Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

^ughhhhh: hetero!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Definitely. But we have two under two and he works 90 hours a week. He is well aware of the fact that he would need to cut way back at work if I didn't stay home and he doesn't want to do that.

Wow that is really sad.

I guess neither of you think having a father is important for children.

I SAH, but yea, no, my kids need a dad. He's just as important in their lives (maybe more important because I have boys) as I am.

Ugh, why would a father be more important than a mother? Especially when the mother is spending the majority of her time with the kids?

You have some very outdated ideas about gender, my friend.

read about parental bonding with same sex parent. I'm not gonna spell it out for you.

I have read about it, and that school of thought is incredibly outdated and based on patriarchal ideas of gender.

Quite opposite, that thought is the actual antithesis of patriarchal ideas of gender.

Sorry to unnerve you with the facts. Maybe your kids can make an appointment with dad next month.

The belief that children need a same-sex parent to bond with is ridiculously outdated and absurd.

Incarceration rates don't lie.

But they are influenced by a multitude of actors, most importantly the average much lower income of single moms.

Don't be lazy. The research is there across all SES groups. Sorry it does not fit into your fantasy of what is going on under your roof (or might I say what is NOT going on under your roof, which is clearly an available father).

If your standards are so low that you seriously think there is a good chance your sons are going to end up incarcerated- then yes, for God's sake, please do get someone else involved in their lives. Because you need any help you can get.

And with that response, I'm thinking genetics are more of an issue for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Dh knows and acknowledges that without me staying at home, he wouldn't have been able to excel and succeed so much in his career.

We've always packed up and moved when he had a better career opportunity, he's never had to leave work early or take a day off for a sick child or for school holidays and closures. He's never stressed about how the kids were being taken care of at home. He's knows me and he knows that I would give my life for my kids. He knows that I will do my best to provide excellent nutrition, activities, bring them up with love and manners, provide them with emotional security and always be there for their 'firsts'.

I take care of all household management related things. He never has to grocery shop, be home when there are contractors or other random house related appointments, I do all the phone calls, make all appointments. We have a house cleaner, so no one stresses about the deep cleaning, which makes both of us more happy. I take kids to all of their appointments and there are many since both have different special needs. I'm involved with their school and volunteer in our community. I'm around during the day and have a couple of elderly neighbors whom I help when they need. This makes our community stronger and he values living in an area where we are close with our neighbors.

I take care of all family activities. Sports, vacations, special outings. I plan them all, dh just has to be there to enjoy them. He also loves entertaining, I do the invites and prepare the meals.

This acknowledgement and appreciation didn't happen immediately though. There was a time several years back when I felt he didn't truly understand or appreciate what I did. We talked about it and he realized it. Sometimes guys just need for these things to be spelled out for them, it's not something they always intuitively get.



Now before any WOHM gets their panties in a bunch, I know there are WOHM that do much of this too, so it's not that only SAHM should be appreciated. My mom was a WOHM so yes I know you do a lot too. So tired of the SAHM/WOHM debates...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh knows and acknowledges that without me staying at home, he wouldn't have been able to excel and succeed so much in his career.

We've always packed up and moved when he had a better career opportunity, he's never had to leave work early or take a day off for a sick child or for school holidays and closures. He's never stressed about how the kids were being taken care of at home. He's knows me and he knows that I would give my life for my kids. He knows that I will do my best to provide excellent nutrition, activities, bring them up with love and manners, provide them with emotional security and always be there for their 'firsts'.

I take care of all household management related things. He never has to grocery shop, be home when there are contractors or other random house related appointments, I do all the phone calls, make all appointments. We have a house cleaner, so no one stresses about the deep cleaning, which makes both of us more happy. I take kids to all of their appointments and there are many since both have different special needs. I'm involved with their school and volunteer in our community. I'm around during the day and have a couple of elderly neighbors whom I help when they need. This makes our community stronger and he values living in an area where we are close with our neighbors.

I take care of all family activities. Sports, vacations, special outings. I plan them all, dh just has to be there to enjoy them. He also loves entertaining, I do the invites and prepare the meals.

This acknowledgement and appreciation didn't happen immediately though. There was a time several years back when I felt he didn't truly understand or appreciate what I did. We talked about it and he realized it. Sometimes guys just need for these things to be spelled out for them, it's not something they always intuitively get.



Now before any WOHM gets their panties in a bunch, I know there are WOHM that do much of this too, so it's not that only SAHM should be appreciated. My mom was a WOHM so yes I know you do a lot too. So tired of the SAHM/WOHM debates...

