for me and ALL my siblings we so missed that time in the "golden hours" of the afternoon where we would sit around the table and chat with her. By 11pm or "late at night", she was usually so stressed and tired that chatting was the last thing she wanted to do.

Of course, everyone has different experiences- but to suggest mine are invalid and that people are "fetishizing" the additional time with children that SAHMing allows is absolutely ludicrous.

Possibly the stupidest thinly veiled scaremongering on this thread.

Congratulations on that distinction. And you have a creepy obsession with your mother and your afterschool cuddle time. What kind of teenager cherishes the "golden hours" with his/her mother? Yea, fetish alright.

LOL what a pervo you are and also an ignoramus. There's nothing wrong with enjoying and looking back fondly on the time with your mom, no matter what kind of way some sicko wants to twist it (Maybe you watch too much porn or something- the time between a mother and daughter is generally very innocent and sweet).

You also seem to be totally unaware of the commonly known expression "the golden hours" so what can I say... you are 2/2 for total idiocy. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

They can. It's SAHMs justifying themselves. No man HAS to work 90 hours a week. He just doesn't, unless he's incredibly inefficient. I also can't fathom a household where a man works like that and a woman doesn't offer to work too so they can both work regular hours.

I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation.

I would never be happy if my husband wasn't an active and equal parent. No justification here.

Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down.

Just to clarify, youre saying that your husband works crazy hours, because that is the thread you're responding to,(and you did in fact mention his hours) and also is an active, equal parent to you who stays at home? I find that hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

They can. It's SAHMs justifying themselves. No man HAS to work 90 hours a week. He just doesn't, unless he's incredibly inefficient. I also can't fathom a household where a man works like that and a woman doesn't offer to work too so they can both work regular hours.

I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation.

I would never be happy if my husband wasn't an active and equal parent. No justification here.

Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down.

Just to clarify, youre saying that your husband works crazy hours, because that is the thread you're responding to,(and you did in fact mention his hours) and also is an active, equal parent to you who stays at home? I find that hard to believe.

I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband didn't because I didn't (does that make sense?). I spent over two years at home with my kids and I pretty much hated it. I hated being isolated. I hated the drudgery of childcare. I hated the never ending laundry and errand running with children. I hated having to juggle two kids under three all day. It was like pushing the boulder up the hill over and over and to have to tumble down. I hated how lost I was and how absolutely directionless my life was. And I hated how hard it was to find work. It was a mess.

And I was a complete utter terror. I was depressed and refused help and tried to white knuckle the situation, which made everything even worse.

I can see it in hindsight, but I complained constantly, ignored our money issues (which were more or less caused by me quitting work and cutting corners like ordering out because I hate cooking). I was the primary cause of a lot of the stress that was in our lives.

So, no. My husband didn't appreciate me as a SAHM. He didn't appreciate having to second shift the kids nightly while I left to re-charge alone because I was at the end of my fuse. He would probably be the first (well, second) to say that my choice to SAHM was probably the worst decision we made in our 15 year marriage. It was that bad. And I thank god daily he didn't divorce me because in hindsight, I might have if the shoe was on the other foot. Unlike a lot of you, I didn't make his life easier by being home.

Thanks for your honesty. I like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

They can. It's SAHMs justifying themselves. No man HAS to work 90 hours a week. He just doesn't, unless he's incredibly inefficient. I also can't fathom a household where a man works like that and a woman doesn't offer to work too so they can both work regular hours.

I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation.

I would never be happy if my husband wasn't an active and equal parent. No justification here.

Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down.

Just to clarify, youre saying that your husband works crazy hours, because that is the thread you're responding to,(and you did in fact mention his hours) and also is an active, equal parent to you who stays at home? I find that hard to believe.

I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do.

I work and am home by 5pm. DH is home by 6. This is the life I want - two parents parenting. Just own your choices and don't backtrack - you parent, he bankrolls. I couldn't stand it. You do. For someone acting so confident, you sound ragingly insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

They can. It's SAHMs justifying themselves. No man HAS to work 90 hours a week. He just doesn't, unless he's incredibly inefficient. I also can't fathom a household where a man works like that and a woman doesn't offer to work too so they can both work regular hours.

I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation.

I would never be happy if my husband wasn't an active and equal parent. No justification here.

Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down.

Just to clarify, youre saying that your husband works crazy hours, because that is the thread you're responding to,(and you did in fact mention his hours) and also is an active, equal parent to you who stays at home? I find that hard to believe.

