Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

No, he doesn't say it explicitly, but I do pretty much whatever I want and he helps make it happen. If I need to do something during the day and the sitter isn't available, he stays home from work. If I need a break and spend the weekend with a friend, he takes over and tells me to have a good time, "don't rush home, we'll be fine." If there's a conflict between our schedules, I usually get priority.

I've found that we really need to communicate our needs. I hope you've told your partner you'd like to hear it. Well, actually, I hope you haven't told him, so that now you can and things might change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely. But we have two under two and he works 90 hours a week. He is well aware of the fact that he would need to cut way back at work if I didn't stay home and he doesn't want to do that.

This is my DH too. He's glad to have me home so he can have the best of both worlds. For the most part, I'm happy to be home with our three kids but I wish just once he would say he thinks I'm a good mom or that I'm doing a good job...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely.

However, it could also be because I quit work permanently after saving all my earnings for years (so very early retirement), and we are financially secure, and my kids college education is paid for, and my kids are super high achieving in public magnet schools, and we outsource our household chores, and we have frequent sex...

Why does someone not appreciate their own spouse? Could be a multitude of reasons. Being a SAHM or WOHM has nothing to do with it.

Your answer has nothing to do with the question other than to shamelessly brag about yourself. Pretty pathetic. Secondly, your judgmental concluding question is also not helpful to OP. If your little VBA summary is true, you clearly have no understanding of the struggles of actual WOHMs and SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM? I wish my husband would say once in awhile "you're a great mom." That would mean so much. I never hear anything like that.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staying home with your children does not necessarily make you a "great mom", OP. I have two friends who work full time and are the best mothers I have ever known.

That said, DH appreciates that his life is easier since we decided that I should stay home with the kids and often comments on that and little things he sees around the house. But I would never want my relationship as a mother being defined only as a SAHM as I have every intention of going back to teaching. [/quote


+1 I would be a great mom if I worked out of the house, too!

[Anonymous]

My wife is fucking awesome. She is a great cook, she is a loving mom, and - as the kids were growing - she was growing a small business from home. Because of her, we eat well, the kids have someone at home when they get home from school, we have scheduling flexibility, we eat well, and we have a nice little stream of income.

[Anonymous]

He wouldn't, so I WOH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely.

However, it could also be because I quit work permanently after saving all my earnings for years (so very early retirement), and we are financially secure, and my kids college education is paid for, and my kids are super high achieving in public magnet schools, and we outsource our household chores, and we have frequent sex...

Why does someone not appreciate their own spouse? Could be a multitude of reasons. Being a SAHM or WOHM has nothing to do with it.

Your answer has nothing to do with the question other than to shamelessly brag about yourself. Pretty pathetic. Secondly, your judgmental concluding question is also not helpful to OP. If your little VBA summary is true, you clearly have no understanding of the struggles of actual WOHMs and SAHMs.

Or maybe I have worked hard to make my VBA summery true? Maybe I actually have a better understanding of the struggles of WOHM and SAHM and choose to only concentrate on the positives? Maybe, being frugal made me financially secure and I do not spend my money in hair extensions, mani-pedi and designer handbags? Maybe I am treated well by my DH because I treat him well? Maybe my kids do well at school because I devote time and energy? Maybe I can do all these things because I am super organized as well as intelligent (after all I have two advanced degrees)?

No one was forced to marry the spouse they are with, right? So, what went wrong that they are not being appreciated by their spouse and they are not appreciating their spouse? Why are the problems posed as that of being a SAHM or WOHM? There is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship if by change in work circumstance can bring about such resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely.

However, it could also be because I quit work permanently after saving all my earnings for years (so very early retirement), and we are financially secure, and my kids college education is paid for, and my kids are super high achieving in public magnet schools, and we outsource our household chores, and we have frequent sex...

Why does someone not appreciate their own spouse? Could be a multitude of reasons. Being a SAHM or WOHM has nothing to do with it.

Your answer has nothing to do with the question other than to shamelessly brag about yourself. Pretty pathetic. Secondly, your judgmental concluding question is also not helpful to OP. If your little VBA summary is true, you clearly have no understanding of the struggles of actual WOHMs and SAHMs.

Or maybe I have worked hard to make my VBA summery true? Maybe I actually have a better understanding of the struggles of WOHM and SAHM and choose to only concentrate on the positives? Maybe, being frugal made me financially secure and I do not spend my money in hair extensions, mani-pedi and designer handbags? Maybe I am treated well by my DH because I treat him well? Maybe my kids do well at school because I devote time and energy? Maybe I can do all these things because I am super organized as well as intelligent (after all I have two advanced degrees)?

No one was forced to marry the spouse they are with, right? So, what went wrong that they are not being appreciated by their spouse and they are not appreciating their spouse? Why are the problems posed as that of being a SAHM or WOHM? There is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship if by change in work circumstance can bring about such resentment.

NP, and I have to agree, you are really annoying.

[Anonymous]

Do you appreciate how hard he works and the stress he is under as the sole financial provider for himself and his family? Do you tell him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you appreciate how hard he works and the stress he is under as the sole financial provider for himself and his family? Do you tell him?

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you appreciate how hard he works and the stress he is under as the sole financial provider for himself and his family? Do you tell him?

Yes, I tell him all the time.

My husband doesn't always tell me and I think he doesn't realize how much I do till I get sick and he has to take some of it over.

[Anonymous]

Why would you SAH if your husband didn't appreciate your contributions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you SAH if your husband didn't appreciate your contributions?

Because you think it's best for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, he tells me he does. However, I think he takes for granted that I'm here to pick up the slack (aka do 80-90% of housework) and it makes me worry about having a second (or third!) and/or going back to work.

Sorry your husband isn't being nice to you, OP.