You sound like his assistant.

[Anonymous]

Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here and killing some time at the airport due to a delayed flight, I sometimes like watching you all duke it out.

One thing I'm curious about how is it these man cannot have career success without a SAHW? I'm a pretty successful guy and am a part owner/General Manager of a mid sized business. My wife also works full time and I've still managed to bring in 7 figures most years.

Granted we make enough money together that we just get to come home from work and focus on the family and not tedious chores like laundry and running errands (we have a housekeeper) and don't have to do the dirty work of running a house, but I have plenty of successful men working for me who also have wives who work as well.

They can. It's SAHMs justifying themselves. No man HAS to work 90 hours a week. He just doesn't, unless he's incredibly inefficient. I also can't fathom a household where a man works like that and a woman doesn't offer to work too so they can both work regular hours.

[Anonymous]

I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

[Anonymous]

^internal=integral

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

There's a happy medium. I love being with my kids, but they need outside influences as well. Teaching them to exist in a bubble helps no one. Love comes from different sources.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

There's a happy medium. I love being with my kids, but they need outside influences as well. Teaching them to exist in a bubble helps no one. Love comes from different sources.

Well of course. I wasn't homeschooled, and I did lots of activities. But knowing my mom was home and that I could spend those extra hours every day around her meant so much to me. i look back now and am so grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

Right. There is a huge emotional aspect to this that so many people leave out of this debate. I will most likely continue to work with children, but absolutely see the benefit of my mom staying home with me. There isn't anything wrong with making your family and children your number one concern and not having a career. At the end of the day, no one does anything THAT exciting and most would leave their job if they won the lottery. If a family can make having a sahp work financially, I say more power to them! I'm so glad women have many career options now, but do see what we have lost as well. It used to be assumes a woman would not work and would stay home. Now it is assumed you'll work and have children for a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

There's a happy medium. I love being with my kids, but they need outside influences as well. Teaching them to exist in a bubble helps no one. Love comes from different sources.

Well of course. I wasn't homeschooled, and I did lots of activities. But knowing my mom was home and that I could spend those extra hours every day around her meant so much to me. i look back now and am so grateful.

I think if most people, men or women, could come home at 3pm and be with their kids they would, once kids are school aged. For many women and families, that isn't a possibility and staying at home all day, without intellectual stimulation or financial contribution, doesn't make it worth it.

My mom was home after school and I loved it. I didn't realize until much later how lonely and un-intellectually stimulated she was during those years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

Right. There is a huge emotional aspect to this that so many people leave out of this debate. I will most likely continue to work with children, but absolutely see the benefit of my mom staying home with me. There isn't anything wrong with making your family and children your number one concern and not having a career. At the end of the day, no one does anything THAT exciting and most would leave their job if they won the lottery. If a family can make having a sahp work financially, I say more power to them! I'm so glad women have many career options now, but do see what we have lost as well. It used to be assumes a woman would not work and would stay home. Now it is assumed you'll work and have children for a man.

Exactly... and sadly enough it seems that too often, the working mothers are still doing most of the laundry, the cooking, the childcare, and the cleaning. I'm sure some will say their husbands split it equally, which is awesome. But being a WOHM often means you are shouldering even MORE of the burden and it's simply not fair to the woman. I think managing a household takes a tremendous amount of work, and some women choose to stay home to facilitate that. Not to mention the incredible emotional benefit of being with your children, for both yourself and your kids. It is a choice, but some people seem to get really angry when moms choose the SAHM route, despite the fact that it absolutely is a viable choice with very specific, pronounced benefits for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

There's a happy medium. I love being with my kids, but they need outside influences as well. Teaching them to exist in a bubble helps no one. Love comes from different sources.

Well of course. I wasn't homeschooled, and I did lots of activities. But knowing my mom was home and that I could spend those extra hours every day around her meant so much to me. i look back now and am so grateful.

Me too. Only on DCUM does having a SAHM equal having no outside influences and living in a bubble. These are probably the same people who will tell you daycare is preferable because babies need socialization, as if SAHPs never leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM but I can't understand why you would want to have kids and NOT be with them or have your partner be with them as much as possible? I grew up with a SAHM and coming home from school to see her was such an amazing, internal, substantive part of my life. I just can't fathom how you could have that option and reject it.

Please try to understand that your own experience isn't universal. People make choices based on what's best for their kids. It might not line up with your experiences and that's okay. I had a SAHM and what you describe was not my experience.