I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do.

I work and am home by 5pm. DH is home by 6. This is the life I want - two parents parenting. Just own your choices and don't backtrack - you parent, he bankrolls. I couldn't stand it. You do. For someone acting so confident, you sound ragingly insecure.

NP. You didn't read what she wrote. She said that he is a fully engaged parent when he is home. He might be home for fewer hours than you are - although you are basing that off very little information, but he is no less a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband didn't because I didn't (does that make sense?). I spent over two years at home with my kids and I pretty much hated it. I hated being isolated. I hated the drudgery of childcare. I hated the never ending laundry and errand running with children. I hated having to juggle two kids under three all day. It was like pushing the boulder up the hill over and over and to have to tumble down. I hated how lost I was and how absolutely directionless my life was. And I hated how hard it was to find work. It was a mess.

And I was a complete utter terror. I was depressed and refused help and tried to white knuckle the situation, which made everything even worse.

I can see it in hindsight, but I complained constantly, ignored our money issues (which were more or less caused by me quitting work and cutting corners like ordering out because I hate cooking). I was the primary cause of a lot of the stress that was in our lives.

So, no. My husband didn't appreciate me as a SAHM. He didn't appreciate having to second shift the kids nightly while I left to re-charge alone because I was at the end of my fuse. He would probably be the first (well, second) to say that my choice to SAHM was probably the worst decision we made in our 15 year marriage. It was that bad. And I thank god daily he didn't divorce me because in hindsight, I might have if the shoe was on the other foot. Unlike a lot of you, I didn't make his life easier by being home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

There's a happy medium. I love being with my kids, but they need outside influences as well. Teaching them to exist in a bubble helps no one. Love comes from different sources.

Well of course. I wasn't homeschooled, and I did lots of activities. But knowing my mom was home and that I could spend those extra hours every day around her meant so much to me. i look back now and am so grate til.

I think if most people, men or women, could come home at 3pm and be with their kids they would, once kids are school aged. For many women and families, that isn't a possibility and staying at home all day, without intellectual stimulation or financial contribution, doesn't make it worth it.

My mom was home after school and I loved it. I didn't realize until much later how lonely and un-intellectually stimulated she was during those years.

Do you know that she was lonely and lacking intellectual stimulation? I stay at home and would hate for anyone to think that about me. They would be wrong. I'm neither. Now that I'm not working I have a lot more time for friends and intellectual pursuits.

I can't even tell you how much more I would accomplish persobally and intellectually if I didn't work. My job can be mind numbing but pays over 175k with matching 401k, pension and a lot of job security. So I keep at it.

Unless you are mind numbing boring, you will do so much more than when you are working. There's a big world out there! Kind so makes me laugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

They can. It's SAHMs justifying themselves. No man HAS to work 90 hours a week. He just doesn't, unless he's incredibly inefficient. I also can't fathom a household where a man works like that and a woman doesn't offer to work too so they can both work regular hours.

I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation.

I would never be happy if my husband wasn't an active and equal parent. No justification here.

Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down.

Just to clarify, youre saying that your husband works crazy hours, because that is the thread you're responding to,(and you did in fact mention his hours) and also is an active, equal parent to you who stays at home? I find that hard to believe.

I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do.

I work and am home by 5pm. DH is home by 6. This is the life I want - two parents parenting. Just own your choices and don't backtrack - you parent, he bankrolls. I couldn't stand it. You do. For someone acting so confident, you sound ragingly insecure.

NP. You didn't read what she wrote. She said that he is a fully engaged parent when he is home. He might be home for fewer hours than you are - although you are basing that off very little information, but he is no less a parent.

New.poster here who is lurking and watching all of you crazy women fight (newsflash none of you are good people regardless of employment). But I don't see how someone who works 90hrs a week can participate in much of anything at all at home.

[Anonymous]

Let's get real here on.the dad who works 90hrs a week.



There are 168hrs in a week.
back out 56 for sleep and 90 for work
that leaves you with 22hrs in a week that you are not working or sleeping. A little over 3hrs a day. One still has to shower, shit, and eat and carve themselves out a small amount of time for themselves. A 90hrs a week parent is an absent parent. You just can't spin that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's get real here on.the dad who works 90hrs a week.



There are 168hrs in a week.
back out 56 for sleep and 90 for work
that leaves you with 22hrs in a week that you are not working or sleeping. A little over 3hrs a day. One still has to shower, shit, and eat and carve themselves out a small amount of time for themselves. A 90hrs a week parent is an absent parent. You just can't spin that one.

