Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is fucking awesome. She is a great cook, she is a loving mom, and - as the kids were growing - she was growing a small business from home. Because of her, we eat well, the kids have someone at home when they get home from school, we have scheduling flexibility, we eat well, and we have a nice little stream of income.

and you eat well.


Just teasing you, PP! Glad to hear you have a happy family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. But we have two under two and he works 90 hours a week. He is well aware of the fact that he would need to cut way back at work if I didn't stay home and he doesn't want to do that.

This is my DH too. He's glad to have me home so he can have the best of both worlds. For the most part, I'm happy to be home with our three kids but I wish just once he would say he thinks I'm a good mom or that I'm doing a good job...

Why is having a SAHP spouse the best of both worlds? I outearn my H and I do 90% of the household and kid work. THAT's the best of both worlds - income of a WOHP but little more domestic work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. But we have two under two and he works 90 hours a week. He is well aware of the fact that he would need to cut way back at work if I didn't stay home and he doesn't want to do that.

I'm a father and I think its sad that any man would choose working that much over his family. What he's going to lose and what his children will lose can never be replaced by any extra money or career advancement 90 hours per week provides. And I've heard so many men - many of whom are my close friends - promise themselves and their wives that they will slow down as the kids get older but most of the time it never happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you SAH if your husband didn't appreciate your contributions?

Because you think it's best for your kids.

Better you than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you appreciate how hard he works and the stress he is under as the sole financial provider for himself and his family? Do you tell him?

I'm 9:28, and yes, I do this a lot!

[Anonymous]

Yes, my husband tells me all the time I am a good wife, mother, partner in crime, his best friend and how much he appreciates all the things I do.

And I tell him regularly how much I appreciate him, his help and for being the husband he is. Compared to some here, I hit the husband lotto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband tells me all the time I am a good wife, mother, partner in crime, his best friend and how much he appreciates all the things I do.

And I tell him regularly how much I appreciate him, his help and for being the husband he is. Compared to some here, I hit the husband lotto.

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband tells me all the time I am a good wife, mother, partner in crime, his best friend and how much he appreciates all the things I do.

And I tell him regularly how much I appreciate him, his help and for being the husband he is. Compared to some here, I hit the husband lotto.

NP. Same for us. He tells me every time one of our children gets sick, or there's a snow day, or he has to travel, how much easier our life is because I stay at home. I often tell him how proud I am of him too, and how appreciative I am that he works so hard. We argue about other things sometimes, but never about this. It works beautifully for our family.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Because if I had a serious career, he wouldn't be doing anything close to what he gets to do now and it's the career he's always dreamed of. He wishes I cared more about the housekeeping role but understands that I'm doing this for the kids and to accommodate his career, not because I want to be a "homemaker". I'm still trying to figure out what kind of career I'd like, so I'm not resentful at all. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you SAH if your husband didn't appreciate your contributions?

Because you think it's best for your kids.

Thankfully, most people I know do not have such flawed marriages. Most people SAH because BOTH people make it a priority for their kids, their marriage and the wellbeing of their family. If I had a husband who did not appreciate my contributions as I appreciate his, I would be out of the marriage in a heartbeat. I think a lot of women (WOHM and SAHM) compromised and picked up real losers to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. But we have two under two and he works 90 hours a week. He is well aware of the fact that he would need to cut way back at work if I didn't stay home and he doesn't want to do that.

Wow that is really sad.

I guess neither of you think having a father is important for children.

I SAH, but yea, no, my kids need a dad. He's just as important in their lives (maybe more important because I have boys) as I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is fucking awesome. She is a great cook, she is a loving mom, and - as the kids were growing - she was growing a small business from home. Because of her, we eat well, the kids have someone at home when they get home from school, we have scheduling flexibility, we eat well, and we have a nice little stream of income.

and you eat well.


Just teasing you, PP! Glad to hear you have a happy family!

Ha! Well, it wasn't always that way -- cooking was definitely an acquired skill for her. Also, as a consequence, I do a lot of dishes!

[Anonymous]

My husband didn't because I didn't (does that make sense?). I spent over two years at home with my kids and I pretty much hated it. I hated being isolated. I hated the drudgery of childcare. I hated the never ending laundry and errand running with children. I hated having to juggle two kids under three all day. It was like pushing the boulder up the hill over and over and to have to tumble down. I hated how lost I was and how absolutely directionless my life was. And I hated how hard it was to find work. It was a mess.

And I was a complete utter terror. I was depressed and refused help and tried to white knuckle the situation, which made everything even worse.

I can see it in hindsight, but I complained constantly, ignored our money issues (which were more or less caused by me quitting work and cutting corners like ordering out because I hate cooking). I was the primary cause of a lot of the stress that was in our lives.

So, no. My husband didn't appreciate me as a SAHM. He didn't appreciate having to second shift the kids nightly while I left to re-charge alone because I was at the end of my fuse. He would probably be the first (well, second) to say that my choice to SAHM was probably the worst decision we made in our 15 year marriage. It was that bad. And I thank god daily he didn't divorce me because in hindsight, I might have if the shoe was on the other foot. Unlike a lot of you, I didn't make his life easier by being home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. But we have two under two and he works 90 hours a week. He is well aware of the fact that he would need to cut way back at work if I didn't stay home and he doesn't want to do that.

Wow that is really sad.

I guess neither of you think having a father is important for children.

I SAH, but yea, no, my kids need a dad. He's just as important in their lives (maybe more important because I have boys) as I am.

Ugh, why would a father be more important than a mother? Especially when the mother is spending the majority of her time with the kids?

You have some very outdated ideas about gender, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Nothing means more to me when my DH notices our child doing something smart/cute/healthy and he says "Thanks to your incredible mom". I agree with a PP that I'm not sure I deserve it most of the time!