Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?

[Anonymous]

What is with all this outsourcing that SAHMs think us working moms do?

I agree with this. I outsource dog walking during the day when we're at work and the kids go to aftercare or sports practice for 1 hour 3 days a week. We do our own cleaning, laundry, volunteer at the school, make all the school events, work from home on snow days etc. It is an intense schedule because doing all this means being up late at night doing work after the kids go to bed and getting up early in the morning but we're not unique in doing this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering why, in the high HHI scenarios being spoken of here, this is an either/or -- either the meals are cooked, house is clean, kids are cared for, clothes are washed/dry-cleaned, stress is low, and wife stays home, OR meals are takeout, house is messy, kids are on their own, stress is high, and wife works.

If you make a lot of money (let's say, top 1% in DC area) and wife's income would be "fraction" of yours, wouldn't you be able to outsource everything (nanny, cooking, housekeeping, laundry, errands, etc.) so that both of you work outside of the home but don't have to to the grunt work at home? Seems like this would actually be the ideal scenario. Two working parents in a high-income household minus the stress of cooking/cleaning/laundry/errands, with the added security of a second income for the "just in case" scenarios?

I am the pp who quit when the kids hit school. We tried that because I really liked my career -- we had a live in nanny and once a week housekeeper. We could keep things going for a while but the travel that DH's job entails makes it really difficult, even with the help. I felt like I was always "on" either at work or at home. (I'd frequently have to work at home when the kids went to bed which I found very tough). We also had some random hospitalizations that made us want to slow down. I wish I had the stamina of Sheryl Sandberg but I don't! If you are in the right industry it can make financial sense to have one spouse take on a big job and one spouse stay home. We've been at this a while and have a far higher HHI and more savings than if we both worked at a 40 hour a week job and constantly had to compromise our careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been home for 9 years. When I first left work after having DC1, DH was making under 100K a year (we didn't live here at the time), just over with his bonus. I was making 35K. Now he's making +250K with bonus and we have 3 kids. He absolutely wouldn't want to have to shuffle his schedule around to help with sick days, snow days, Dr. appointments, etc. and is out a couple of nights a week. He needs me to make his life run smoothly (it's part of why he's so successful) and I'm okay with doing it - otherwise I'm afraid I'd be working for beans AND have the additional stressors of taking care of all the unforeseen stuff (hell after this past month I would have probably been fired). He's not great at the day to day stuff - but he's super involved with our kids on the weekends.

Am I happy I'm not using my MS to it's fullest? No, but I've been able to find other things to keep my mind stimulated and this was what we'd sort of planned for ourselves before we married so I knew what I was signing up for.

Key pieces of info: you kinda planned to be home before you got married, you have three kids, you'd be working for "beans," your husband doesn't want to shuffle his schedule around. Since none of those four things applies to us, we both work.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

+1 A man who doesn't whine like a bitch about parenting and housework, respects that I have a brain and value outside the home, and can bring home the bacon is SEXY AS HELL. Some of these folks are stuck in the 1950's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering why, in the high HHI scenarios being spoken of here, this is an either/or -- either the meals are cooked, house is clean, kids are cared for, clothes are washed/dry-cleaned, stress is low, and wife stays home, OR meals are takeout, house is messy, kids are on their own, stress is high, and wife works.

If you make a lot of money (let's say, top 1% in DC area) and wife's income would be "fraction" of yours, wouldn't you be able to outsource everything (nanny, cooking, housekeeping, laundry, errands, etc.) so that both of you work outside of the home but don't have to to the grunt work at home? Seems like this would actually be the ideal scenario. Two working parents in a high-income household minus the stress of cooking/cleaning/laundry/errands, with the added security of a second income for the "just in case" scenarios?

We tried outsourcing a lot so that we could maintain 2 busy professional careers. It is hard to outsource everything. And at some point, our children wanted us, not a hired third party. Of course it is easy to outsource the laundry. It is much harder to outsource the childcare when you have a sick child who wants you or you find out the night before that your child has a school performance the next day. For us, it came down to either getting 2 nannies or one of is cutting back/quitting. And I fully understand that is not a choice many would make or can make. But it works for us.

Why would you only find out the night before about a school performance? I work full time and yet receive the same emails the SAHMs do about school events. Sounds like you and your spouse were not very connected to the school community while WOH.

I am just using this as an example. There are lots of things that cannot be effectively outsourced. And, I guess I like doing some of that stuff. I don't want to outsource the cooking. I want to be the one to pick my kids up from school. I want to be able to see most of their school performances. I was unable to do these things when I worked.

What is with all this outsourcing that SAHMs think us working moms do?

I outsource cleaning (mostly) and laundry. I drop my kids off at school each morning and get them from Tae Kwan Do each day at 4:30. I've never missed an event at their school and between DH and I one of us is in each of their classrooms helping out for each of them at least once a month. Do people outsource this? If they do I've never heard of it.

If I were to SAH, I would STILL have someone clean my home and do my laundry cause I hate that shit. I would still take my kids to TKD because they love it and it is great for them to get an hour and a half of exercise each day after school. As it is I cook dinner each and every night. It sure does help that I work from home. Heck, I went on a 5 mile run today at lunch and am still sitting in my sweaty gym clothes. With my kids in school, I seriously cannot imagine what I would do with myself all day....would I be like my dog and just sleep?

Ok. But not everyone has such a cushy job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No. I like coming home to a clean house, a happy wife and a hot meal. I make enough so money is not an issue.

+1. I love my job and don't like raising kids/household chores. I like spending time with my kids doing fun activities, but leave the rest to my wife. Having a wife at home means I can go on work trips, take clients out to dinner, work late at the office, and spend weekends golfing or hiking with my friends if I want -- and know when I do get home, there will be a hot meal waiting for me.

You don't like raising kids? Why the fuck did you have them, then? And what with all of the work trips/dinners, working late, golf and friend time, I'm amazed you got married either, since you clearly have time for your wife and those "fun activities" with your kids. Don't kid yourself, I bet your wife is cheating on you and secretly hates your guts.

I like having kids. I just don't like taking them to the doctor's office when they're sick and waiting hours to be seen, having to juggle my schedule on a snow day, etc. The same stuff you hate, except that you have to do because you don't have a wife to do it for you.

Dad here. I actually enjoyed a few snow days, I got to hang out with my kids. I do drs appointments too. I don't hate doing them. I hate when my kid is sick and I can't do anything to fix it.

Great that you spend weekends golfing, I know your type, I coach kids like yours. They cling to me like glue, desperate for an involved dad. I'm their coach and they are longing for so much more. Most of the time it's only mom who shows up at the games...I guess you are busy golfing and hiking while I'm throwing a ball with your kid.

Amen, PP! You are a REAL man and a REAL father. Good for you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.

I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.

Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.

it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.

Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.

Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.

I find that sad. Do you not?

What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

Where do you all find these Neanderthals?

My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.

Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.

Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.

[Anonymous]

My husband would not be cool with a SAHM, which is fine, since I never wanted to stay home. He makes good money and I make even more, so our retirement, college funds are all set. But what has been important to us is that we are equal partners -- we both work, cook, and take care of the kids. He likes yardwork; I don't; I take care of the finances. We outsource cleaning. Our kids are teenagers now and have grown up with this model, and I think it's been good for them. Some of my DH's friends complain to him about their wives not working when their kids are in high school now, but I know it must be hard to contemplate re-entering the work force after 15 years out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I like coming home to a clean house, a happy wife and a hot meal. I make enough so money is not an issue.

+1. I love my job and don't like raising kids/household chores. I like spending time with my kids doing fun activities, but leave the rest to my wife. Having a wife at home means I can go on work trips, take clients out to dinner, work late at the office, and spend weekends golfing or hiking with my friends if I want -- and know when I do get home, there will be a hot meal waiting for me.

Does your wife ever get a break?

Why would she ever need a break? She loves taking care of the kids and cooking and cleaning. She doesn't have any hobbies that she's interested in anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would he do, if god forbid, you died?

Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.

I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.

I suppose that I'd have to move further out to be closer to family/another subset of friends.