Tell that to pp. She refuses to admit he's just a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

There's a happy medium. I love being with my kids, but they need outside influences as well. Teaching them to exist in a bubble helps no one. Love comes from different sources.

Well of course. I wasn't homeschooled, and I did lots of activities. But knowing my mom was home and that I could spend those extra hours every day around her meant so much to me. i look back now and am so grate til.

I think if most people, men or women, could come home at 3pm and be with their kids they would, once kids are school aged. For many women and families, that isn't a possibility and staying at home all day, without intellectual stimulation or financial contribution, doesn't make it worth it.

My mom was home after school and I loved it. I didn't realize until much later how lonely and un-intellectually stimulated she was during those years.

Do you know that she was lonely and lacking intellectual stimulation? I stay at home and would hate for anyone to think that about me. They would be wrong. I'm neither. Now that I'm not working I have a lot more time for friends and intellectual pursuits.

I can't even tell you how much more I would accomplish persobally and intellectually if I didn't work. My job can be mind numbing but pays over 175k with matching 401k, pension and a lot of job security. So I keep at it.

Unless you are mind numbing boring, you will do so much more than when you are working. There's a big world out there! Kind so makes me laugh

Maybe you should use all that time for some English and grammar lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband didn't because I didn't (does that make sense?). I spent over two years at home with my kids and I pretty much hated it. I hated being isolated. I hated the drudgery of childcare. I hated the never ending laundry and errand running with children. I hated having to juggle two kids under three all day. It was like pushing the boulder up the hill over and over and to have to tumble down. I hated how lost I was and how absolutely directionless my life was. And I hated how hard it was to find work. It was a mess.

And I was a complete utter terror. I was depressed and refused help and tried to white knuckle the situation, which made everything even worse.

I can see it in hindsight, but I complained constantly, ignored our money issues (which were more or less caused by me quitting work and cutting corners like ordering out because I hate cooking). I was the primary cause of a lot of the stress that was in our lives.

So, no. My husband didn't appreciate me as a SAHM. He didn't appreciate having to second shift the kids nightly while I left to re-charge alone because I was at the end of my fuse. He would probably be the first (well, second) to say that my choice to SAHM was probably the worst decision we made in our 15 year marriage. It was that bad. And I thank god daily he didn't divorce me because in hindsight, I might have if the shoe was on the other foot. Unlike a lot of you, I didn't make his life easier by being home.

Thanks for your honesty. I like you

This mirrors my SAHM years. My husband and kids validate me more now, cause truly, I am a better mother when I work.

Mad respect to the parents who are excelling at SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's get real here on.the dad who works 90hrs a week.



There are 168hrs in a week.
back out 56 for sleep and 90 for work
that leaves you with 22hrs in a week that you are not working or sleeping. A little over 3hrs a day. One still has to shower, shit, and eat and carve themselves out a small amount of time for themselves. A 90hrs a week parent is an absent parent. You just can't spin that one.

Tell that to pp. She refuses to admit he's just a paycheck.

Wow, this is really getting nasty.

Here are my posts reply to this thread called "Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?":

"Dh knows and acknowledges that without me staying at home, he wouldn't have been able to excel and succeed so much in his career.

We've always packed up and moved when he had a better career opportunity, he's never had to leave work early or take a day off for a sick child or for school holidays and closures. He's never stressed about how the kids were being taken care of at home. He's knows me and he knows that I would give my life for my kids. He knows that I will do my best to provide excellent nutrition, activities, bring them up with love and manners, provide them with emotional security and always be there for their 'firsts'.

I take care of all household management related things. He never has to grocery shop, be home when there are contractors or other random house related appointments, I do all the phone calls, make all appointments. We have a house cleaner, so no one stresses about the deep cleaning, which makes both of us more happy. I take kids to all of their appointments and there are many since both have different special needs. I'm involved with their school and volunteer in our community. I'm around during the day and have a couple of elderly neighbors whom I help when they need. This makes our community stronger and he values living in an area where we are close with our neighbors.

I take care of all family activities. Sports, vacations, special outings. I plan them all, dh just has to be there to enjoy them. He also loves entertaining, I do the invites and prepare the meals.

This acknowledgement and appreciation didn't happen immediately though. There was a time several years back when I felt he didn't truly understand or appreciate what I did. We talked about it and he realized it. Sometimes guys just need for these things to be spelled out for them, it's not something they always intuitively get.



