Reply to Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let's get real here on.the dad who works 90hrs a week.

There are 168hrs in a week.
back out 56 for sleep and 90 for work
that leaves you with 22hrs in a week that you are not working or sleeping. A little over 3hrs a day. One still has to shower, shit, and eat and carve themselves out a small amount of time for themselves. A 90hrs a week parent is an absent parent. You just can't spin that one.[/quote]

Tell that to pp. She refuses to admit he's just a paycheck.[/quote]

Wow, this is really getting nasty.

Here are my posts reply to this thread called "Do you feel your husband appreciates you as a SAHM?":

"Dh knows and acknowledges that without me staying at home, he wouldn't have been able to excel and succeed so much in his career.

We've always packed up and moved when he had a better career opportunity, he's never had to leave work early or take a day off for a sick child or for school holidays and closures. He's never stressed about how the kids were being taken care of at home. He's knows me and he knows that I would give my life for my kids. He knows that I will do my best to provide excellent nutrition, activities, bring them up with love and manners, provide them with emotional security and always be there for their 'firsts'.

I take care of all household management related things. He never has to grocery shop, be home when there are contractors or other random house related appointments, I do all the phone calls, make all appointments. We have a house cleaner, so no one stresses about the deep cleaning, which makes both of us more happy. I take kids to all of their appointments and there are many since both have different special needs. I'm involved with their school and volunteer in our community. I'm around during the day and have a couple of elderly neighbors whom I help when they need. This makes our community stronger and he values living in an area where we are close with our neighbors.

I take care of all family activities. Sports, vacations, special outings. I plan them all, dh just has to be there to enjoy them. He also loves entertaining, I do the invites and prepare the meals.

This acknowledgement and appreciation didn't happen immediately though. There was a time several years back when I felt he didn't truly understand or appreciate what I did. We talked about it and he realized it. Sometimes guys just need for these things to be spelled out for them, it's not something they always intuitively get.

Now before any WOHM gets their panties in a bunch, I know there are WOHM that do much of this too, so it's not that only SAHM should be appreciated. My mom was a WOHM so yes I know you do a lot too. So tired of the SAHM/WOHM debates... "

"You can play it like that if that's how you see it and I don't find that offensive. I see it as being a partner. I compensate for him and he compensates for me, together we make this a family dynamic that works for all of us as a whole. That's the point of this thread- appreciating your spouse, not looking down on them like an assistant or a boss.

Other families do what works for them, I'm responding to this thread in particular and how it works in our house."

"I'd say it's awful cavalier to act as if you know the situation of all SAHMs and the reasons they stay at home. Some careers do naturally entail more hours.

It's wonderful if the pp has a career where he is successful and his wife also works and that works for their family. It's great if the other pp can work her working would curtail the amount of hours the dh worked, again that works for your family.

Whether I worked or not, Dh would still have his hours, at least for the next 10 years or so. Could he quit and find some other line of work, yes. But he wouldn't be as happy and him having to quit so I could go to work to take the load off wouldn't make his day. Like I said, this thread is about appreciation. He knows I've sacrificed a career and he appreciates me as a SAHM. I'm happy to know I'm appreciated and I'm happy to do my part in this relationship. He's happy, I'm happy. No problems here.

It seems as if you are the one in need of some sort of justification for your situation."

"Where did I ever state he wasn't an active, equal parent? He may not be around them as much as me, but the time he spends with them is quality time. Isn't that what all you WOHMs say anyway. Those late night chats before bed, the cheering at soccer games, vacations together. Geez. When he's home, he's with them. He reads stories to them, coaches soccer, builds legos with them, plays ball outside with them, makes from scratch waffles on weekend mornings, etc.

No justification needed, that's fine, because guess what? Your family choices work for your family. Why do you assume then that SAHMs need justification just because they didn't make the same choice as you? Why do you assume they are all not happy because that wouldn't make you happy.

I'm not sure why WOHM always seem to think that if we don't feel the same way that we are wrong and they are right. DIFFERENT CHOICES FOR DIFFERENT FAMILIES.

It truly makes me sad when women tear each other down."

"I'm sorry you find that hard to believe.

Yes, long hours. But that doesn't make him less of a parent or a non-active parent. Are you less of a parent or not an equal, active parent because you WOH?

He is equal in his way. His way does not have to be exactly my way. I don't think of my husband as a less than parent because he works. Does your spouse think that of you?

See, this goes back to the mentality that your decision and family style is somehow better than another family because they don't do things like you do. "

Never did I state his actual hours, long hours yes, but why do you insist on projecting 90 hours?  Why do you feel the need to insist that my husband is just a paycheck? And that I'm just an assistant? Really petty.

OUR life choices would never work for you, would never make you happy, would make you feel as if your dh was not an active, equal parent, would make you, you, you, you....

Why am I the one with something to prove and the one that's ragingly insecure because I'm posting on a thread directed towards SAHMs?  Why exactly do you feel the need to respond on this thread when it is not relevant for you nor directed to you?

I've clearly spent way to much time on this thread today.  OP, I suggest communicating with your DH about how you're feeling.  GL.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics