Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No judgments, just looking for honest answers.

Yes. I want you to pay her every week for everything my wife does for our children and me.

Who do you think you're fooling, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has said flat out that he doesn't want me going back to work. He doesn't like to say it because he thinks its a bit sexist, but the truth is he has a demanding (and high paying) job and needs me to run our home/take care of our 3 kids. However, I was also in a field where my salary wouldn't even cover daycare expenses once we had a second kid.

This is us except that I was earning a boatload at the time we decided we wanted someone to SAH. DH thanks me everyday for taking care of "everything else." Fortunately for me, I really enjoy being home and find things to do that are important or meaningful to our family. If all I did was shop and eat out, I'd send myself back to work too!

[Anonymous]

Nothing is free.

You bring home the bacon. I'll cook it.

Can't much have one without the other.

Parenting is a team effort.

It takes two to make 'em,
and two to raise 'em.
Properly.

[Anonymous]

No, I'm glad my wife doesn't work outside the home. She does everything household related and all I have to do is go to work and relax when I'm home.

[Anonymous]

No. I like coming home to a clean house, a happy wife and a hot meal. I make enough so money is not an issue.

[Anonymous]

It would be very shocking if my husband cared if I made any money. He absolutely does care that I do not turn in to a vapid and shallow person. My life as a SAHM does not consist of getting my nails done and shopping.

[Anonymous]

I not so secretly wish my wife brought home a paycheck. Kids are in school, no need to stay at home any longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm glad my wife doesn't work outside the home. She does everything household related and all I have to do is go to work and relax when I'm home.

DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure a lot of SAHM's do know their husbands feelings, people. My DH owns his company and prefers I run our home life. Our HHI is high enough that we don't have to worry in that respect. If I did go back to work, my income would be a tiny fraction of his. We're both extremely happy and satisfied with our set up, as I think most likely are.

+ 1. When the DH makes enough money, and what the DW will bring is a fraction of what he makes, it may not be worth it for those people. We are financially secure and DH's job is secure as well and he is doing what he loves to do. For him to juggle more household, childcare, social life responsibilities - if I were to WOH - would be very stressful. Fortunately, he is aware of that because I was getting a paycheck for many years, which did not get used at all (leaving me a very wealthy, ridiculously young retiree...), and his life was miserable because he had to take on additional responsibilities at home.

Yes, when your DH wishes you being a paycheck, he will make sure you know that. And - in homes where that income is needed, I don't see why he should not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has said flat out that he doesn't want me going back to work. He doesn't like to say it because he thinks its a bit sexist, but the truth is he has a demanding (and high paying) job and needs me to run our home/take care of our 3 kids. However, I was also in a field where my salary wouldn't even cover daycare expenses once we had a second kid.

This is us except that I was earning a boatload at the time we decided we wanted someone to SAH. DH thanks me everyday for taking care of "everything else." Fortunately for me, I really enjoy being home and find things to do that are important or meaningful to our family. If all I did was shop and eat out, I'd send myself back to work too!

+ 1.

I need to feel good about why I am staying at home as well. If by my staying at home, life is better for my kids and DH, and we are meeting our many tangible and intangible life goals, then it is worth it for me.

If my kids were doing poorly, my husband was not meeting his career objectives, our friends and relatives were not getting our support, my house was not run properly - I would go back to work.

I do hope that when I do go back, I get the same job satisfaction at my work that I am getting at home. I want to be the person who makes things happen and without whom things will not work as well. I want to be not only be valuable , but crucial.

After being a SAHM, I am not going to go back for the money. I need to be appreciated and make a difference. I need job satisfaction and gratitude.

[Anonymous]

SAHM's with husband who have high incomes so it isn't worth it for you to work, how much money are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

A lot of husbands seem to think wife returning to work will magically incur no other problems. My neighbor has two kids, one 5 and the other 2, and wants his wife to return to work.

BUT the neighbor *refuses* to do any daycare pickup/dropoff, or handle any emergencies that pop up during the day. I'm not 100% sure he fully understands that for a few years, his wife's salary will be close to nil after aftercare is factored in (or dealing with the randomness of at-home daycares.)

[Anonymous]

Mixed feelings here.

DH would love to have another salary coming in, and mentions it to rib me sometimes! Our HHI is not high for this area.
However, in the rare moments he stops to think about it, he also realizes that we would have difficulty meeting the needs of our children, one of whom is special needs - we both agree that no one could provide the level of care that I provide for SN DC1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of husbands seem to think wife returning to work will magically incur no other problems. My neighbor has two kids, one 5 and the other 2, and wants his wife to return to work.

BUT the neighbor *refuses* to do any daycare pickup/dropoff, or handle any emergencies that pop up during the day. I'm not 100% sure he fully understands that for a few years, his wife's salary will be close to nil after aftercare is factored in (or dealing with the randomness of at-home daycares.)

I'm a husband who no so secretly wants my wife to return to work. I understand I will have to do a lot more, but I already do a lot. My wife finds her role as SAH overwhelming. Even if she does not start out at a high level, she will work her way up, plus the benefit of contributing to retirement. As it is now, I can only contribute 17K/yr to 401K, if she had a 401K and could also hit 17K that would be huge for our future. I know many bright and successful mothers in my industry who have worked their way up to a good salary.

I've looked into aftercare (our kids are older) and the break even point for her is 30K. I'm positive with an MBA she will be making over that.

There comes a point in time where she will cross the threshold and essentially become unemployable. If I get cancer or some other physical problem that prevents me from working, we'd be homeless in a year. We have no family to bail is out. The best thing that could happen to me if something did happen would be an instant death, so they could get insurance. If I were incapacitated long term, I would lose my employment insurance and probably have no money to pay for our private plan.

[Anonymous]

I doubt many men used to having SAHWs wish it were different. My husband and I have both always worked full time, and I know if you asked him if he secretly wished I SAH, he'd say no, definitely. I assume couples have the work/home split that they actually want.