Now before any WOHM gets their panties in a bunch, I know there are WOHM that do much of this too, so it's not that only SAHM should be appreciated. My mom was a WOHM so yes I know you do a lot too. So tired of the SAHM/WOHM debates... "


"You can play it like that if that's how you see it and I don't find that offensive. I see it as being a partner. I compensate for him and he compensates for me, together we make this a family dynamic that works for all of us as a whole. That's the point of this thread- appreciating your spouse, not looking down on them like an assistant or a boss.

Other families do what works for them, I'm responding to this thread in particular and how it works in our house."


"I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation."


"Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down."


"I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do. "



Never did I state his actual hours, long hours yes, but why do you insist on projecting 90 hours? Why do you feel the need to insist that my husband is just a paycheck? And that I'm just an assistant? Really petty.

OUR life choices would never work for you, would never make you happy, would make you feel as if your dh was not an active, equal parent, would make you, you, you, you....

Why am I the one with something to prove and the one that's ragingly insecure because I'm posting on a thread directed towards SAHMs? Why exactly do you feel the need to respond on this thread when it is not relevant for you nor directed to you?



I've clearly spent way to much time on this thread today. OP, I suggest communicating with your DH about how you're feeling. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's get real here on.the dad who works 90hrs a week.



There are 168hrs in a week.
back out 56 for sleep and 90 for work
that leaves you with 22hrs in a week that you are not working or sleeping. A little over 3hrs a day. One still has to shower, shit, and eat and carve themselves out a small amount of time for themselves. A 90hrs a week parent is an absent parent. You just can't spin that one.

Tell that to pp. She refuses to admit he's just a paycheck.

Wow, this is really getting nasty.

Here are my posts reply to this thread called "Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?":

"Dh knows and acknowledges that without me staying at home, he wouldn't have been able to excel and succeed so much in his career.

We've always packed up and moved when he had a better career opportunity, he's never had to leave work early or take a day off for a sick child or for school holidays and closures. He's never stressed about how the kids were being taken care of at home. He's knows me and he knows that I would give my life for my kids. He knows that I will do my best to provide excellent nutrition, activities, bring them up with love and manners, provide them with emotional security and always be there for their 'firsts'.

I take care of all household management related things. He never has to grocery shop, be home when there are contractors or other random house related appointments, I do all the phone calls, make all appointments. We have a house cleaner, so no one stresses about the deep cleaning, which makes both of us more happy. I take kids to all of their appointments and there are many since both have different special needs. I'm involved with their school and volunteer in our community. I'm around during the day and have a couple of elderly neighbors whom I help when they need. This makes our community stronger and he values living in an area where we are close with our neighbors.

I take care of all family activities. Sports, vacations, special outings. I plan them all, dh just has to be there to enjoy them. He also loves entertaining, I do the invites and prepare the meals.

This acknowledgement and appreciation didn't happen immediately though. There was a time several years back when I felt he didn't truly understand or appreciate what I did. We talked about it and he realized it. Sometimes guys just need for these things to be spelled out for them, it's not something they always intuitively get.



Now before any WOHM gets their panties in a bunch, I know there are WOHM that do much of this too, so it's not that only SAHM should be appreciated. My mom was a WOHM so yes I know you do a lot too. So tired of the SAHM/WOHM debates... "


"You can play it like that if that's how you see it and I don't find that offensive. I see it as being a partner. I compensate for him and he compensates for me, together we make this a family dynamic that works for all of us as a whole. That's the point of this thread- appreciating your spouse, not looking down on them like an assistant or a boss.

Other families do what works for them, I'm responding to this thread in particular and how it works in our house."


"I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation."


"Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.


It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down."


"I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do. "



Never did I state his actual hours, long hours yes, but why do you insist on projecting 90 hours? Why do you feel the need to insist that my husband is just a paycheck? And that I'm just an assistant? Really petty.

OUR life choices would never work for you, would never make you happy, would make you feel as if your dh was not an active, equal parent, would make you, you, you, you....

Why am I the one with something to prove and the one that's ragingly insecure because I'm posting on a thread directed towards SAHMs? Why exactly do you feel the need to respond on this thread when it is not relevant for you nor directed to you?



I've clearly spent way to much time on this thread today. OP, I suggest communicating with your DH about how you're feeling. GL.

#yousoundcrazy